Lol almost a year ahh? Not to shabby.
It has been far to long since i have written in one of these, and i never thought i would log in to this ever again. But i was introduced back to Lj, thanks to Brian Kline, so thanks bro. :) Anyways, i figure lately i need to start voicing how i feel becaused this is a key oppurtunity to vent to that person that i dont have. Don't get me wrong. I have great friends who would love to listen to me, or atleast listen to me for the sake of being a good friend. You know how that goes, i love my friends, but i am very picky about who i vent too. & when you catch me in the mood where i by the chance do vent you hear it all whether you would like to or not. I am not writing this for those who are interested in my life, because who actually reads these things anyways, and could possibly be interested in my life. I think it has been over a year or almost a year since i have typed the keys in this thing, and its cool i guess because i can look back at all the stupid things from being two years younger and being stupid and all the immature things. It make's me smile, and make'e me laugh reading some of the entries, and make's me straight up feel like an ass reading some of them which i was going to delete but i figured it will be just as fun too look back on a year from now like it was today. But anyways on to my life. A year ago, i was fastly approaching my first year back at Alden, since 5th grade. It was crazy, and intimidating. The thought of all my friends i had when i was younger being all grown up we just wierd, taking a 5 year jump and coming back. I kind of had in my mind how it would be, and lets just say it was almost how i thought. The girls will be bitchy, the guys will be cocky. And then you have your friends. I have made so many good friends this year that i would have never imagined being friends with, all of this kids in my band, i would have NEVER imagined playing music with them. But when your limited to your options in such a small town as Alden, you learn the hard way. In our case it was a good way, we have all gotten tighter, fight sometimes, and bitch (mostly me) but shit gets over with. We move on, and practice or play a show to get rid of the problems, because at the end of the show we all feel the same way, happy to just meet new kids, and play our songs. It's a cool feeling, to beable to play music. And then after your set have such kind kids come up to you and give you a nice comment. I can only imagine how good it must feel to meet new kids everynight because to me there is nothing better arriving in an unknown town being the outsiders when we arrive there, play, meet with new people and just have a good timee with them. SO much fun. But back to the original subject, with moving back to Alden, meant losing some of my friends, well alot of them from Attica. Which sucks alot, i lost so many friends. and its not that we hate eachother it's just hard keep steady with all of them, just as it is to keep steady with myself, being in Alden here. That happens though, maybe it will change once all us little 16 year olds start driving. If not, its a part of life, and i am not to concerned. You take what life gives you.
Over the year that i havent been at my moms, i think i have matured, learned a thing or two about myself. a thing or two about life. Like how important family is, and your siblings. At my moms, i since the time i was 7 years old i have had a new baby come into my life for the next 4 years. It was a little intense, it put a stressful environment on my mom at many times, and for myself to. Because when she was stressed, i was stressed and we argured about stupid shit. I am ignorent and pick fights when fights dont need to be picked and its rediculous. But anyways, i a year away from my moms house made me appreciate my brothers aand sisters so much its crazy. I would have never thought so. The only problem is when i go over there i feel like such an outsider. Being away for a year seeing my siblings grow, and not being there for it is hard on me, cuz i am not used to it. And lately my little brother Austin, who is 4 (will be 5 in september) has really taken notice of me when i get there. I feel like the big brother i should have been while i was living there. he makes me jump him on the trampoline, swim in the pool with him, ride the fourwheeler with him. He has fun with me, and he is always smiling when he is around me. It is a very good feeling, makes me feel good about myself. But on the other hand makes me feel like an ass for leaving for a year. Right now i am not sure what my current situation will be, but i am sure that i will most likely be returning too Alden school district because t hats what i want, i love the school. love the kids. hate the work. But that happens everywhere. I am just unsure of what my ride situation will be. But i will be spending more time at my moms during the school year i know that. And if that takes driving in from attica every day, i am going to do it. Just because i feel good when i am around my siblings now. A year away makes you respect things like you wouldnt believe....
like a good friend. I have a friend that is going through a hard time right now. With a situation that is out of her hands, and a curveball that life likes to throw to make us realize we need to appreciate what we got. It's tough seeing her so upset all of the time. Someone you care about so much going through such a rough time. sometimes i feel liek i cant do anything about it. Except then i realize that i can be the best friend i can possibly be. And i am here for her whenever she needs me. <3
Girls, oh boy girls. Ovb this was going to come up. And let me just say that four monthes ago, ,i got out of one of the most serious relationships i have ever had. And it was good, it was real good at the time. But its the past, and i am not looking back at the past. There were ups, there were downs. There were smiles, and there were frowns. Thats what a relationship is. but i learned the flaws of myself, and the girl and i know that to back would just be stupid. As much as it hurts some time. But it needs to be done. and i am not going to look back. I love ya, and appreciate it EVERYTHING you have done for me, and i will continue to be there for you, but its been four monthes now. We both need to just say it was good, now lets stop being stupid and manage a damn friendship.
Four monthes lonely. Gave me time to realize. That i miss the feeling of cuddeling,kissing. And the touch of the hands that cause happiness. I miss just the feeling, of being happy with someone else. Having someone that makes you smile everytime you talk to them. That is slowly returning to my life, and it makes me happy agaian, and feel good. YOU make me feel good, and YOU make me smile. :)
thats all for now. i will be updating more frequently now. With all the shit going on in my life.
<3 D
Over the year that i havent been at my moms, i think i have matured, learned a thing or two about myself. a thing or two about life. Like how important family is, and your siblings. At my moms, i since the time i was 7 years old i have had a new baby come into my life for the next 4 years. It was a little intense, it put a stressful environment on my mom at many times, and for myself to. Because when she was stressed, i was stressed and we argured about stupid shit. I am ignorent and pick fights when fights dont need to be picked and its rediculous. But anyways, i a year away from my moms house made me appreciate my brothers aand sisters so much its crazy. I would have never thought so. The only problem is when i go over there i feel like such an outsider. Being away for a year seeing my siblings grow, and not being there for it is hard on me, cuz i am not used to it. And lately my little brother Austin, who is 4 (will be 5 in september) has really taken notice of me when i get there. I feel like the big brother i should have been while i was living there. he makes me jump him on the trampoline, swim in the pool with him, ride the fourwheeler with him. He has fun with me, and he is always smiling when he is around me. It is a very good feeling, makes me feel good about myself. But on the other hand makes me feel like an ass for leaving for a year. Right now i am not sure what my current situation will be, but i am sure that i will most likely be returning too Alden school district because t hats what i want, i love the school. love the kids. hate the work. But that happens everywhere. I am just unsure of what my ride situation will be. But i will be spending more time at my moms during the school year i know that. And if that takes driving in from attica every day, i am going to do it. Just because i feel good when i am around my siblings now. A year away makes you respect things like you wouldnt believe....
like a good friend. I have a friend that is going through a hard time right now. With a situation that is out of her hands, and a curveball that life likes to throw to make us realize we need to appreciate what we got. It's tough seeing her so upset all of the time. Someone you care about so much going through such a rough time. sometimes i feel liek i cant do anything about it. Except then i realize that i can be the best friend i can possibly be. And i am here for her whenever she needs me. <3
Girls, oh boy girls. Ovb this was going to come up. And let me just say that four monthes ago, ,i got out of one of the most serious relationships i have ever had. And it was good, it was real good at the time. But its the past, and i am not looking back at the past. There were ups, there were downs. There were smiles, and there were frowns. Thats what a relationship is. but i learned the flaws of myself, and the girl and i know that to back would just be stupid. As much as it hurts some time. But it needs to be done. and i am not going to look back. I love ya, and appreciate it EVERYTHING you have done for me, and i will continue to be there for you, but its been four monthes now. We both need to just say it was good, now lets stop being stupid and manage a damn friendship.
Four monthes lonely. Gave me time to realize. That i miss the feeling of cuddeling,kissing. And the touch of the hands that cause happiness. I miss just the feeling, of being happy with someone else. Having someone that makes you smile everytime you talk to them. That is slowly returning to my life, and it makes me happy agaian, and feel good. YOU make me feel good, and YOU make me smile. :)
thats all for now. i will be updating more frequently now. With all the shit going on in my life.
<3 D