Hey thanks, thanks for that summer.
Why is it that when things are finally getting good and okay they come to an end?
I really enjoyed the past couple weeks of summer because I finally just stopped caring anymore, and it was okay. I hung out with people and was fine.
I don't know what has been wrong with me this summer, though. Or all the time, for that matter. You try to hard to impress people, and then you come to realize that they hate you anyways, and you should have just been normal and yourself around them, but you've just tried to impress people for so long that it's harder to be normal now than anything. That didn't make sense, but it sort of did in my head. Junior year was rough. I thought summer was going to fix it all but it didn't. I had goals that I didn't fulfill. I worked a lot, and I guess that's okay. I haven't really made much money, the friends I thought I had from sailing, it turns out, aren't my friends at all. I sort of had my summer fling, but he won't even speak to me anymore because he's just odd like that, and still in love with his 7th grade girlfriend, who unfortunately happens to be my best friend. But whatever, I probably won't have to see him until next summer, I hope, and that's even if I go back to sailing.
I wanted to, but then I learned some stuff, and now I just don't. College scares me, I'm not ready to write my essay, I'm not ready to put together my portfolio, I'm not ready to leave my safe little Portsmouth bubble. But I want to so badly. There's nothing really left here for me. No strong ties to friends, or anyone, for that matter. I don't know who my friends are, if there even are any. Sure, there are a few, but I don't know. They're not the type of friends you would keep in touch with after graduation.
Well, I can't really complain. I wish summer had gone better, but it's only my expectations that are making me disappointed. It's only my shitty personality and me just being me that makes me upset, but whatever.
Rocky was fun, at least. I had a lot of fun last night, there was no West Side to tire me out, my friends came, I was pretty drunk, and I was just happy. And I was sort of myself. I went to the tech for a little bit, intending to say goodbye to everyone there, but we were all sitting around talking and then I just got up and quietly left. So my last memories of everyone won't be goodbyes, it'll just be them being themselves. I like that.
I've been watching lifetime movies all day. What an existance...
I don't understand how I can go from being so happy and having such a good time to, the next day, being lower than low? I want to be loved.
Love.
I really enjoyed the past couple weeks of summer because I finally just stopped caring anymore, and it was okay. I hung out with people and was fine.
I don't know what has been wrong with me this summer, though. Or all the time, for that matter. You try to hard to impress people, and then you come to realize that they hate you anyways, and you should have just been normal and yourself around them, but you've just tried to impress people for so long that it's harder to be normal now than anything. That didn't make sense, but it sort of did in my head. Junior year was rough. I thought summer was going to fix it all but it didn't. I had goals that I didn't fulfill. I worked a lot, and I guess that's okay. I haven't really made much money, the friends I thought I had from sailing, it turns out, aren't my friends at all. I sort of had my summer fling, but he won't even speak to me anymore because he's just odd like that, and still in love with his 7th grade girlfriend, who unfortunately happens to be my best friend. But whatever, I probably won't have to see him until next summer, I hope, and that's even if I go back to sailing.
I wanted to, but then I learned some stuff, and now I just don't. College scares me, I'm not ready to write my essay, I'm not ready to put together my portfolio, I'm not ready to leave my safe little Portsmouth bubble. But I want to so badly. There's nothing really left here for me. No strong ties to friends, or anyone, for that matter. I don't know who my friends are, if there even are any. Sure, there are a few, but I don't know. They're not the type of friends you would keep in touch with after graduation.
Well, I can't really complain. I wish summer had gone better, but it's only my expectations that are making me disappointed. It's only my shitty personality and me just being me that makes me upset, but whatever.
Rocky was fun, at least. I had a lot of fun last night, there was no West Side to tire me out, my friends came, I was pretty drunk, and I was just happy. And I was sort of myself. I went to the tech for a little bit, intending to say goodbye to everyone there, but we were all sitting around talking and then I just got up and quietly left. So my last memories of everyone won't be goodbyes, it'll just be them being themselves. I like that.
I've been watching lifetime movies all day. What an existance...
I don't understand how I can go from being so happy and having such a good time to, the next day, being lower than low? I want to be loved.
Love.