I'm wrong!
I think I might be mistaken. I met someone I thought could possibly be my everything, but they really suck and failed terribly. Like Benny said I won't quit until I'm nearly beaten to death emotionally. You know why that is? Because I'm a sucker and I truly believe in love. I never used to, I thought it was silly. Christina and I were talking yesterday at Bamboo and we make sense. It's not when you meet the person and what their situation is, and what yours is, and what you plan for the future. It's not that at all. It's finding the right person no matter what. If you find the right person it doesn't matter "where each one is in their life." I guess it's the type of person that takes things for granted that destroys other people's hopes of finding the one and only. I don't care how perfect or great people say I am, I don't feel that way when I don't have an equal half. As much as my ex TRIED to TRY (to be my companion), he just really made me feel like a fool that's wasted precious time. I consider life to be a very valuable thing and that is why I try to be as good of a person as I can be. I guess I do deserve better, but I really loved him for everything he was, even being a complete ________ (fill in the blank with any lovely word that comes to mind if you do or do not know him or his kind). I could fill in the blank with a million words, good and bad. I hate how he fails to realize how horribly he can treat people-it's probably because he thinks he knows everything. I'm not so sure he even knows himself. I suppose I'm glad I'm not with someone that knows how strong they can be, but forget that they also have weaknesses. I believe that people that realize their weaknesses and try to improve on them are truly good people. I'm not even sure if I want to associate myself with him or anyone like him anymore. I thought it'd be easy to spend time together, since I think we get along real well, but like I said now I'm beginning to think otherwise. I'm really wishing I hadn't ever met him. I don't care what people say about learning experiences. I already know so much from other people's relationships. I didn't ever want to be in one that would SEEM to have so much meaning, and then in the end find out it was all a lie. I don't know how I let that happen...and now my laptop is smothered in my tears because I really do feel used. I made myself vulnerable...I shared all my secrets because to him in order to be together I had to, but you know something, HE NEVER did. That's just one part of the whole one-sidedness (making up my own words I guess). I never expected anything spectacular from him, and now I see why. Little things like having an argument on the phone...if I hang up on him or he hangs up on me, I would hope to have a call back within a minute...never happened. If something like that ever happened with anybody else I would of said, screw it, and totally dismissed it, but with him, I would wait, and actually give in and try to call him back. I've met so many great guys, and maybe a couple of idiots, but I thought he was just right. As much as I miss being physical with him I don't think it's right for us to be that way if we're not together in every way. In the past I've had relationships that were physical with a great connection, but it wasn't love. As soon as I knew it wasn't love it was done. There's just no way for me to be with someone for an extended period of time if I don't have strong feelings for them...no brainer. Love isn't complicated. Like they say , "A life filled with love must have some thorns, but a life empty of love will have no roses."
Well, I feel exhausted. I didn't sleep much more than 3 hours last night between trying to stretch out on a love seat and wondering why someone that said would call me right back, didn't, twice. I'm ready to go to the beach, but I haven't had anything to eat and I don't have my fkn cooler because it's at someone else's house that I happened to share some of my stuff with. I think everyone might be hungover today..that and some ppl have to work at midday so I guess I'm going solo.
You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart
You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane.
It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure.
You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance.
You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!
Are You Obsessed With Your Looks?
Well, I feel exhausted. I didn't sleep much more than 3 hours last night between trying to stretch out on a love seat and wondering why someone that said would call me right back, didn't, twice. I'm ready to go to the beach, but I haven't had anything to eat and I don't have my fkn cooler because it's at someone else's house that I happened to share some of my stuff with. I think everyone might be hungover today..that and some ppl have to work at midday so I guess I'm going solo.
You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart
You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane.
It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure.
You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance.
You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!
Are You Obsessed With Your Looks?