i won't wait
so today was a good day, i finished my film, which is more than a relief at this point. after we filmed and dropped everyone off, i went to go see bruno's show which was fantastic, really, an amazing job... and then we both realized that we ate nothing all day and it was like 7 already so we went out to deanna's and then ate and chilled for a few hours out on the deck by starbucks because it was amazing out. it was a nice night. we had a heart to heart, and i'm just so happy that i still have a friend in bru.
and now i'm just sitting around and i feel sort of changed tonight. i'm sort of sad, but not a depressed sad, more like a nostalgic, mellow kind of sadness. i was just thinking about everything that's been going on and i realized that i'm getting older b/c suddenly i find myself talking about such serious things and i get it.... things change. a lot.
even the things you love most in the world change and the people you love change, but your love changes with them, doesn't it? you just start to accept that you can't change things but you still have to have something to love, so you make room for those changes and bend your love to fit around it all. i'm wondering if this is even making any sense written down. its like, i used to think that the only constant thing in my life was myself, but when i look at myself, even i've changed. a lot. and it makes me wonder if anyone has had to bend themselves to continue loving me? i don't mean people being IN love with me, nobody has ever been in love with me, i'm just saying. i dunno. i've never been in love, i don't know if i'm even ready to begin understanding how to be in love. all i know is things change and i'm starting to get that when nothing is perfect, then everything is.
how do i get into this?? i have no idea. i just see things getting better for me soon. things seem to be looking up for everyone. things always swing away, and right now, i'm at the apex, and i'm about to swing back into it all.
and now i'm just sitting around and i feel sort of changed tonight. i'm sort of sad, but not a depressed sad, more like a nostalgic, mellow kind of sadness. i was just thinking about everything that's been going on and i realized that i'm getting older b/c suddenly i find myself talking about such serious things and i get it.... things change. a lot.
even the things you love most in the world change and the people you love change, but your love changes with them, doesn't it? you just start to accept that you can't change things but you still have to have something to love, so you make room for those changes and bend your love to fit around it all. i'm wondering if this is even making any sense written down. its like, i used to think that the only constant thing in my life was myself, but when i look at myself, even i've changed. a lot. and it makes me wonder if anyone has had to bend themselves to continue loving me? i don't mean people being IN love with me, nobody has ever been in love with me, i'm just saying. i dunno. i've never been in love, i don't know if i'm even ready to begin understanding how to be in love. all i know is things change and i'm starting to get that when nothing is perfect, then everything is.
how do i get into this?? i have no idea. i just see things getting better for me soon. things seem to be looking up for everyone. things always swing away, and right now, i'm at the apex, and i'm about to swing back into it all.