such is life, she often said
these past few days have been interesting. rather than feeling so affected by everything, i feel really cut off from it all. it's like all this chaos is going on around me but i just sort of sit by and watch it and take it.
oh i found out that my mom didn't love my dad when they got married. isn't that sort of weird? normally i feel like it may have troubled me to learn this or at least make me curious to know if she loves him now or if she ever did at any point, but i just sort of didn't care. see what i mean about not being affected by things? it's very not me.
and then i was sitting around storyboarding for endless hours and my mind started to wander and i was thinking about the boy situations going on and i realized that typically i would be very very troubled by the current events. so then i started thinking some truly depressing things about my life and guys and love and lonliness and i actually thought "hmm... should i be crying?" and i literally thought about it for a minute or so and then just shrugged it off and went back to what i was doing. this is very not me.
it was like, i was thinking these overwhelming thoughts on the inside in an effort to get myself to care about something, ANYTHING, but it wasn't working. like i was trying to get myself to react to something.
this is oh so very not me, but i do hope it stays.
oh i found out that my mom didn't love my dad when they got married. isn't that sort of weird? normally i feel like it may have troubled me to learn this or at least make me curious to know if she loves him now or if she ever did at any point, but i just sort of didn't care. see what i mean about not being affected by things? it's very not me.
and then i was sitting around storyboarding for endless hours and my mind started to wander and i was thinking about the boy situations going on and i realized that typically i would be very very troubled by the current events. so then i started thinking some truly depressing things about my life and guys and love and lonliness and i actually thought "hmm... should i be crying?" and i literally thought about it for a minute or so and then just shrugged it off and went back to what i was doing. this is very not me.
it was like, i was thinking these overwhelming thoughts on the inside in an effort to get myself to care about something, ANYTHING, but it wasn't working. like i was trying to get myself to react to something.
this is oh so very not me, but i do hope it stays.