biking around Kamloops with a bumped head

[amw]

I was going to go out for a quick bike ride today, but something very strange and alarming just happened. The world started closing in and i went into an odd déjà vu state, like i was very high on drugs, then i went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet and i couldn't breathe. I tried to get air into my lungs but it wasn't enough, then i blacked

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[amw]

My new phone has some sort of "moving picture mode" and it makes a lot of photos come out looking interesting and dreamlike.

I don't qualify for healthcare yet. As a Canadian i do qualify for provinicial healthcare after i have lived in a particular province for 3 months, but i still have a few months to go, and i need to convince them without a rental agreement that i do actually live here.

I have emergency health insurance that i bought just in case, but i'm not sure if something like this qualifies as an emergency. The most annoying thing about insurance - which as an American i am sure you understand - is that it actually discourages you from going to the doctor, because it's not clear if or how much they will pay until afterwards, so i want to save it up for a "real" emergency.

I guess blacking out like this... it's happened to me once or twice and i've seen it happen to friends because of alcohol and drug use. So perhaps i am less bothered by it than if i'd never experienced anything like it before. But in this case it did come totally out of the blue, so it felt a bit more worrying than normal. I've been resting for a while now, though, i think i'll be okay.

[fflo]

I'm glad you're feeling better. :)

What with being all up in the recovery community, and being on the Al-Anon/Adult Children side of things more, when I hear of a connection to alcohol and drug use, I naturally think from the POV. And I imagine how that first instance of blacking out would be scary, and maybe prompt someone coming to the rooms, or how if not then, when it happened again, or in a new or different scary way, maybe that would. Part of my disease is hoping for that from others, tho, and I'm glad to say I am better and better at not trying to steer anyone in that regard! Just confessing it in that full-disclosure sense.

I'm down here getting more & more scared we might not get rid of Trump. It's so weird, the way something like the Medicare for All movement is so broadly supported by the population, but here not only may we may not get movement toward it, but the crappy candidate who rejects it may not even get Trump out of office.

[amw]

My ex was in NA. Still is, i think. I carried her one year keychain around the world with me to remind me never to overdo it. I only just dumped it recently, since it was unnecessary weight in my pack. I found the meetings really tough to deal with because of the social aspects, but it's good to know they're there for the people that need them. I have definitely been in some bad holes in the past, but i think i've mostly stayed on the side of not falling too far down. I think for me going out solo (whether hiking or whatever) where i really need to depend on myself to survive helps to remind me there is something to stay sober for, if that makes sense.

I really can't with America right now. The politics over there seems to have turned into a weird sports event where people are completely entrenched with their team and have no interest in seeing anything outside of that. The media just reinforces it. Meanwhile half the country doesn't vote at all, because i guess they've decided that no matter who wins it won't change anything for them. Which in itself is a problem. What really upsets me is how many people are just going down a spiral of conspiracy theories, like willfully choosing to become more ignorant. Having lived in China where the government actually, really, legitimately manipulates the entire media, it's so sad to see people who do live in a relatively free country disappear into that hole of fear and distrust.