another dream like -that-, another wake-up and feel the loss. how can a person that hurt me so much be resurected into memory by my subconcience
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i hope it doesn't bother you that i say all that, but it's said and i wont take it back. and i won't be offended to see it deleted, cause at least at one time it existed beautifully. and i never hated you, but i did resent never being listened to when it had to do with the things you said to me sometimes and how it effected me in the face of all the things i never could say. and i never hated your boyfriend or fiance or whatever he is, but i did resent the looks and cues and what i heard him say to make me feel like he was being mean to you in a subtle and underhanded way. i guess i was wrong but i couldnt stand it anyway, i guess thats just who i am. and i'm sorry i wasn't a better person, but i'm not and i cant help it through all ive tried. it's too late for me to change anyway or try to be better than i really am, i'll be back home soon enough and there no one cares about it. we just wander memories, junkies on the street watching split paper blow around and down the gutters and alleys with smiles creeping over our windburned faces. i'll be happy to leave, really, but not without at least saying that i'm sorry. the last thing i want is to have things to apologize for with no way to do it.
so i hope with that, maybe i can be in the past for you. some vague notion half remembered on a rainy day of a person that meant well and managed to ruin everything around him anyway, and then have it passed over as steam will evaporate to be as if it had never existed in the first place. really what i mean is, i hope you feel better and i hope that ghost disappears.
Thank you. I wish you well, more than pixels could ever express. I'm not great at the interpretation of your intellectual literary devices anymore, my mind is wasted (and quite stupid), but I think I got most of the message. Words like those could never be deleted.
i hope it doesn't bother you that i say all that, but it's said and i wont take it back. and i won't be offended to see it deleted, cause at least at one time it existed beautifully. and i never hated you, but i did resent never being listened to when it had to do with the things you said to me sometimes and how it effected me in the face of all the things i never could say. and i never hated your boyfriend or fiance or whatever he is, but i did resent the looks and cues and what i heard him say to make me feel like he was being mean to you in a subtle and underhanded way. i guess i was wrong but i couldnt stand it anyway, i guess thats just who i am. and i'm sorry i wasn't a better person, but i'm not and i cant help it through all ive tried. it's too late for me to change anyway or try to be better than i really am, i'll be back home soon enough and there no one cares about it. we just wander memories, junkies on the street watching split paper blow around and down the gutters and alleys with smiles creeping over our windburned faces. i'll be happy to leave, really, but not without at least saying that i'm sorry. the last thing i want is to have things to apologize for with no way to do it.
so i hope with that, maybe i can be in the past for you. some vague notion half remembered on a rainy day of a person that meant well and managed to ruin everything around him anyway, and then have it passed over as steam will evaporate to be as if it had never existed in the first place. really what i mean is, i hope you feel better and i hope that ghost disappears.
sorry to intrude. i'm dust, and i'm blowing away.
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