(no subject)
Just realized tomorrow is Sept. 11th. Great. Sept 11th has always been weird for me, since the whole thing happened. Part of me feels sad for what happened, another part knows relatives of the people who died must hate reliving this on TV every year as they tape from Ground Zero. Nicole(my stepdad's cousin) lost the love of her life in the attack, he worked in the WTC. She can't even get off the subway anywhere near where the WTC was w/o crying. OK enough with the depressing, John Mayer's hair is fucked up looking on this hurricane thing. Needs to invest in some scissors. And he's completely changed his sound. I don't like it.
Blah. I'm in kind of a weird mood. I dunno, got a lot of stuff in my head. I want to get away for a few days, just try to figure out everything. Part of me wants to pack up Babycake & never come back. Find someone new, just get rid of the shit forever b/c I know I'm never going to be worth any time. Another part wants to believe things will get better. Wants to believe that people don't really change, don't get bitter as time goes on & they still have the potenital to be how they used to. A lot of shit has happened in 2 years. Lies, hurt... just way too much. I've honestly been through things that I never thought I'd have to. Slowly dying inside, but you're too busy to acknowledge how unhappy I am. How everything has just been pent up & I've spent 2 years wondering if I ever mattered to you. If my opinions ever mattered. And then I realize, they never did & they never will.
Blah. I'm in kind of a weird mood. I dunno, got a lot of stuff in my head. I want to get away for a few days, just try to figure out everything. Part of me wants to pack up Babycake & never come back. Find someone new, just get rid of the shit forever b/c I know I'm never going to be worth any time. Another part wants to believe things will get better. Wants to believe that people don't really change, don't get bitter as time goes on & they still have the potenital to be how they used to. A lot of shit has happened in 2 years. Lies, hurt... just way too much. I've honestly been through things that I never thought I'd have to. Slowly dying inside, but you're too busy to acknowledge how unhappy I am. How everything has just been pent up & I've spent 2 years wondering if I ever mattered to you. If my opinions ever mattered. And then I realize, they never did & they never will.