How do I Live?
Title: How do I Live?
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: light NC-17
Word count: 3500
Warnings: Bare-backing, mentions of character death (though no one actually dies)
Spoilers:none
Disclaimer:Glee is not, never has been, nor ever will be mine.if it was, Blaine would be a damn senior with Kurt.
Summary:"He looked at the still form lying next to him. Kurt. Please, God... Blaine thought."
Author's note: Hummelson!verse! For the purposes of this story and verse, Blaine is not/never was a junior. He's In Kurt's grade, they graduated together and they have an apartment in New York. Rachel is still close by though. oh and I'm sticking with my whole Kurt going into fashion instead of the performing arts, because, well I'm not changing my whole verse just because season three has completely jossed it.
If interested, you can find the rest of the Hummelson!verse here on my masterlist but I don't think it's absolutely necessary to read the whole verse to understand this story.
Also, this particular story is kind of a sequel to Straight to You a one shot I did separate from the verse, but It's really not necessary to read it. It might help explain Blaine's emotions a little better, but everything you absolutely need to know from the other story is explained well in this. (of course if you want to read it, I won't complain) This little sequel of sorts is solely in existence because pandoras5thbox could not handle the ending of Straight to You and gave me this idea. I didn't think I was going to write it honestly, but then it festered in my brain and it started writing itself and saying "look, it'll fit perfectly within your verse!" so I gave in. So this is for you Pandora.
Of course many many many thanks goes to my fabulous beta callmerayray without whom this story would not be possible. (seriously I was questioning if I should give her credit for half writing it with me her notes and edits were so thick in this one.)
How do I Live?
Blaine wasn't sure if it was the eery orange glow coming from his window, or the distant booming in the background, or maybe the shuttering windows, and shaking furniture, or just the cold, empty space next to him in the bed that woke him up, but he was suddenly aware that he was alone, and that something was terribly wrong.
Kurt. Where was Kurt? It took him a few moments of looking around the familiar but old room to remember that he wasn't in his New York apartment. He was at home, in Westerville Ohio visiting his parents for two weeks during the summer between semesters. Kurt was in Lima, visiting his father, he remembered. One mystery settled, Blaine got up to investigate the other oddities.
It wasn't easy walking towards the windows, when every few seconds a burst of energy would shake the house's foundation, but Blaine stumbled his way over to the shuttering window, pulling back the curtain to stare outside. The sight that greeted him shook him to his core, and he swallowed thickly, willing himself to blink back the tears and the terror that had risen like bile so suddenly.
The world was on fire.
~
Blaine sunk to his knees crying out loud, screaming at the burning sky. No. He couldn't be too late. He would feel it. Kurt had to still be alive. Yet the sight of the house, nothing more than a pile of rubble and burning ashes, gripped at his heart and filled him with despair. So he cried and wailed and cursed the god he didn't believe in for denying him a chance to see his love one last time.
He collapsed in a heap, weeping bitterly, letting the pain of losing Kurt and the pain of his injured body finally take over. The blackness crept in from the edges and almost fully enveloped him when he heard a broken voice call out in the distance.
“Bl...Blaine!”
Blaine pulled himself up enough to see the form that the cry had come from. There at the end of the street, tattered, dirty, and bloody but still holding himself up, standing but barely as if it was taking all his effort, was Kurt.
“Kurt! You're...you're alive!” Blaine cried, pushing himself up and stumbling towards the boy on the other end of the street. Kurt moved towards him and then they were running towards each other, the world was falling around them but all they saw was each other, and all they could think of was that they were going to get to hold each other one last time before the end.
They fell into each other's arms, crying in pain and joy and sorrow. They clutched at each other, as if they couldn't quite believe that the other was real. That they were holding each other.
Their tears mingled down their cheeks as they pressed their lips together, trying to say in just a few minutes everything they felt, everything they never had a chance to say to each other.
And then Kurt's legs gave out and they were sinking to the ground, Blaine gripping onto Kurt, holding him in his arms as Kurt's own strength finally reached it's limits and he could no longer hold on.
“I...I waited for you,” Kurt breathed through the pain enveloping him. “I... had to...had to see you...one last...time.”
Blaine clutched Kurt to him, biting back a sob that threatened to overtake him. “I know. I know, sweetheart. And I'm here. I'll always be here. Nothing could stop me from finding you.”
“Blaine, I...” Kurt reached up a trembling hand to Blaine's cheek, ignoring the sticky blood that was still flowing there. “I love....I love you. For...forever.”
Tears flowed down his cheeks and over Kurt's hand. “I love you too, Kurt. Always.”
Kurt smiled and closed his eyes. His hand fell from Blaine's cheek and to the ground, his body going limp and still in Blaine’s arms, his breath stilled forever.
Blaine sobbed as he leaned down and pressed his lips to his lover's one last time. “I'll see you in the next life my love,” he whispered against his lips. And with the world burning around them, Blaine drew one last breath before letting the darkness finally take him to be with his love once more.
~
When Blaine opened his eyes it was to the sound of someone wailing. It took a second to realize that that someone was him. He was lying in bed, sweat soaked and trembling, tears streaming down his face.
He glanced around the room warily, taking in his surroundings. He was in his New York apartment. The room was dark, the air smelled crisp and clean. There was no eery orange glow, no smell of surfer. The room was still and void of shaking, and no distant booming could be heard.
He looked at the still form lying next to him. Kurt. Please, God... Blaine thought.
His whole body trembling he reached for his boyfriend and pulled Kurt to him. Kurt's soft breath graced his face, and Blaine let out a choked sob of relief. It was a dream. It had only been a dream. The world was whole, it wasn't burning or tearing itself apart, and Kurt was with him, whole, alive, breathing and perfect. It had just been a dream, but it had felt so, so real.
Clutching Kurt to him, he pressed his ear to Kurt's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat as he cried as quietly as he could. He didn't want to wake Kurt, but he needed to feel him in his arms, needed to feel his hot breath against his hair, needed proof that this was unequivocally real.
“Blaine?” Kurt's groggy questioning voice rang out as Blaine clung tightly to him, still unable to control his shaking and crying. “Blaine, love, what's wrong?”
“Kurt, baby...” was all Blaine choked out before his lips crashed against Kurt's. tugging off his boyfriend's silk pajama top off before pulling him as close as possible, clinging to him, his lips desperate against Kurt's.
If Kurt questioned his sudden desperateness, he didn't say it out loud. He just matched Blaine kiss for kiss, removing Blaine’s shirt and holding him just as tight, knowing somehow that it was what Blaine needed in this moment.
Blaine whimpered into Kurt's mouth, tears still streaming down his face, sliding across their lips as his body continued to shake. Blaine wanted to say thank you, to tell Kurt how much he loved that Kurt just got him, that he wasn't asking for an explanation, at least not now. But he couldn't find the words, didn't know how to say it all. Right now Blaine needed to just feel.
He let a hand wander down in between them and grasped at Kurt's cock through his pajama bottoms, feeling it stiffen beneath his fingers as he rubbed him almost frantically, continuing to kiss him hard and deep.
Kurt gasped into Blaine's mouth and moved his own hand to repay Blaine the favor, his other hand holding onto Blaine's neck, keeping them close.
Blaine shook as his continuing sobs racked his body, the tears streaming down his cheeks. Kurt pulled his lips away from Blaine’s, moving to kiss the tears away.
“Shh, it's okay,” he whispered in between kisses. “It's alright, Blaine. I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.”
Kurt words, meant to be comforting, only served to make Blaine's tears fall harder, his mind still so caught up in the fear and horror of the dream. He squeezed his eyes shut against the tears and clung tightly to Kurt with his free arm, his breath coming out in shuddering waves, half from the tears, half from the need that was quickly building inside of him.
“Kurt, I need,” Blaine gasped out, his hand wandering under the band of Kurt's pajamas to feel the silky flesh of Kurt's erection, skin on skin.
“What?” Kurt gasped out, following his boyfriend and pulling out Blaine's erection from his boxer briefs, sliding his thumb over the head of Blaine's cock, making him shudder and his hips jerk involuntarily. “What do you need, love?”
“I need...I need you,” Blaine gasped. “I need you in me now...”
Kurt moved his free hand to Blaine's cheek causing Blaine to open his eyes and lock with Kurt's.
“Are you sure?”
Blaine nodded, understanding Kurt's concern; they hardly ever did it that way...tonight however, Blaine needed to feel Kurt inside of him. He needed that connection, that balance between pain and pleasure as Kurt pumped in and out of him.
“Yeah, I'm sure, baby. Please, just...please,” he begged as his hips snapped up when Kurt's thumb wandered over the head of his cock again.
Kurt nodded slowly, pulling Blaine's underwear off as he did so, then proceeded to remove his own bottoms. He gave Blaine's cock a couple strokes before leaning down and kissing him deeply, his hand blindly fumbling at the bedside drawer for the lube and condoms. Blaine for his part continued to cling to Kurt, pulling him down closer, their bodies flush together, the tears finally drying, but his mind and body still shaking in the aftermath of the dream..
Lube finally in hand, Kurt pulled back and poured a generous amount onto his fingers, warming it up quickly in his hand. He nudged Blaine’s legs apart then trailed a finger around his entrance before pushing it in. Blaine sucked in a breath.
“Kurt, please,” he panted. “Now. I need...”
“I know, love, but it's been awhile,” Kurt said as he moved his finger in and out. “I don't want to hurt you.”
Blaine whimpered as Kurt worked, thrusting his hips back into Kurt’s hand. He knew Kurt was right in stretching him first but the feeling just wasn't enough. He wanted more - he wanted Kurt. He could tell though, that Kurt somehow understood and felt his desperation because he moved faster than he normally would have, spending the barest amount of time possible before adding each finger.
Sooner than what he was expecting but still longer than what he would have liked, Kurt finally pulled his fingers away and reached for a condom.
“No, Kurt. Can we just...” Blaine started nervously. They never had sex without a condom, but tonight....Blaine didn't want anything in between him and Kurt. “Just this once, baby? Please. I just...I really need...”
Kurt set the condom aside and moved closer to Blaine, hands on his shoulders, pulling him up so that he was straddling Kurt's lap. Kurt gently caressed his face before drawing him into a long, passionate kiss.
“Oh, love,” Kurt breath against Blaine's lips. “Please tell me what's wrong. Whatever it is, it's really done a number on you.”
“I will, Kurt. I will, I just...” Blaine choked on his words, the image of Kurt, bruised and bloody and dying, springing to the forefront of his mind. He fought the tears as they started to fall freely once again. “After, baby,” he continued thickly. “I just need you now, Kurt. Please.”
“Shh,” Kurt comforted, brushing the tears away, his lips still close and brushing Blaine's skin as he gazed into Blaine's eyes. “Shh, Blaine, it's okay. Tell me when you're ready.” Kurt brushed his lips against Blaine’s lightly. Though the kiss was slower, patient, and barely there, it seemed to Blaine to be even more passionate with that simple brush then any of the hard, wanting, frenzied kisses that they had shared so far that night.
Kurt pulled back and poured a small amount of lube on his hand again, spreading it over his cock quickly and lined up with Blaine who was still straddling Kurt. He wrapped a hand around Blaine’s neck and played with the hair at the nape of his neck while Blaine held Kurt's steady gaze and slowly lowered himself down onto Kurt, hands gripping his shoulders tightly
Blaine sucked in a breath at the feel of Kurt sliding into him without the barrier of the condom. Just the feeling of Kurt in him was incredibly intense on normal occasions, but like this, with nothing in between them, it was unlike anything Blaine had ever experienced before. It was exactly what he needed to feel.
Kurt let out a breathy moan, moving his hands down Blaine's side and resting them at his hips, gripping softly as he helped guide Blaine up and down his cock. They set a steady rhythm, keeping their gaze on each other, Blaine occasionally leaning down to kiss Kurt deeply and desperately.
Blaine fought the emotions welling up inside in him as he moved over Kurt. All too real Images of Kurt lying dead in his arms, broken and bloody, flicked through his mind, making him move faster and kiss Kurt deeper. It was almost as if he was convinced that if that made love long enough, hard enough, that he could purge the images from his mind. The dream had shaken him to his core, and even though he knew it wasn't real, part of him was afraid that it could become reality. The idea of Kurt dying and no longer being in his life scared him more than he wanted to admit.
If he held Kurt a little too tightly as they made love, Kurt didn't say. He gave as much as Blaine, with passion and desperation to match. It made Blaine love Kurt even more; the fact that even though Kurt didn't know what was wrong, he seemed to know exactly what Blaine needed to make it right. Slowly the desperation and the passion built until it all became too much for Blaine.
“Kurt, I...” he gasped as the tears streamed down his cheeks. He buried his head in the crook of Kurt's shoulder. “I'm close, I'm so close. Please...”
Kurt tilted his head up and whispered in Blaine's ear. “Me too. Come with me, my love.” Blaine crashed their lips together as he let go to feel nothing but pleasure, spilling over their chests while Kurt came deep inside him.
They stayed like that for some time as they both came down, just holding each other, not moving except for the long, lazy kiss that they continued to share.
Kurt eventually pulled back from the kiss, gently brushing away the residual tears on Blaine's cheeks, he eyes speaking volumes of his love and concern for Blaine. Kurt shifted uncomfortably under him, and Blaine gently pulled off and laid back down, running his hands down Kurt’s arms, giving him a watery smile.
Kurt smiled back as he moved off the bed. Blaine's hand tightened around Kurt's wrist.
“Shh,” Kurt soothed, leaning forward and brushing his lips against Blaine’s. “It's okay.” He gently removed his wrist from Blaine's grip as he pulled back. “I'll be right back, I promise.”
Blaine reluctantly let Kurt go and watched as he headed into the bathroom. He let out a long shuddering breath as he tried to relax, though not really succeeding. Every second without Kurt in his arms felt like a lifetime. He closed his eyes tight, pushing the palms of his hands against his closed eyelids, willing himself to take deep, steadying breaths.
Finally he felt the bed dip and a gentle touch cleaning him with a warm washcloth. After a few minutes the bed shifted again and Kurt was curling up next to him, pulling the sheets over their naked bodies and relaxing into his side. Blaine folded his arms around Kurt and pulled him in tighter, burying his head into Kurt's hair, breathing deep and taking in everything that was Kurt. They laid there quietly, not speaking, Kurt not pushing him, but quietly supporting him, brushing slow lazy circles over Blaine’s chest with gentle fingers, quietly reassuring him with the soft touch.
Finally Blaine broke the silence. “I had a dream,” he said quietly, his voice shaking slightly but still he held firm, held it together as he continued. “You were in Lima, and I was at my parents, and...and the whole world...” He let out a shuddering breath. “The world was ripping itself apart. It...It smelled like sulfur and the sky glowed orange from the flames and the air was thick with smoke. The ground shook and...boulders fell from the sky and...and I couldn't get to you.” Blaine's voice broke, his emotions that had been so close to the surface taking hold and getting the better of him once again. Kurt's arms tightened around him, letting Blaine know he was there and quietly waited for him to regain his composure.
“I don't know how I got to Lima, I really don't.” Blaine said once his voice as steady again. “By all accounts I should have died several times over, but somehow I just kept going. The only thing I could think of was to get to you. It was the only thing that mattered. But when I got there, to your dad's house...” Blaine’s voice quivered but he pressed on. “I thought I was too late. The house was gone and...I knew somehow that that was where you had to be, and when I saw the house,” Blaine choked on a sob.
“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt whispered, squeezing gently and placing a soft kiss on Blaine’s chest.
“But then...you were there. Despite the world ending, you were alive and running towards me and everything was right again...until it wasn't.”
Blaine quietly and breathed a heavy sigh, refusing to cry again. He had cried enough. It wasn't real. Kurt was there, right there with him and there was no reason to be so upset. Except that the very idea of living without Kurt seemed so fundamentally wrong that he just couldn't handle it.
“What do you mean?” Kurt asked quietly.
“You died, Kurt” Blaine said, his voice quiet, a slight waver still there. His words cut through the air, the weight of them setting heavy between them and a new wave of emotion rushed over Blaine, having finally said the words out loud.
After a long, silent moment, Blaine turned so that he and Kurt were eye to eye. He framed Kurt's face with his hands and pulled him close so that their faces were just inches from the other, their breaths mingling intimately in front of him.
“Kurt, I can't lose you,” Blaine said vehemently, his eyes closing for a second as he tried to make Kurt understand. “I can't go through that, losing you, even for a few minutes. I can't live without you in my life. There would be no reason otherwise. You are my life, and I can't handle even the thought of going on with life without you.”
Blaine watched Kurt, blinking back the tears that were falling down his face. Kurt's face was so full of love and awe and wonder at Blaine's words and it only served to make Blaine all the more sure that a life without Kurt could never be. Kurt was it for him. He had known it before; since he was in high school to be exact. He always knew that he and Kurt would get married one day and spend their lives together. But tonight was different. Tonight, faced with the reality that Kurt could be taken from him at any moment, it was no longer a matter of wanting to marry and spend the rest of his life with Kurt Hummel, It was a matter of needing it, like he never needed anything in his life before.
“Blaine, love,” Kurt choked out through his free falling tears. “I love you so much. You know I would never, ever leave you of my own volition. I'm yours forever, you know that. It's just you and me, no one else. I'll love you forever.”
Blaine closed the distance between them, sealing their lips together with a soft, gentle kiss full of promise and hope and love. This was it. This was Blaine's future. Kurt and Blaine. Blaine and Kurt. From this moment on, they would be inseparable, more so then they had ever been before. Although the images of the dream still scared him, a peace settled about him as he and Kurt slowly kissed until they both drifted back to sleep wrapped in each others arms. It was a peace that said he would never have to worry about a life without Kurt, because they made a promise tonight. Maybe there weren't any rings on their fingers yet, but Blaine knew there would be, one day. And they would never come off once they were.
The End
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: light NC-17
Word count: 3500
Warnings: Bare-backing, mentions of character death (though no one actually dies)
Spoilers:none
Disclaimer:Glee is not, never has been, nor ever will be mine.if it was, Blaine would be a damn senior with Kurt.
Summary:"He looked at the still form lying next to him. Kurt. Please, God... Blaine thought."
Author's note: Hummelson!verse! For the purposes of this story and verse, Blaine is not/never was a junior. He's In Kurt's grade, they graduated together and they have an apartment in New York. Rachel is still close by though. oh and I'm sticking with my whole Kurt going into fashion instead of the performing arts, because, well I'm not changing my whole verse just because season three has completely jossed it.
If interested, you can find the rest of the Hummelson!verse here on my masterlist but I don't think it's absolutely necessary to read the whole verse to understand this story.
Also, this particular story is kind of a sequel to Straight to You a one shot I did separate from the verse, but It's really not necessary to read it. It might help explain Blaine's emotions a little better, but everything you absolutely need to know from the other story is explained well in this. (of course if you want to read it, I won't complain) This little sequel of sorts is solely in existence because pandoras5thbox could not handle the ending of Straight to You and gave me this idea. I didn't think I was going to write it honestly, but then it festered in my brain and it started writing itself and saying "look, it'll fit perfectly within your verse!" so I gave in. So this is for you Pandora.
Of course many many many thanks goes to my fabulous beta callmerayray without whom this story would not be possible. (seriously I was questioning if I should give her credit for half writing it with me her notes and edits were so thick in this one.)
How do I Live?
Blaine wasn't sure if it was the eery orange glow coming from his window, or the distant booming in the background, or maybe the shuttering windows, and shaking furniture, or just the cold, empty space next to him in the bed that woke him up, but he was suddenly aware that he was alone, and that something was terribly wrong.
Kurt. Where was Kurt? It took him a few moments of looking around the familiar but old room to remember that he wasn't in his New York apartment. He was at home, in Westerville Ohio visiting his parents for two weeks during the summer between semesters. Kurt was in Lima, visiting his father, he remembered. One mystery settled, Blaine got up to investigate the other oddities.
It wasn't easy walking towards the windows, when every few seconds a burst of energy would shake the house's foundation, but Blaine stumbled his way over to the shuttering window, pulling back the curtain to stare outside. The sight that greeted him shook him to his core, and he swallowed thickly, willing himself to blink back the tears and the terror that had risen like bile so suddenly.
The world was on fire.
~
Blaine sunk to his knees crying out loud, screaming at the burning sky. No. He couldn't be too late. He would feel it. Kurt had to still be alive. Yet the sight of the house, nothing more than a pile of rubble and burning ashes, gripped at his heart and filled him with despair. So he cried and wailed and cursed the god he didn't believe in for denying him a chance to see his love one last time.
He collapsed in a heap, weeping bitterly, letting the pain of losing Kurt and the pain of his injured body finally take over. The blackness crept in from the edges and almost fully enveloped him when he heard a broken voice call out in the distance.
“Bl...Blaine!”
Blaine pulled himself up enough to see the form that the cry had come from. There at the end of the street, tattered, dirty, and bloody but still holding himself up, standing but barely as if it was taking all his effort, was Kurt.
“Kurt! You're...you're alive!” Blaine cried, pushing himself up and stumbling towards the boy on the other end of the street. Kurt moved towards him and then they were running towards each other, the world was falling around them but all they saw was each other, and all they could think of was that they were going to get to hold each other one last time before the end.
They fell into each other's arms, crying in pain and joy and sorrow. They clutched at each other, as if they couldn't quite believe that the other was real. That they were holding each other.
Their tears mingled down their cheeks as they pressed their lips together, trying to say in just a few minutes everything they felt, everything they never had a chance to say to each other.
And then Kurt's legs gave out and they were sinking to the ground, Blaine gripping onto Kurt, holding him in his arms as Kurt's own strength finally reached it's limits and he could no longer hold on.
“I...I waited for you,” Kurt breathed through the pain enveloping him. “I... had to...had to see you...one last...time.”
Blaine clutched Kurt to him, biting back a sob that threatened to overtake him. “I know. I know, sweetheart. And I'm here. I'll always be here. Nothing could stop me from finding you.”
“Blaine, I...” Kurt reached up a trembling hand to Blaine's cheek, ignoring the sticky blood that was still flowing there. “I love....I love you. For...forever.”
Tears flowed down his cheeks and over Kurt's hand. “I love you too, Kurt. Always.”
Kurt smiled and closed his eyes. His hand fell from Blaine's cheek and to the ground, his body going limp and still in Blaine’s arms, his breath stilled forever.
Blaine sobbed as he leaned down and pressed his lips to his lover's one last time. “I'll see you in the next life my love,” he whispered against his lips. And with the world burning around them, Blaine drew one last breath before letting the darkness finally take him to be with his love once more.
~
When Blaine opened his eyes it was to the sound of someone wailing. It took a second to realize that that someone was him. He was lying in bed, sweat soaked and trembling, tears streaming down his face.
He glanced around the room warily, taking in his surroundings. He was in his New York apartment. The room was dark, the air smelled crisp and clean. There was no eery orange glow, no smell of surfer. The room was still and void of shaking, and no distant booming could be heard.
He looked at the still form lying next to him. Kurt. Please, God... Blaine thought.
His whole body trembling he reached for his boyfriend and pulled Kurt to him. Kurt's soft breath graced his face, and Blaine let out a choked sob of relief. It was a dream. It had only been a dream. The world was whole, it wasn't burning or tearing itself apart, and Kurt was with him, whole, alive, breathing and perfect. It had just been a dream, but it had felt so, so real.
Clutching Kurt to him, he pressed his ear to Kurt's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat as he cried as quietly as he could. He didn't want to wake Kurt, but he needed to feel him in his arms, needed to feel his hot breath against his hair, needed proof that this was unequivocally real.
“Blaine?” Kurt's groggy questioning voice rang out as Blaine clung tightly to him, still unable to control his shaking and crying. “Blaine, love, what's wrong?”
“Kurt, baby...” was all Blaine choked out before his lips crashed against Kurt's. tugging off his boyfriend's silk pajama top off before pulling him as close as possible, clinging to him, his lips desperate against Kurt's.
If Kurt questioned his sudden desperateness, he didn't say it out loud. He just matched Blaine kiss for kiss, removing Blaine’s shirt and holding him just as tight, knowing somehow that it was what Blaine needed in this moment.
Blaine whimpered into Kurt's mouth, tears still streaming down his face, sliding across their lips as his body continued to shake. Blaine wanted to say thank you, to tell Kurt how much he loved that Kurt just got him, that he wasn't asking for an explanation, at least not now. But he couldn't find the words, didn't know how to say it all. Right now Blaine needed to just feel.
He let a hand wander down in between them and grasped at Kurt's cock through his pajama bottoms, feeling it stiffen beneath his fingers as he rubbed him almost frantically, continuing to kiss him hard and deep.
Kurt gasped into Blaine's mouth and moved his own hand to repay Blaine the favor, his other hand holding onto Blaine's neck, keeping them close.
Blaine shook as his continuing sobs racked his body, the tears streaming down his cheeks. Kurt pulled his lips away from Blaine’s, moving to kiss the tears away.
“Shh, it's okay,” he whispered in between kisses. “It's alright, Blaine. I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.”
Kurt words, meant to be comforting, only served to make Blaine's tears fall harder, his mind still so caught up in the fear and horror of the dream. He squeezed his eyes shut against the tears and clung tightly to Kurt with his free arm, his breath coming out in shuddering waves, half from the tears, half from the need that was quickly building inside of him.
“Kurt, I need,” Blaine gasped out, his hand wandering under the band of Kurt's pajamas to feel the silky flesh of Kurt's erection, skin on skin.
“What?” Kurt gasped out, following his boyfriend and pulling out Blaine's erection from his boxer briefs, sliding his thumb over the head of Blaine's cock, making him shudder and his hips jerk involuntarily. “What do you need, love?”
“I need...I need you,” Blaine gasped. “I need you in me now...”
Kurt moved his free hand to Blaine's cheek causing Blaine to open his eyes and lock with Kurt's.
“Are you sure?”
Blaine nodded, understanding Kurt's concern; they hardly ever did it that way...tonight however, Blaine needed to feel Kurt inside of him. He needed that connection, that balance between pain and pleasure as Kurt pumped in and out of him.
“Yeah, I'm sure, baby. Please, just...please,” he begged as his hips snapped up when Kurt's thumb wandered over the head of his cock again.
Kurt nodded slowly, pulling Blaine's underwear off as he did so, then proceeded to remove his own bottoms. He gave Blaine's cock a couple strokes before leaning down and kissing him deeply, his hand blindly fumbling at the bedside drawer for the lube and condoms. Blaine for his part continued to cling to Kurt, pulling him down closer, their bodies flush together, the tears finally drying, but his mind and body still shaking in the aftermath of the dream..
Lube finally in hand, Kurt pulled back and poured a generous amount onto his fingers, warming it up quickly in his hand. He nudged Blaine’s legs apart then trailed a finger around his entrance before pushing it in. Blaine sucked in a breath.
“Kurt, please,” he panted. “Now. I need...”
“I know, love, but it's been awhile,” Kurt said as he moved his finger in and out. “I don't want to hurt you.”
Blaine whimpered as Kurt worked, thrusting his hips back into Kurt’s hand. He knew Kurt was right in stretching him first but the feeling just wasn't enough. He wanted more - he wanted Kurt. He could tell though, that Kurt somehow understood and felt his desperation because he moved faster than he normally would have, spending the barest amount of time possible before adding each finger.
Sooner than what he was expecting but still longer than what he would have liked, Kurt finally pulled his fingers away and reached for a condom.
“No, Kurt. Can we just...” Blaine started nervously. They never had sex without a condom, but tonight....Blaine didn't want anything in between him and Kurt. “Just this once, baby? Please. I just...I really need...”
Kurt set the condom aside and moved closer to Blaine, hands on his shoulders, pulling him up so that he was straddling Kurt's lap. Kurt gently caressed his face before drawing him into a long, passionate kiss.
“Oh, love,” Kurt breath against Blaine's lips. “Please tell me what's wrong. Whatever it is, it's really done a number on you.”
“I will, Kurt. I will, I just...” Blaine choked on his words, the image of Kurt, bruised and bloody and dying, springing to the forefront of his mind. He fought the tears as they started to fall freely once again. “After, baby,” he continued thickly. “I just need you now, Kurt. Please.”
“Shh,” Kurt comforted, brushing the tears away, his lips still close and brushing Blaine's skin as he gazed into Blaine's eyes. “Shh, Blaine, it's okay. Tell me when you're ready.” Kurt brushed his lips against Blaine’s lightly. Though the kiss was slower, patient, and barely there, it seemed to Blaine to be even more passionate with that simple brush then any of the hard, wanting, frenzied kisses that they had shared so far that night.
Kurt pulled back and poured a small amount of lube on his hand again, spreading it over his cock quickly and lined up with Blaine who was still straddling Kurt. He wrapped a hand around Blaine’s neck and played with the hair at the nape of his neck while Blaine held Kurt's steady gaze and slowly lowered himself down onto Kurt, hands gripping his shoulders tightly
Blaine sucked in a breath at the feel of Kurt sliding into him without the barrier of the condom. Just the feeling of Kurt in him was incredibly intense on normal occasions, but like this, with nothing in between them, it was unlike anything Blaine had ever experienced before. It was exactly what he needed to feel.
Kurt let out a breathy moan, moving his hands down Blaine's side and resting them at his hips, gripping softly as he helped guide Blaine up and down his cock. They set a steady rhythm, keeping their gaze on each other, Blaine occasionally leaning down to kiss Kurt deeply and desperately.
Blaine fought the emotions welling up inside in him as he moved over Kurt. All too real Images of Kurt lying dead in his arms, broken and bloody, flicked through his mind, making him move faster and kiss Kurt deeper. It was almost as if he was convinced that if that made love long enough, hard enough, that he could purge the images from his mind. The dream had shaken him to his core, and even though he knew it wasn't real, part of him was afraid that it could become reality. The idea of Kurt dying and no longer being in his life scared him more than he wanted to admit.
If he held Kurt a little too tightly as they made love, Kurt didn't say. He gave as much as Blaine, with passion and desperation to match. It made Blaine love Kurt even more; the fact that even though Kurt didn't know what was wrong, he seemed to know exactly what Blaine needed to make it right. Slowly the desperation and the passion built until it all became too much for Blaine.
“Kurt, I...” he gasped as the tears streamed down his cheeks. He buried his head in the crook of Kurt's shoulder. “I'm close, I'm so close. Please...”
Kurt tilted his head up and whispered in Blaine's ear. “Me too. Come with me, my love.” Blaine crashed their lips together as he let go to feel nothing but pleasure, spilling over their chests while Kurt came deep inside him.
They stayed like that for some time as they both came down, just holding each other, not moving except for the long, lazy kiss that they continued to share.
Kurt eventually pulled back from the kiss, gently brushing away the residual tears on Blaine's cheeks, he eyes speaking volumes of his love and concern for Blaine. Kurt shifted uncomfortably under him, and Blaine gently pulled off and laid back down, running his hands down Kurt’s arms, giving him a watery smile.
Kurt smiled back as he moved off the bed. Blaine's hand tightened around Kurt's wrist.
“Shh,” Kurt soothed, leaning forward and brushing his lips against Blaine’s. “It's okay.” He gently removed his wrist from Blaine's grip as he pulled back. “I'll be right back, I promise.”
Blaine reluctantly let Kurt go and watched as he headed into the bathroom. He let out a long shuddering breath as he tried to relax, though not really succeeding. Every second without Kurt in his arms felt like a lifetime. He closed his eyes tight, pushing the palms of his hands against his closed eyelids, willing himself to take deep, steadying breaths.
Finally he felt the bed dip and a gentle touch cleaning him with a warm washcloth. After a few minutes the bed shifted again and Kurt was curling up next to him, pulling the sheets over their naked bodies and relaxing into his side. Blaine folded his arms around Kurt and pulled him in tighter, burying his head into Kurt's hair, breathing deep and taking in everything that was Kurt. They laid there quietly, not speaking, Kurt not pushing him, but quietly supporting him, brushing slow lazy circles over Blaine’s chest with gentle fingers, quietly reassuring him with the soft touch.
Finally Blaine broke the silence. “I had a dream,” he said quietly, his voice shaking slightly but still he held firm, held it together as he continued. “You were in Lima, and I was at my parents, and...and the whole world...” He let out a shuddering breath. “The world was ripping itself apart. It...It smelled like sulfur and the sky glowed orange from the flames and the air was thick with smoke. The ground shook and...boulders fell from the sky and...and I couldn't get to you.” Blaine's voice broke, his emotions that had been so close to the surface taking hold and getting the better of him once again. Kurt's arms tightened around him, letting Blaine know he was there and quietly waited for him to regain his composure.
“I don't know how I got to Lima, I really don't.” Blaine said once his voice as steady again. “By all accounts I should have died several times over, but somehow I just kept going. The only thing I could think of was to get to you. It was the only thing that mattered. But when I got there, to your dad's house...” Blaine’s voice quivered but he pressed on. “I thought I was too late. The house was gone and...I knew somehow that that was where you had to be, and when I saw the house,” Blaine choked on a sob.
“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt whispered, squeezing gently and placing a soft kiss on Blaine’s chest.
“But then...you were there. Despite the world ending, you were alive and running towards me and everything was right again...until it wasn't.”
Blaine quietly and breathed a heavy sigh, refusing to cry again. He had cried enough. It wasn't real. Kurt was there, right there with him and there was no reason to be so upset. Except that the very idea of living without Kurt seemed so fundamentally wrong that he just couldn't handle it.
“What do you mean?” Kurt asked quietly.
“You died, Kurt” Blaine said, his voice quiet, a slight waver still there. His words cut through the air, the weight of them setting heavy between them and a new wave of emotion rushed over Blaine, having finally said the words out loud.
After a long, silent moment, Blaine turned so that he and Kurt were eye to eye. He framed Kurt's face with his hands and pulled him close so that their faces were just inches from the other, their breaths mingling intimately in front of him.
“Kurt, I can't lose you,” Blaine said vehemently, his eyes closing for a second as he tried to make Kurt understand. “I can't go through that, losing you, even for a few minutes. I can't live without you in my life. There would be no reason otherwise. You are my life, and I can't handle even the thought of going on with life without you.”
Blaine watched Kurt, blinking back the tears that were falling down his face. Kurt's face was so full of love and awe and wonder at Blaine's words and it only served to make Blaine all the more sure that a life without Kurt could never be. Kurt was it for him. He had known it before; since he was in high school to be exact. He always knew that he and Kurt would get married one day and spend their lives together. But tonight was different. Tonight, faced with the reality that Kurt could be taken from him at any moment, it was no longer a matter of wanting to marry and spend the rest of his life with Kurt Hummel, It was a matter of needing it, like he never needed anything in his life before.
“Blaine, love,” Kurt choked out through his free falling tears. “I love you so much. You know I would never, ever leave you of my own volition. I'm yours forever, you know that. It's just you and me, no one else. I'll love you forever.”
Blaine closed the distance between them, sealing their lips together with a soft, gentle kiss full of promise and hope and love. This was it. This was Blaine's future. Kurt and Blaine. Blaine and Kurt. From this moment on, they would be inseparable, more so then they had ever been before. Although the images of the dream still scared him, a peace settled about him as he and Kurt slowly kissed until they both drifted back to sleep wrapped in each others arms. It was a peace that said he would never have to worry about a life without Kurt, because they made a promise tonight. Maybe there weren't any rings on their fingers yet, but Blaine knew there would be, one day. And they would never come off once they were.
The End