speaking of butts for posterity
It's the first day of my holiday, so i am going to spend it writing about my butt.
I know all of you have been waiting with bated breath for the latest update in the medical saga of my mysterious skin condition.
The truth is, there is no satisfying resolution. After 6+ months of visiting a variety of different doctors and specialists - weekly! - not a single one of them could explain what was going on. I do think that at one point i had scabies, and after one or perhaps several treatments i eradicated that as a source for new spots and itching around my butt, thighs, elbows and midriff. But then for months afterwards i kept getting waves of follow-up breakouts, where my skin would appear fine for a week or two, and then suddenly re-erupt with large, red, itchy bumps, brownish lesions and a painful rash that sometimes spread all the way up to my neck and shoulders.
Since getting back from Laos i gave up on the medical system altogether and just grit my teeth and let my body figure itself out on its own. I also rejiggered my lifestyle to be a bit healthier - eating fresh greens instead frozen ones for dinner, and dropping my booze intake from a couple drinks a night to a couple drinks a week. I also deliberately cut down on my work hours, going from 10 hour days to 9 or even 8 when i could swing it.
But, let's be honest, i don't think the generally healthier lifestyle was actually a turning point for fixing the problem. Because still today i have some red spots and brown lesions around my intimates and my skin overall seems to have become permanently damaged. I now think what happened is that, alongside the scabies which i probably got in a dive hotel somewhere along my travels, i also got some kind of immune system condition from something i ate or was exposed to in Colombia. Something about my skin is just not working the way it used to. I always used to burn easy in the sun, but now even with heavy duty sunscreen i get an uncomfortable rash and do not tan even a little bit. I used to live in fucking Queensland Australia, land of relentless sub-tropical humidity, and i bitched and moaned about it all the time, but i still got by without any negative physical effects. Now i get heat rash around my waist line (different to the red spots and lesions of the mystery condition) just from cycling 20 minutes through the Taiwan humidity to get to work.
I have been using the air conditioning unit in my apartment, and i previously never used air conditioning because i am philosophically opposed to using a device which literally increases the global warming that it's supposed to relieve us from. Granted, i only turn it on for an hour or so then back off again, relying on the circular fan most of the day, but like... i am waking up at 3am in a puddle of sweat unable to get back to sleep because it's so hot and humid in my apartment, and opening the window does not help in the slightest. I used to be better than this.
Is there something wrong with me, or am i just getting old? Is this just what happens? Your body stops being able to handle shit that it used to? If so, getting old fucking sucks. I mean, mentally it's great. You get more perspective on people and the world and you no longer waste energy getting wound up over stuff that really doesn't matter. Well, not true of all old people, but that's the change i see in me. Getting butthurt is for the bairns. I got more chill, more liberal, more laissez faire with age. But my body? Fuck, i can't drink booze because even just one drink makes me noticeably dumber the next day, to say nothing of the abysmal hangover from more than one. Can't handle the heat of a tropical summer without selfishly destroying the planet. Can't eat 魯肉飯 from that one greasy spoon i like without running to the bathroom a couple hours later. Can't do any amount of diet or exercise to get rid of the belly flab. Chronic aches and pains act as a constant reminder that i am dying. (This, as opposed to the more acute but occasional growing pains of youth.) And now the skin, the skin which seems to be actively fighting against my desire to go outside for sun and fresh air. It sucks!
I kept wishing there was some medicine i could take that would at least fix the skin part, but i am starting to lose hope. I learn about all these Chinese empererors who were so desperate to find the elixir of youth that they consumed all manner of exotic concoctions that ironically poisoned them and caused them to die prematurely. And i'm like, what a bunch of fucking idiots. You're the richest and most powerful person in the empire and you're literally killing yourself in pursuit of youth? Well, maybe i do kinda get it. Even if you aren't the emperor it's tempting to imagine that some magic potion could give you back that perfect, unblemished skin that you enjoyed in the all-too-brief period between finally - belatedly - conquering acne in your 20s and then succumbing to whatever the fuck is happening now.
Oh well. So the summary is i stopped going to the doctor and my skin cleared up. But it didn't heal completely, it just became another biological system operating in a suboptimal state, probably for the rest of my life. Scars of age.
The next two weeks that i have off work i have no plans except to enjoy having no plans. I have reserved today as the time to do laundry and clear out the fridge, and then tomorrow - if i feel like it - i will stuff a bunch of stuff in my backpack and walk out the door in whatever direction feels right. I think i am going to try to find a way to strap my pack to a share bike so i can venture further afield than my usual day trips. It is the most punishingly hot and humid time of year here, and just like rest of the northern hemisphere it is an especially brutal summer, so it's the worst time to travel outside. And i don't give a fuck. If i only make it 3 hours a day, that's fine. If i need to escape into the relative coolness of a train carriage, c'est la vie. If i come back to Taipei after 3 days because i am donezo, all good. I am just happy to not have to worry about anything for a little bit. Not even my skin, because it gonna do what it gonna do. Physical resilience has gone down in old age. Mental resilience gone up. Throw it at me, world. I'll fucking take it.
I know all of you have been waiting with bated breath for the latest update in the medical saga of my mysterious skin condition.
The truth is, there is no satisfying resolution. After 6+ months of visiting a variety of different doctors and specialists - weekly! - not a single one of them could explain what was going on. I do think that at one point i had scabies, and after one or perhaps several treatments i eradicated that as a source for new spots and itching around my butt, thighs, elbows and midriff. But then for months afterwards i kept getting waves of follow-up breakouts, where my skin would appear fine for a week or two, and then suddenly re-erupt with large, red, itchy bumps, brownish lesions and a painful rash that sometimes spread all the way up to my neck and shoulders.
Since getting back from Laos i gave up on the medical system altogether and just grit my teeth and let my body figure itself out on its own. I also rejiggered my lifestyle to be a bit healthier - eating fresh greens instead frozen ones for dinner, and dropping my booze intake from a couple drinks a night to a couple drinks a week. I also deliberately cut down on my work hours, going from 10 hour days to 9 or even 8 when i could swing it.
But, let's be honest, i don't think the generally healthier lifestyle was actually a turning point for fixing the problem. Because still today i have some red spots and brown lesions around my intimates and my skin overall seems to have become permanently damaged. I now think what happened is that, alongside the scabies which i probably got in a dive hotel somewhere along my travels, i also got some kind of immune system condition from something i ate or was exposed to in Colombia. Something about my skin is just not working the way it used to. I always used to burn easy in the sun, but now even with heavy duty sunscreen i get an uncomfortable rash and do not tan even a little bit. I used to live in fucking Queensland Australia, land of relentless sub-tropical humidity, and i bitched and moaned about it all the time, but i still got by without any negative physical effects. Now i get heat rash around my waist line (different to the red spots and lesions of the mystery condition) just from cycling 20 minutes through the Taiwan humidity to get to work.
I have been using the air conditioning unit in my apartment, and i previously never used air conditioning because i am philosophically opposed to using a device which literally increases the global warming that it's supposed to relieve us from. Granted, i only turn it on for an hour or so then back off again, relying on the circular fan most of the day, but like... i am waking up at 3am in a puddle of sweat unable to get back to sleep because it's so hot and humid in my apartment, and opening the window does not help in the slightest. I used to be better than this.
Is there something wrong with me, or am i just getting old? Is this just what happens? Your body stops being able to handle shit that it used to? If so, getting old fucking sucks. I mean, mentally it's great. You get more perspective on people and the world and you no longer waste energy getting wound up over stuff that really doesn't matter. Well, not true of all old people, but that's the change i see in me. Getting butthurt is for the bairns. I got more chill, more liberal, more laissez faire with age. But my body? Fuck, i can't drink booze because even just one drink makes me noticeably dumber the next day, to say nothing of the abysmal hangover from more than one. Can't handle the heat of a tropical summer without selfishly destroying the planet. Can't eat 魯肉飯 from that one greasy spoon i like without running to the bathroom a couple hours later. Can't do any amount of diet or exercise to get rid of the belly flab. Chronic aches and pains act as a constant reminder that i am dying. (This, as opposed to the more acute but occasional growing pains of youth.) And now the skin, the skin which seems to be actively fighting against my desire to go outside for sun and fresh air. It sucks!
I kept wishing there was some medicine i could take that would at least fix the skin part, but i am starting to lose hope. I learn about all these Chinese empererors who were so desperate to find the elixir of youth that they consumed all manner of exotic concoctions that ironically poisoned them and caused them to die prematurely. And i'm like, what a bunch of fucking idiots. You're the richest and most powerful person in the empire and you're literally killing yourself in pursuit of youth? Well, maybe i do kinda get it. Even if you aren't the emperor it's tempting to imagine that some magic potion could give you back that perfect, unblemished skin that you enjoyed in the all-too-brief period between finally - belatedly - conquering acne in your 20s and then succumbing to whatever the fuck is happening now.
Oh well. So the summary is i stopped going to the doctor and my skin cleared up. But it didn't heal completely, it just became another biological system operating in a suboptimal state, probably for the rest of my life. Scars of age.
The next two weeks that i have off work i have no plans except to enjoy having no plans. I have reserved today as the time to do laundry and clear out the fridge, and then tomorrow - if i feel like it - i will stuff a bunch of stuff in my backpack and walk out the door in whatever direction feels right. I think i am going to try to find a way to strap my pack to a share bike so i can venture further afield than my usual day trips. It is the most punishingly hot and humid time of year here, and just like rest of the northern hemisphere it is an especially brutal summer, so it's the worst time to travel outside. And i don't give a fuck. If i only make it 3 hours a day, that's fine. If i need to escape into the relative coolness of a train carriage, c'est la vie. If i come back to Taipei after 3 days because i am donezo, all good. I am just happy to not have to worry about anything for a little bit. Not even my skin, because it gonna do what it gonna do. Physical resilience has gone down in old age. Mental resilience gone up. Throw it at me, world. I'll fucking take it.