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[amlate]

wow.. i probably hate my life, and would be happy if i died lollollol... u know im so confused right now its not even funnny.. over a number of things.. so many things that just make my life seem to suck even worse.. i can never feel normal for a day. Either i'll be close to it and then the dumbest shit will tear me open. So let me write this and see if anyone has the same oppinion as me.. Everyone knows my situation with someone and i.. if you dont i'll make it a long story short.. there was someone that cared for me.. cared for me so much that they waited around for 2 years to finally realize how amazing this person is.. what made me realize? Well of course i got jealous.... and getting jealous might of been the biggest mistake in my life..when for a bout a month it looked like the best.. you see then we started dating.. and everything was amazing about it.. the way we kissed.. the way we held eachother.. it was great. The reason that we were so comfortable though is that we were best friends. Like nothing could make me hate this girl... Then i look into the past a mistake that she made and so many others including myself had made. And that probably caused our breakup right there.. becuase of jealousy. The next three monthes i hated like slash regretted opening my mouth.. WIth me it comes to a certain point where i explode.. like i hold stuff in for too long.. then i just explode.. saying so much shit that doesnt need to be said.. which ends up hurting me for looking back thinking that i say what i end up saying, but it kills me that i end up saying this uncalled for stuff to a girl id do anything for.. My jealousy always has and always will fuck me over so bad in everything. I lost my best friend over this.. and you know i deserve to lose her. because she doesnt deserve to put up with my shit.. but untill like yesterday i was over her.. i really really was.. and then she starts playing with me even more... but besides that.. i dont need her.. and i am happier without her...

She really isnt needed.. and i started talking with her amazing cousin who is so much better than her in every way. But what happens with that tho.. lol is that the girl is amazing.. and ytou feel so great with her.. and she wants nothing to do with a relationship.. its like i can never win.. i mean this girls is so insanely amazing at anything she ever trys to do.. she has a sense of maturity,sensibilty,responsibilty that not alot of people have.. as a matterof fact i want to be more like her,,

reed and dsutin are my best friends i love them.. and lately im finding out who my real friends are and who the fakes are..