break the fall; nichkhun/wooyoung/taecyeon
break the fall.
nichkhun/wooyoung, taecyeon/wooyoung ; pg; 5383w
taecyeon knows, when wooyoung falls, he shatters.
A/N: for voice_fan, sorry that this took forever, was in a massive dark hole that is writers block and i didnt want to rush it. Hopefully the piece makes up for the writing somehow >__< . Thank you endlessly to walkonpluto,ongew and rainbwoo, for all the help in betaing and moral support when I was stuck in a rut. Love you all.
Taecyeon doesn’t know when it started, why or how, but he finds himself noticing Wooyoung more and more everyday. The boy would always be present in the corner of his eyes and when he isn’t around, Taecyeon feels like something isn’t right, as if there is a gaping hole where the last piece of a puzzle is meant to be. It feels like whenever there is an empty corner, Taecyeon’s mind will conjure up Wooyoung’s image out of thin air just to convince himself that the boy is, in fact, okay.
He has always pinned it to his responsibility to take care of everyone in the group and he just puts a special care on Wooyoung because he knows, while Wooyoung might look strong and cold outside, when he falls, he shatters. And when that happens, it is with a silent shatter that no one can hear because Wooyoung masks it with his sarcasm before he hits the ground.
He isn’t like Chansung, who bounces back immediately after he falls, or Junsu, who just rolls away into dark corners and stays there, only to come back stronger than ever. He isn’t like Junho, who tears but given some time, pulls himself back together again with minute holes -- or Nichkhun, who hardens after every fall. Wooyoung shatters, pieces of himself flinging everywhere and Taecyeon knows it will take Wooyoung forever to search for the pieces he loses.
Which is why Taecyeon has been watching silently in the corners, where he thinks no one else knows.
♥
Wooyoung first thought he’d be content just by being on Nichkhun’s side, even when Nichkhun was hardly ever around anymore. However after a while, everything gets harder and harder to cope with; to try and pretend that he’s okay when he obviously is not. Wooyoung is tired of fighting alone, and if Nichkhun isn’t going to put his efforts into this, there is no point in this so called relationship of theirs.
Yes, they have never actually put a label on this thing that they’ve got going on. They never call each other boyfriends, and yet with all the things they’ve shared; all the secret loving glances, warm hugs, tightly intertwined hands (even if most times it is hidden under tables or jackets), the whispered ‘I love you’s, the burning kisses and everything that comes after, Wooyoung would think that there is something precious between them. Something that shouldn’t be broken just because Nichkhun is starting to enjoy someone else’s company enough to not even send Wooyoung a single message in between schedules.
It’s not like Wooyoung hasn’t given Nichkhun any chances, either. He brings it up a few times but all efforts are proven futile as they always turn into petty fights. Nichkhun will accuse Wooyoung of not understanding that he has to do this for work requirements, that it is only his job, while what Wooyoung really wants is just for Nichkhun to spend a little time to care (even if it’s just in a form of a text a day while he’s away). After a while Wooyoung decides that it’s useless to try and talk it out with Nichkhun because every time he does, it turns into a fight, and the distance between them increases twofold.
Everything spirals down to one conclusion, and Wooyoung hates to be the bringer of bad news but the situation’s left him no choice. So the next time Nichkhun comes back early from schedule, Wooyoung corners him in the living room, while he is removing his shoes, to talk.
“Khun, I don’t think this is working. I don’t think we’re working.”
“What do you mean? We’re fine.”
“We’re not. You might be fine, but I’m not.”
“Is this about me being in that show again? Shit, Wooyoung, how many times do I have to tell you that I have to do this for work?” Nichkhun’s tone is starting to rise again, and Wooyoung feels the anger and disappointment of the past few months overwhelming him entirely.
“No, this is about you not even trying to make this work. I swear, I am so tired, Khun. Tired of sending you messages, even when I know you won’t reply them -- tired of waiting for you at home till the morning, even if I know you won’t even look at me when you get home and then the only way for me to fall asleep after that, is to cry myself exhausted. Tired of trying so fucking hard to make this work when you are not even trying.”
Wooyoung feels Nichkhun’s eyes soften after his outburst but he tells himself that he won’t fall for it this time.
“Wooyoung... I.. Look, I’m sorry...” Nichkhun stutters, hands reaching towards Wooyoung’s. Wooyoung pulls away before Nichkhun’s hands get anywhere near him.
“It’s too late for that. I’m tired, I can’t do this anymore.”
“But-”
“I’ve given you chances, Khun. So many chances that I’m beginning to think I am an idiot for letting myself hang on for this long.”
“Listen to me, I-”
“I‘ve had enough of listening to you and your empty promises. I know what you’re going to say; you can’t let me go, you’re going to do better. Right? You’ve said that before. Often. All the time, and it still never happens.”
Nichkhun’s unspoken words hang in the air, silenced by Wooyoung’s and he can only sigh because he knows it’s true.
“But this time-” Nichkhun starts, and Wooyoung cuts him off again before he can even finish.
“-is going to be different?” he offers with a wry smile and Nichkhun is left speechless again. “The only thing that is going to be different this time around is me. I’m not going to tolerate this any longer. This is it, this is goodbye.”
There is a sense of finality in Wooyoung’s words as he turns around and walks off from the living room to his room. Nichkhun stalks and follows him inside.
“Look, this conversation is not over for me yet.”
Wooyoung had wished this break would be clean, with as little hurt as possible. He has miscalculated the fact that Nichkhun would try and hang onto him, has miscalculated the effect Nichkhun still has on him. So before he can falter anymore, he is determined not to let Nichkhun coax him into anything. He knows he is selfish for not giving Nichkhun any chance to redeem himself this time around but he has given too many chances in the past that Nichkhun always abused, and Wooyoung would like to think that it is quite fair that he isn’t giving him one this time around.
“Out,” Wooyoung says. “This is my room. Get out.”
“No.”
“No?” Wooyoung asks, giving Nichkhun an incredulous look.
“No. Not until you listen to me”
“Fine. If you won’t leave, I will.”
Wooyoung storms off, hearing Nichkhun’s footsteps chasing after, but seems to halt after another series of unrecognizable footsteps. Wooyoung tells himself that he isn’t going to care, but he feels like running head first into the wall because of the way he recognizes the sound of Nichkhun’s footsteps instantly even when all he wants to do is drown the sounds of them with the storms raging in his mind.
(Sometimes you need a deep fall to know where you stand, and Wooyoung knows now that he isn’t meant be standing by Nichkhun’s side.)
;
Wooyoung is hiding in a secluded alley when Taecyeon finds him. His head is buried in his arms as it's rested on top of his knees, body naturally forming a ball that brings him so much comfort, because it feels like a bubble that protects his feelings.
He feels someone's presence nearby and is expecting the person to ask him what’s wrong; all of them usually does. But this person doesn't. So Wooyoung looks up to find Taecyeon's side view staring off to the distance. Wooyoung collects his thoughts before asking him.
“How did you know I’m here?” He asks, voice just barely above a whisper, but Taecyeon seems to hear it just fine.
“I followed you. I thought you would want to be alone so I just... followed you to make sure you’re fine.” He says, his answer stretching conveniently into silence.
"Aren't you going to ask me what's wrong?" Wooyoung asks. He notices the silence stretches thin between them.
Since Jaebum's departure, Taecyeon has been the one that seemed to step into the shoes of taking care of all of them. Not because he is trying to replace Jaebum, but because as someone closest to Jaebum, he feels the need to keep this team intact because he at least owes him that much, after he left to Seattle for them.
"You can tell me whenever you‘re ready," Taecyeon shrugs. "I just thought you might need some company," he says, finally looking into Wooyoung's eyes with a slight smile.
Wooyoung sighs and lets the silence hang between them but strangely it isn't awkward. Something feels very comfortable, like staying home when it’s pouring outside; something about Taecyeon’s existence makes him feels safe, even when they are in some weird dark alley in the middle of the night.
Taecyeon has been one of those people that Wooyoung immediately feels comfortable with, hosting Inkigayo with him was easy, their interactions were natural even when they weren’t rehearsed. Taecyeon just knows how to push Wooyoung to do his best and work with the plus and minuses of Wooyoung’s personality, and the set was never boring when the both of them were around.
“Wooyoung-ah, I think we should go home,” Taecyeon finally says after that prolonged silence.
“You can go home first. I’ll stay here for a while, I don’t think I can go back yet.”
“Then I’ll wait for you,” Taecyeon says immediately. “Take as long as you need,” he adds, leaning against the concrete behind them and closes his eyes.
Sometimes Wooyoung thinks Taecyeon is like the sky; he shelters everyone without a word, constantly making sure the sun reaches them, but protects them when he knows they’ve had enough. Everytime something bad happens, he makes sure he is the forefront of all of them. Maybe it is as a tribute to Jaebum, to keep the legacy Jaebum has given up his idol life for, but Wooyoung is thankful all the same.
(Sometimes you need a deep fall only to finally look up and see someone holding the sky for you, sacrificing themselves just to keep your world intact.)
♥
Nichkhun never wanted all of this to happen, never wanted to hurt Wooyoung, never wanted to make things awry, never wanted for any of this mess to take place. If he had known it would turn out like this, he would’ve put more effort into rejecting his appearance on that TV show in the first place. But he learns the hard way that by being an idol, he doesn’t actually have a say in his own schedule. That in the eyes of the company, they are their prized robots who have to follow every single instruction from the higher ups. If not, then the consequences are never pretty, like what happened to the short guy who looks like he comes from Seattle. It was in the blink of that traumatic experience that the instruction of coming into that TV show came to Nichkhun. He was in such a muddled state that he had agreed to it without thinking about the implications it might hold for that blossoming ‘friendship’ that is him and Wooyoung.
Nichkhun snaps out of reverie as he subconsciously hears Wooyoung rejecting Taecyeon’s offer for food. It is a quiet and polite ‘No’, but that voice has been haunting his sleepless nights, so whatever comes out of Wooyoung’s lips sounds tenfold to his ears. Taecyeon has been sticking beside Wooyoung for a few days and Nichkhun knows the other is doing it in order to prevent him from talking to Wooyoung. He might think that Wooyoung needs his space but Nichkhun needs to explain this before it’s too late.
So the moment he is sure Taecyeon is asleep, he tiptoes across the dorm and knocks on Wooyoung’s door. The light from the gap of the door assures him that Wooyoung is still awake, and the rustles he hears immediately after he knocks on the door also proves that Wooyoung hasn’t slept yet.
"Wooyoung-ah, open the door. I know you’re not asleep yet.”
More rustles, and the Wooyoung Nichkhun knows would hide under the blanket and cover his ears with pillows just to block out the sound of Nichkhun’s voice.
"Open the door. Then at least I can either ask for forgiveness or beg for it, Wooyoung-ah.."
This time his calls are met with silence. Nichkhun slides down and settles onto the floor, his back leaning against the door frame. He is going to get to the bottom of this and he won’t take closed doors as an answer.
(Sometimes you need a deep fall to know where you stand, and Nichkhun could only hope that there is still a space by Wooyoung’s side (a hidden corner in his heart) to crawl back to.)
;
Nichkhun doesn’t know when he drifts off to sleep, but all he knows is that he wakes up gazing into a pair of tired eyes, Wooyoung’s eyes. Isn’t it funny, how he only notices these things when Wooyoung no longer wants anything to do with him? Nichkhun mentally berates himself for not noticing the way Wooyoung’s face has lost most of its chubbiness in the span of that few months where he had been too busy avoiding the latter because he was too tired for Wooyoung’s tendency to pick fights over his public romancing of another girl. Somewhere along the lines he didn’t realize that Wooyoung has given up. He knows that Wooyoung is someone who doesn’t give up easily, afterall, it’s his perseverance that earned him the place as a trainee back in the days, and if this person has given up on him, Nichkhun must’ve done something really unforgivable.
"Wooyoung? I'm not dreaming am I?" Nichkhun shifts, the floor is hard and cold beneath his legs, but something is supporting his back. He looks around to gets his bearings and finds himself on the floor in front of Wooyoung’s room, concluding that he must’ve fallen asleep while waiting for Wooyoung to open his door last night.
Upon realizing that Nichkhun is awake, Wooyoung took his hand off from supporting him and lets Nichkhun’s back crash onto the floor with a heavy thud. He stands up and prepares to walk off, but finds himself unable to because Nichkhun has mustered all his strength and is clinging onto his leg.
"Wooyoung-ah, don't go. Please." Nichkhun begs, voice still thick with sleep, burying his face in the fabric of Wooyoung’s sweatpants. Nichkhun doesn’t beg, he gets everything handed to him with a slight smile; he never has to ask, let alone beg for anything. This time it’s different and if this is the last chance he ever has to get Wooyoung back, he will do everything humanly possible.
"Don't beg. It doesn't match your image."
Nichkhun shivers. That voice, Nichkhun tells himself, it’s cold. Not angry, but just cold, distant and devoid of feelings. How did he let this happen? How did he let them degrade into this?
"Are you mad? I'm sorry, but I can explain" Nichkhun keeps trying, and would beg again if Wooyoung gave him a chance, but his next few sentences give Nichkhun almost no right to ever try and make things right again.
"Mad?" Wooyoung’s laughter, that comes after, sounds so forced and empty, Nichkhun knows they both notice this.
"I have no right to be mad, Khun" he said. Nichkhun looks up and catches a small smirk curled up Wooyoung’s lips.
"Who am i to be mad? When we're nothing.." and with that he shakes his foot from Nichkhun's grip, the latter too shocked to hang onto him any longer. Nichkhun hears his heart hit the floor, shattering into a million pieces, too dumbfounded to notice Wooyoung’s drops of fallen tears on the floor.
It always hurts more when the person you think is mad at you, tells you that they're not, even though they should be.
At least if he knows that Wooyoung is mad at him, he can try to appease that. Now that he said that they are nothing, there isn't even a chance to make things right.
Nichkhun bends down and sees his heart in a million pieces and decides maybe it's better that it is there. He thinks that maybe he can get used to this feeling of missing a heart more than having it twist inside his chest. Maybe this hollow feeling is better than feeling the guilt that thrums inside him, silent but constantly there, quiet but deadly all the same.
♥
Wooyoung now finds himself lost like everything he was holding onto has just vanished into thin air. Somehow everything that he’s been trying to keep afloat for the past few months is now just nonexistent memories that leave a bad aftertaste in his mouth. There’s a dull ache in his heart but somewhere within the currently non-functioning heart of his he finds relief, and while he was surprised of its existence, Wooyoung welcomes relief like an old friend who he knows he could depend on. Like Taecyeon.
Now that Nichkhun isn’t evading his every sense, Wooyoung realizes the extent in which Taecyeon takes care of all of them, especially him. He has always been a mentor image for Wooyoung and Wooyoung always feels safe around him. And when he found out that he was going to be working with Taecyeon again for Dream High, he was glad, because things are going to be just alright.
Taecyeon is always smiling and goofing off, Wooyoung previously thought it’s just because he takes everything lightly. Now, he knows that it isn’t the case. That Taecyeon sometimes takes stuff twice as hard as all of them - because he feels responsible for them - but keeps it to himself and puts on a happy mask. So when that day he sees Taecyeon on his computer searching acting critics from others, Wooyoung takes his laptop and hogs it the whole day (armed with his whining face that always works) until Taecyeon falls asleep.
When he places the laptop on Taecyeon’s desk that night, on top of his clutter of stuff Wooyoung is itching to clean up, Wooyoung doesn’t forget to add a few anonymous comments on the site Taecyeon is reading from, so when he wakes up and opens his laptop, words of encouragement is going to be the first thing he sees.
He stops in his tracks after he successfully tiptoes out of Taecyeon’s room, stopping just right after he closed the door and thinks to himself about what he just did and what it means. It just dawns upon him that he is starting to think about doing things that might make Taecyeon happy, not as a repayment because Taecyeon has been there for him, but because he cares. Wooyoung smiles to himself for the progress and even though he knows he isn’t capable of returning Taecyeon’s feelings just yet, maybe these little gestures can mean just how much he wishes he could.
(Sometimes you need to fall to know how much you’re worth, and sadly sometimes you’re worth more in other people’s eyes than on the one’s you love.
;
They were in Taecyeon’s room practicing their lines when Taecyeon stops reading and sets his script aside, looking at Wooyoung with a serious expression Wooyoung rarely sees gracing the face of the older man.
“Wooyoung-ah...”
“Yes, hyung?”
“You still like him, don’t you?”
Wooyoung stays silent, trying very hard not to look surprised. He knows what Taecyeon is talking about but he just isn’t sure how the other man has found out about his breakup with Nichkhun. The two of them have been keeping their whole ordeal as quiet as possible from the other members but he guesses that he can never hide anything from Taecyeon’s eyes.
With a big grin he has perfected over the years, he shoves Taecyeon aside, his laughter ringing in the air surrounding them.
“What are you talking about, hyung?” he asks back, amidst of the laughter.
“I can see it from your eyes whenever he turns around. When he looks at you, you act happy and everything is fine but when he turns away your eyes change.” Wooyoung lets the script in his hand drops onto the bed.
“You... you’re more observant than I thought, hyung” He says, too ashamed to lift his head up.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m here,” Taecyeon continues.
“Just... just take as long as you need, Wooyoung-ah. I’ll still be here,” he finishes with a gentle smile, not one of those wide toothy grins Wooyoung always sees on Taecyeon’s face, but a small and silent knowing smile, which almost doesn’t fit with the rest of his face because everything about Taecyeon’s face is mega-sized.
And for the first time, Wooyoung really looks at Taecyeon; looks at the way Taecyeon’s thick brows are knitted together with concern, and at the way his clear eyes are showing gentleness Wooyoung never looked deep enough to see. This time Wooyoung lets himself swim in that look of concern he sees from this man in front of him. It’s been a while since someone really looks at him that way, with so much selfless soul and Wooyoung wishes he can just drown in them, never surfacing back up. People say the most beautiful way to die is to drown, and maybe this time his feelings for Nichkhun could die that way. This might be a selfish step but he needs to take it to move forward.
Wooyoung’s lips starts to break into a small, genuine smile. Without himself realizing, his hands reach Taecyeon’s and squeeze them gently, too gently, Wooyoung feels, to convey how grateful he feels for this one man, who single handedly stopped his world from spiralling out of control.
“Thank you hyung”
(Sometimes what you really need is a deep fall to know that there is someone that would try and break the fall for you, even it costs them dearly.)
♥
Nichkhun is alone in his room when Wooyoung walks in with a pile of clean clothes in hand. Guessing from his shocked expression, the latter must have thought Nichkhun isn’t around, since he never once set foot in Nichkhun’s room after the whole fiasco blew over between them.
“This isn’t right, Wooyoung-ah” Nichkhun says.
“What isn’t?” Wooyoung has his back turned to him as he settles the pile of clothes on the table, sorting through it and putting Nichkhun’s clothes inside his wardrobe. Wooyoung does it with such ease that for a moment Nichkhun feels like they are back in the old times when the world still revolved around them. It’s an old habit that somehow Wooyoung still continues until now, even when they’re not together, and it makes Nichkhun hope that maybe, just maybe, there is a chance that they could go back to how things were before.
“You’re using Taec to get over me.”
“Don’t get overconfident.” Wooyoung says, cold, cutting, and it almost makes Nichkhun wants to abandon this talk.
“No, I know. You don’t love him”
“I don’t, not yet. But it’s easier to be with someone that does love you. Someone who puts your needs first before everything else and wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I know I’m being selfish but I’m trying too. I’m trying to accommodate Taec-hyung too..”
“But you’re not meant to force love.”
“I know, but Taec-hyung makes me want to try, to think about what makes him happy...”
“But are you really happy?” Nichkhun cuts off, unable to keep hearing Wooyoung talking about another man in front of him.
“I...” Wooyoung stops, his mouth open but nothing is coming out, and Nichkhun knows that Wooyoung is currently scrambling for words in his brain to counter Nichkhun’s argument.
“It’s not about my happiness. We weren’t talking about my happiness.” he adds quickly.
“But what’s the point of doing it if you’re not happy?”
“Well, at least I’m happiest than I’ve ever been in this past few months.” Wooyoung says, which effectively silences and cleanly breaks Nichkhun’s last chance ever.
The air between them becomes so suffocating as silence takes over, enveloping them with such ferocity that Nichkhun is beginning to hear the ringing sound of silence in his ears, even with all the thoughts going through his mind.
“I guess this conversation is now over,” Wooyoung says, lightly shrugging his shoulder like the conversation that just happened doesn’t have any effect on him. He turns around and walks away to the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob when Nichkhun calls for him.
“Wooyoung-ah...”
“Yes, hyung?”
Hyung, Wooyoung calls him hyung, Nichkhun tells himself, behind closed doors. That word usually only comes out in public for formality purposes but this time, this time, it flows so easily out of his mouth. This time, that one word stabs right into the centre of Nichkhun’s pain. Nichkhun swallows the pain whole and tries his hardest to continue what he wanted to say. He is glad that Wooyoung has his back turned to him because this way he doesn’t have to see the one lone tear that rolled down Nichkhun’s cheek.
“Just so you know, I really did love you back then.”
“I know, hyung”
And he walks out the door, shuts it tightly as if he was never there in the first place.
“And I still do” Nichkhun says with a sigh, his words bouncing off the walls; crashing onto the ground, melting into the floor below, and gone without a trace even before the effect can settle into his mind.
I guess now is your turn to walk away. After all those times I left you, maybe it’s better that this time you’re the one walking away.
Did you feel like this when I left you fighting alone, Wooyoung-ah?
His heart, it feels like it’s being twisted and pulled into different corners of the earth. All that Nichkhun can do is regret for lost chances, for irredeemable mistakes, and mostly for what could have beens. They were perfect for each other before the pressure from outside got too much that Nichkhun started to give up and look for the safer way out, leaving Wooyoung fighting alone. Now that Wooyoung has given that up too, Nichkhun’s mind starts to conjure images out of what could have been, if only he were there to fight for them with Wooyoung.
At least you are happy now, even if I know I can probably never be as happy as I was back when your smile was still mine, and mine alone.
(Sometimes a deep fall isn’t enough to express the extent of what Nichkhun feels, but it doesn’t matter now, because he knows where he stands, and it isn’t by Wooyoung’s side.)
;
Nichkhun watches as Wooyoung stands up from his comfortable position on the sofa and immediately tags along without being asked when Taecyeon said he’d go to the grocery store to stock up on food.
Nichkhun tells himself that everything is too late, that what he fears for is coming true, and sadly not only was he the cause of it, but he also has no way to stop it.
When they are back hours later, Nichkhun catches from a glance the wide grin that reaches all the way up to Wooyoung’s eyes, and tries to pretend that he didn’t see it. He pretends that it isn’t abnormal that a grocery run took a couple or hours, and pretends that he didn’t actually obsess himself watching the clock while they were gone.
Nichkhun learns a lot of things from this ordeal. He learns, that the worst feelings come as a result of many things: crying yourself to sleep, being replaced, knowing it is your fault -- regretting what you did and knowing you could have done better. But in the end of the day, what hurts the most is knowing that nothing you do or say right now can change anything -- that everything you care to believe in is now just a set of beautiful memories that will haunt you for the rest of your life because you know you could have done better, but didn’t.
They have always said that regret is one scary thing.
♥
Taecyeon still likes to stare at Wooyoung silently though he knows that given their current relationship, he could just stare at him openly and no one would think twice about it. Taecyeon likes how he learns more things about Wooyoung by stealing glances at the man when he doesn’t realize Taecyeon is watching. Only when Wooyoung knows no one is looking at him, will his face relax, and only then can Taecyeon look at Wooyoung’s face and know that it is the real Wooyoung he is looking at, not some fabricated front that he likes to create, to assure everyone that he is okay.
He specially cares for Wooyoung not only because their current relationship allows him to do so, but also because he knows that while Wooyoung might look strong and cold outside, when he falls, he shatters. And when he does, it is a silent shatter that no one can hear, because Wooyoung masks it with his sarcasm before he hits the ground.
He isn’t like Chansung, who bounces back immediately after he falls, or Junsu, who just rolls away into dark corners and stays there, only to come back stronger than ever. He isn’t like Junho, who tears but given some time, pulls himself back together again with minute holes; or Nichkhun, who hardens after a fall. Wooyoung shatters, pieces of himself flinging everywhere and Taecyeon knows that it will take Wooyoung forever to search for the pieces he loses.
Something has changed though, this time Taecyeon doesn’t have to worry that Wooyoung will fall, because he will make sure that he will catch Wooyoung before he hits the ground.
♥
(So they will keep trying, Nichkhun will keep trying to forget Wooyoung and be happy for him. Wooyoung will keep trying to love Taecyeon, even when he knows that Nichkhun’s place in his heart is irreplaceable. Taecyeon will keep trying to turn a blind eye knowing this, and convince himself that this is the best for everyone.
They each know where they stand now, but they don't know what the future brings. No one does. So for now, all three of them are just going to keep trying; keep standing in their respectful place and hope that one day they will have enough courage to walk on forward and never look back.)
♥
A/N: feels weird letting this one go since i've been working on it close to a year. LOL. hope you enjoyed that, thanks for reading and please do tell me what you think :)
nichkhun/wooyoung, taecyeon/wooyoung ; pg; 5383w
taecyeon knows, when wooyoung falls, he shatters.
A/N: for voice_fan, sorry that this took forever, was in a massive dark hole that is writers block and i didnt want to rush it. Hopefully the piece makes up for the writing somehow >__< . Thank you endlessly to walkonpluto,ongew and rainbwoo, for all the help in betaing and moral support when I was stuck in a rut. Love you all.
Taecyeon doesn’t know when it started, why or how, but he finds himself noticing Wooyoung more and more everyday. The boy would always be present in the corner of his eyes and when he isn’t around, Taecyeon feels like something isn’t right, as if there is a gaping hole where the last piece of a puzzle is meant to be. It feels like whenever there is an empty corner, Taecyeon’s mind will conjure up Wooyoung’s image out of thin air just to convince himself that the boy is, in fact, okay.
He has always pinned it to his responsibility to take care of everyone in the group and he just puts a special care on Wooyoung because he knows, while Wooyoung might look strong and cold outside, when he falls, he shatters. And when that happens, it is with a silent shatter that no one can hear because Wooyoung masks it with his sarcasm before he hits the ground.
He isn’t like Chansung, who bounces back immediately after he falls, or Junsu, who just rolls away into dark corners and stays there, only to come back stronger than ever. He isn’t like Junho, who tears but given some time, pulls himself back together again with minute holes -- or Nichkhun, who hardens after every fall. Wooyoung shatters, pieces of himself flinging everywhere and Taecyeon knows it will take Wooyoung forever to search for the pieces he loses.
Which is why Taecyeon has been watching silently in the corners, where he thinks no one else knows.
♥
Wooyoung first thought he’d be content just by being on Nichkhun’s side, even when Nichkhun was hardly ever around anymore. However after a while, everything gets harder and harder to cope with; to try and pretend that he’s okay when he obviously is not. Wooyoung is tired of fighting alone, and if Nichkhun isn’t going to put his efforts into this, there is no point in this so called relationship of theirs.
Yes, they have never actually put a label on this thing that they’ve got going on. They never call each other boyfriends, and yet with all the things they’ve shared; all the secret loving glances, warm hugs, tightly intertwined hands (even if most times it is hidden under tables or jackets), the whispered ‘I love you’s, the burning kisses and everything that comes after, Wooyoung would think that there is something precious between them. Something that shouldn’t be broken just because Nichkhun is starting to enjoy someone else’s company enough to not even send Wooyoung a single message in between schedules.
It’s not like Wooyoung hasn’t given Nichkhun any chances, either. He brings it up a few times but all efforts are proven futile as they always turn into petty fights. Nichkhun will accuse Wooyoung of not understanding that he has to do this for work requirements, that it is only his job, while what Wooyoung really wants is just for Nichkhun to spend a little time to care (even if it’s just in a form of a text a day while he’s away). After a while Wooyoung decides that it’s useless to try and talk it out with Nichkhun because every time he does, it turns into a fight, and the distance between them increases twofold.
Everything spirals down to one conclusion, and Wooyoung hates to be the bringer of bad news but the situation’s left him no choice. So the next time Nichkhun comes back early from schedule, Wooyoung corners him in the living room, while he is removing his shoes, to talk.
“Khun, I don’t think this is working. I don’t think we’re working.”
“What do you mean? We’re fine.”
“We’re not. You might be fine, but I’m not.”
“Is this about me being in that show again? Shit, Wooyoung, how many times do I have to tell you that I have to do this for work?” Nichkhun’s tone is starting to rise again, and Wooyoung feels the anger and disappointment of the past few months overwhelming him entirely.
“No, this is about you not even trying to make this work. I swear, I am so tired, Khun. Tired of sending you messages, even when I know you won’t reply them -- tired of waiting for you at home till the morning, even if I know you won’t even look at me when you get home and then the only way for me to fall asleep after that, is to cry myself exhausted. Tired of trying so fucking hard to make this work when you are not even trying.”
Wooyoung feels Nichkhun’s eyes soften after his outburst but he tells himself that he won’t fall for it this time.
“Wooyoung... I.. Look, I’m sorry...” Nichkhun stutters, hands reaching towards Wooyoung’s. Wooyoung pulls away before Nichkhun’s hands get anywhere near him.
“It’s too late for that. I’m tired, I can’t do this anymore.”
“But-”
“I’ve given you chances, Khun. So many chances that I’m beginning to think I am an idiot for letting myself hang on for this long.”
“Listen to me, I-”
“I‘ve had enough of listening to you and your empty promises. I know what you’re going to say; you can’t let me go, you’re going to do better. Right? You’ve said that before. Often. All the time, and it still never happens.”
Nichkhun’s unspoken words hang in the air, silenced by Wooyoung’s and he can only sigh because he knows it’s true.
“But this time-” Nichkhun starts, and Wooyoung cuts him off again before he can even finish.
“-is going to be different?” he offers with a wry smile and Nichkhun is left speechless again. “The only thing that is going to be different this time around is me. I’m not going to tolerate this any longer. This is it, this is goodbye.”
There is a sense of finality in Wooyoung’s words as he turns around and walks off from the living room to his room. Nichkhun stalks and follows him inside.
“Look, this conversation is not over for me yet.”
Wooyoung had wished this break would be clean, with as little hurt as possible. He has miscalculated the fact that Nichkhun would try and hang onto him, has miscalculated the effect Nichkhun still has on him. So before he can falter anymore, he is determined not to let Nichkhun coax him into anything. He knows he is selfish for not giving Nichkhun any chance to redeem himself this time around but he has given too many chances in the past that Nichkhun always abused, and Wooyoung would like to think that it is quite fair that he isn’t giving him one this time around.
“Out,” Wooyoung says. “This is my room. Get out.”
“No.”
“No?” Wooyoung asks, giving Nichkhun an incredulous look.
“No. Not until you listen to me”
“Fine. If you won’t leave, I will.”
Wooyoung storms off, hearing Nichkhun’s footsteps chasing after, but seems to halt after another series of unrecognizable footsteps. Wooyoung tells himself that he isn’t going to care, but he feels like running head first into the wall because of the way he recognizes the sound of Nichkhun’s footsteps instantly even when all he wants to do is drown the sounds of them with the storms raging in his mind.
(Sometimes you need a deep fall to know where you stand, and Wooyoung knows now that he isn’t meant be standing by Nichkhun’s side.)
;
Wooyoung is hiding in a secluded alley when Taecyeon finds him. His head is buried in his arms as it's rested on top of his knees, body naturally forming a ball that brings him so much comfort, because it feels like a bubble that protects his feelings.
He feels someone's presence nearby and is expecting the person to ask him what’s wrong; all of them usually does. But this person doesn't. So Wooyoung looks up to find Taecyeon's side view staring off to the distance. Wooyoung collects his thoughts before asking him.
“How did you know I’m here?” He asks, voice just barely above a whisper, but Taecyeon seems to hear it just fine.
“I followed you. I thought you would want to be alone so I just... followed you to make sure you’re fine.” He says, his answer stretching conveniently into silence.
"Aren't you going to ask me what's wrong?" Wooyoung asks. He notices the silence stretches thin between them.
Since Jaebum's departure, Taecyeon has been the one that seemed to step into the shoes of taking care of all of them. Not because he is trying to replace Jaebum, but because as someone closest to Jaebum, he feels the need to keep this team intact because he at least owes him that much, after he left to Seattle for them.
"You can tell me whenever you‘re ready," Taecyeon shrugs. "I just thought you might need some company," he says, finally looking into Wooyoung's eyes with a slight smile.
Wooyoung sighs and lets the silence hang between them but strangely it isn't awkward. Something feels very comfortable, like staying home when it’s pouring outside; something about Taecyeon’s existence makes him feels safe, even when they are in some weird dark alley in the middle of the night.
Taecyeon has been one of those people that Wooyoung immediately feels comfortable with, hosting Inkigayo with him was easy, their interactions were natural even when they weren’t rehearsed. Taecyeon just knows how to push Wooyoung to do his best and work with the plus and minuses of Wooyoung’s personality, and the set was never boring when the both of them were around.
“Wooyoung-ah, I think we should go home,” Taecyeon finally says after that prolonged silence.
“You can go home first. I’ll stay here for a while, I don’t think I can go back yet.”
“Then I’ll wait for you,” Taecyeon says immediately. “Take as long as you need,” he adds, leaning against the concrete behind them and closes his eyes.
Sometimes Wooyoung thinks Taecyeon is like the sky; he shelters everyone without a word, constantly making sure the sun reaches them, but protects them when he knows they’ve had enough. Everytime something bad happens, he makes sure he is the forefront of all of them. Maybe it is as a tribute to Jaebum, to keep the legacy Jaebum has given up his idol life for, but Wooyoung is thankful all the same.
(Sometimes you need a deep fall only to finally look up and see someone holding the sky for you, sacrificing themselves just to keep your world intact.)
♥
Nichkhun never wanted all of this to happen, never wanted to hurt Wooyoung, never wanted to make things awry, never wanted for any of this mess to take place. If he had known it would turn out like this, he would’ve put more effort into rejecting his appearance on that TV show in the first place. But he learns the hard way that by being an idol, he doesn’t actually have a say in his own schedule. That in the eyes of the company, they are their prized robots who have to follow every single instruction from the higher ups. If not, then the consequences are never pretty, like what happened to the short guy who looks like he comes from Seattle. It was in the blink of that traumatic experience that the instruction of coming into that TV show came to Nichkhun. He was in such a muddled state that he had agreed to it without thinking about the implications it might hold for that blossoming ‘friendship’ that is him and Wooyoung.
Nichkhun snaps out of reverie as he subconsciously hears Wooyoung rejecting Taecyeon’s offer for food. It is a quiet and polite ‘No’, but that voice has been haunting his sleepless nights, so whatever comes out of Wooyoung’s lips sounds tenfold to his ears. Taecyeon has been sticking beside Wooyoung for a few days and Nichkhun knows the other is doing it in order to prevent him from talking to Wooyoung. He might think that Wooyoung needs his space but Nichkhun needs to explain this before it’s too late.
So the moment he is sure Taecyeon is asleep, he tiptoes across the dorm and knocks on Wooyoung’s door. The light from the gap of the door assures him that Wooyoung is still awake, and the rustles he hears immediately after he knocks on the door also proves that Wooyoung hasn’t slept yet.
"Wooyoung-ah, open the door. I know you’re not asleep yet.”
More rustles, and the Wooyoung Nichkhun knows would hide under the blanket and cover his ears with pillows just to block out the sound of Nichkhun’s voice.
"Open the door. Then at least I can either ask for forgiveness or beg for it, Wooyoung-ah.."
This time his calls are met with silence. Nichkhun slides down and settles onto the floor, his back leaning against the door frame. He is going to get to the bottom of this and he won’t take closed doors as an answer.
(Sometimes you need a deep fall to know where you stand, and Nichkhun could only hope that there is still a space by Wooyoung’s side (a hidden corner in his heart) to crawl back to.)
;
Nichkhun doesn’t know when he drifts off to sleep, but all he knows is that he wakes up gazing into a pair of tired eyes, Wooyoung’s eyes. Isn’t it funny, how he only notices these things when Wooyoung no longer wants anything to do with him? Nichkhun mentally berates himself for not noticing the way Wooyoung’s face has lost most of its chubbiness in the span of that few months where he had been too busy avoiding the latter because he was too tired for Wooyoung’s tendency to pick fights over his public romancing of another girl. Somewhere along the lines he didn’t realize that Wooyoung has given up. He knows that Wooyoung is someone who doesn’t give up easily, afterall, it’s his perseverance that earned him the place as a trainee back in the days, and if this person has given up on him, Nichkhun must’ve done something really unforgivable.
"Wooyoung? I'm not dreaming am I?" Nichkhun shifts, the floor is hard and cold beneath his legs, but something is supporting his back. He looks around to gets his bearings and finds himself on the floor in front of Wooyoung’s room, concluding that he must’ve fallen asleep while waiting for Wooyoung to open his door last night.
Upon realizing that Nichkhun is awake, Wooyoung took his hand off from supporting him and lets Nichkhun’s back crash onto the floor with a heavy thud. He stands up and prepares to walk off, but finds himself unable to because Nichkhun has mustered all his strength and is clinging onto his leg.
"Wooyoung-ah, don't go. Please." Nichkhun begs, voice still thick with sleep, burying his face in the fabric of Wooyoung’s sweatpants. Nichkhun doesn’t beg, he gets everything handed to him with a slight smile; he never has to ask, let alone beg for anything. This time it’s different and if this is the last chance he ever has to get Wooyoung back, he will do everything humanly possible.
"Don't beg. It doesn't match your image."
Nichkhun shivers. That voice, Nichkhun tells himself, it’s cold. Not angry, but just cold, distant and devoid of feelings. How did he let this happen? How did he let them degrade into this?
"Are you mad? I'm sorry, but I can explain" Nichkhun keeps trying, and would beg again if Wooyoung gave him a chance, but his next few sentences give Nichkhun almost no right to ever try and make things right again.
"Mad?" Wooyoung’s laughter, that comes after, sounds so forced and empty, Nichkhun knows they both notice this.
"I have no right to be mad, Khun" he said. Nichkhun looks up and catches a small smirk curled up Wooyoung’s lips.
"Who am i to be mad? When we're nothing.." and with that he shakes his foot from Nichkhun's grip, the latter too shocked to hang onto him any longer. Nichkhun hears his heart hit the floor, shattering into a million pieces, too dumbfounded to notice Wooyoung’s drops of fallen tears on the floor.
It always hurts more when the person you think is mad at you, tells you that they're not, even though they should be.
At least if he knows that Wooyoung is mad at him, he can try to appease that. Now that he said that they are nothing, there isn't even a chance to make things right.
Nichkhun bends down and sees his heart in a million pieces and decides maybe it's better that it is there. He thinks that maybe he can get used to this feeling of missing a heart more than having it twist inside his chest. Maybe this hollow feeling is better than feeling the guilt that thrums inside him, silent but constantly there, quiet but deadly all the same.
♥
Wooyoung now finds himself lost like everything he was holding onto has just vanished into thin air. Somehow everything that he’s been trying to keep afloat for the past few months is now just nonexistent memories that leave a bad aftertaste in his mouth. There’s a dull ache in his heart but somewhere within the currently non-functioning heart of his he finds relief, and while he was surprised of its existence, Wooyoung welcomes relief like an old friend who he knows he could depend on. Like Taecyeon.
Now that Nichkhun isn’t evading his every sense, Wooyoung realizes the extent in which Taecyeon takes care of all of them, especially him. He has always been a mentor image for Wooyoung and Wooyoung always feels safe around him. And when he found out that he was going to be working with Taecyeon again for Dream High, he was glad, because things are going to be just alright.
Taecyeon is always smiling and goofing off, Wooyoung previously thought it’s just because he takes everything lightly. Now, he knows that it isn’t the case. That Taecyeon sometimes takes stuff twice as hard as all of them - because he feels responsible for them - but keeps it to himself and puts on a happy mask. So when that day he sees Taecyeon on his computer searching acting critics from others, Wooyoung takes his laptop and hogs it the whole day (armed with his whining face that always works) until Taecyeon falls asleep.
When he places the laptop on Taecyeon’s desk that night, on top of his clutter of stuff Wooyoung is itching to clean up, Wooyoung doesn’t forget to add a few anonymous comments on the site Taecyeon is reading from, so when he wakes up and opens his laptop, words of encouragement is going to be the first thing he sees.
He stops in his tracks after he successfully tiptoes out of Taecyeon’s room, stopping just right after he closed the door and thinks to himself about what he just did and what it means. It just dawns upon him that he is starting to think about doing things that might make Taecyeon happy, not as a repayment because Taecyeon has been there for him, but because he cares. Wooyoung smiles to himself for the progress and even though he knows he isn’t capable of returning Taecyeon’s feelings just yet, maybe these little gestures can mean just how much he wishes he could.
(Sometimes you need to fall to know how much you’re worth, and sadly sometimes you’re worth more in other people’s eyes than on the one’s you love.
;
They were in Taecyeon’s room practicing their lines when Taecyeon stops reading and sets his script aside, looking at Wooyoung with a serious expression Wooyoung rarely sees gracing the face of the older man.
“Wooyoung-ah...”
“Yes, hyung?”
“You still like him, don’t you?”
Wooyoung stays silent, trying very hard not to look surprised. He knows what Taecyeon is talking about but he just isn’t sure how the other man has found out about his breakup with Nichkhun. The two of them have been keeping their whole ordeal as quiet as possible from the other members but he guesses that he can never hide anything from Taecyeon’s eyes.
With a big grin he has perfected over the years, he shoves Taecyeon aside, his laughter ringing in the air surrounding them.
“What are you talking about, hyung?” he asks back, amidst of the laughter.
“I can see it from your eyes whenever he turns around. When he looks at you, you act happy and everything is fine but when he turns away your eyes change.” Wooyoung lets the script in his hand drops onto the bed.
“You... you’re more observant than I thought, hyung” He says, too ashamed to lift his head up.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m here,” Taecyeon continues.
“Just... just take as long as you need, Wooyoung-ah. I’ll still be here,” he finishes with a gentle smile, not one of those wide toothy grins Wooyoung always sees on Taecyeon’s face, but a small and silent knowing smile, which almost doesn’t fit with the rest of his face because everything about Taecyeon’s face is mega-sized.
And for the first time, Wooyoung really looks at Taecyeon; looks at the way Taecyeon’s thick brows are knitted together with concern, and at the way his clear eyes are showing gentleness Wooyoung never looked deep enough to see. This time Wooyoung lets himself swim in that look of concern he sees from this man in front of him. It’s been a while since someone really looks at him that way, with so much selfless soul and Wooyoung wishes he can just drown in them, never surfacing back up. People say the most beautiful way to die is to drown, and maybe this time his feelings for Nichkhun could die that way. This might be a selfish step but he needs to take it to move forward.
Wooyoung’s lips starts to break into a small, genuine smile. Without himself realizing, his hands reach Taecyeon’s and squeeze them gently, too gently, Wooyoung feels, to convey how grateful he feels for this one man, who single handedly stopped his world from spiralling out of control.
“Thank you hyung”
(Sometimes what you really need is a deep fall to know that there is someone that would try and break the fall for you, even it costs them dearly.)
♥
Nichkhun is alone in his room when Wooyoung walks in with a pile of clean clothes in hand. Guessing from his shocked expression, the latter must have thought Nichkhun isn’t around, since he never once set foot in Nichkhun’s room after the whole fiasco blew over between them.
“This isn’t right, Wooyoung-ah” Nichkhun says.
“What isn’t?” Wooyoung has his back turned to him as he settles the pile of clothes on the table, sorting through it and putting Nichkhun’s clothes inside his wardrobe. Wooyoung does it with such ease that for a moment Nichkhun feels like they are back in the old times when the world still revolved around them. It’s an old habit that somehow Wooyoung still continues until now, even when they’re not together, and it makes Nichkhun hope that maybe, just maybe, there is a chance that they could go back to how things were before.
“You’re using Taec to get over me.”
“Don’t get overconfident.” Wooyoung says, cold, cutting, and it almost makes Nichkhun wants to abandon this talk.
“No, I know. You don’t love him”
“I don’t, not yet. But it’s easier to be with someone that does love you. Someone who puts your needs first before everything else and wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I know I’m being selfish but I’m trying too. I’m trying to accommodate Taec-hyung too..”
“But you’re not meant to force love.”
“I know, but Taec-hyung makes me want to try, to think about what makes him happy...”
“But are you really happy?” Nichkhun cuts off, unable to keep hearing Wooyoung talking about another man in front of him.
“I...” Wooyoung stops, his mouth open but nothing is coming out, and Nichkhun knows that Wooyoung is currently scrambling for words in his brain to counter Nichkhun’s argument.
“It’s not about my happiness. We weren’t talking about my happiness.” he adds quickly.
“But what’s the point of doing it if you’re not happy?”
“Well, at least I’m happiest than I’ve ever been in this past few months.” Wooyoung says, which effectively silences and cleanly breaks Nichkhun’s last chance ever.
The air between them becomes so suffocating as silence takes over, enveloping them with such ferocity that Nichkhun is beginning to hear the ringing sound of silence in his ears, even with all the thoughts going through his mind.
“I guess this conversation is now over,” Wooyoung says, lightly shrugging his shoulder like the conversation that just happened doesn’t have any effect on him. He turns around and walks away to the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob when Nichkhun calls for him.
“Wooyoung-ah...”
“Yes, hyung?”
Hyung, Wooyoung calls him hyung, Nichkhun tells himself, behind closed doors. That word usually only comes out in public for formality purposes but this time, this time, it flows so easily out of his mouth. This time, that one word stabs right into the centre of Nichkhun’s pain. Nichkhun swallows the pain whole and tries his hardest to continue what he wanted to say. He is glad that Wooyoung has his back turned to him because this way he doesn’t have to see the one lone tear that rolled down Nichkhun’s cheek.
“Just so you know, I really did love you back then.”
“I know, hyung”
And he walks out the door, shuts it tightly as if he was never there in the first place.
“And I still do” Nichkhun says with a sigh, his words bouncing off the walls; crashing onto the ground, melting into the floor below, and gone without a trace even before the effect can settle into his mind.
I guess now is your turn to walk away. After all those times I left you, maybe it’s better that this time you’re the one walking away.
Did you feel like this when I left you fighting alone, Wooyoung-ah?
His heart, it feels like it’s being twisted and pulled into different corners of the earth. All that Nichkhun can do is regret for lost chances, for irredeemable mistakes, and mostly for what could have beens. They were perfect for each other before the pressure from outside got too much that Nichkhun started to give up and look for the safer way out, leaving Wooyoung fighting alone. Now that Wooyoung has given that up too, Nichkhun’s mind starts to conjure images out of what could have been, if only he were there to fight for them with Wooyoung.
At least you are happy now, even if I know I can probably never be as happy as I was back when your smile was still mine, and mine alone.
(Sometimes a deep fall isn’t enough to express the extent of what Nichkhun feels, but it doesn’t matter now, because he knows where he stands, and it isn’t by Wooyoung’s side.)
;
Nichkhun watches as Wooyoung stands up from his comfortable position on the sofa and immediately tags along without being asked when Taecyeon said he’d go to the grocery store to stock up on food.
Nichkhun tells himself that everything is too late, that what he fears for is coming true, and sadly not only was he the cause of it, but he also has no way to stop it.
When they are back hours later, Nichkhun catches from a glance the wide grin that reaches all the way up to Wooyoung’s eyes, and tries to pretend that he didn’t see it. He pretends that it isn’t abnormal that a grocery run took a couple or hours, and pretends that he didn’t actually obsess himself watching the clock while they were gone.
Nichkhun learns a lot of things from this ordeal. He learns, that the worst feelings come as a result of many things: crying yourself to sleep, being replaced, knowing it is your fault -- regretting what you did and knowing you could have done better. But in the end of the day, what hurts the most is knowing that nothing you do or say right now can change anything -- that everything you care to believe in is now just a set of beautiful memories that will haunt you for the rest of your life because you know you could have done better, but didn’t.
They have always said that regret is one scary thing.
♥
Taecyeon still likes to stare at Wooyoung silently though he knows that given their current relationship, he could just stare at him openly and no one would think twice about it. Taecyeon likes how he learns more things about Wooyoung by stealing glances at the man when he doesn’t realize Taecyeon is watching. Only when Wooyoung knows no one is looking at him, will his face relax, and only then can Taecyeon look at Wooyoung’s face and know that it is the real Wooyoung he is looking at, not some fabricated front that he likes to create, to assure everyone that he is okay.
He specially cares for Wooyoung not only because their current relationship allows him to do so, but also because he knows that while Wooyoung might look strong and cold outside, when he falls, he shatters. And when he does, it is a silent shatter that no one can hear, because Wooyoung masks it with his sarcasm before he hits the ground.
He isn’t like Chansung, who bounces back immediately after he falls, or Junsu, who just rolls away into dark corners and stays there, only to come back stronger than ever. He isn’t like Junho, who tears but given some time, pulls himself back together again with minute holes; or Nichkhun, who hardens after a fall. Wooyoung shatters, pieces of himself flinging everywhere and Taecyeon knows that it will take Wooyoung forever to search for the pieces he loses.
Something has changed though, this time Taecyeon doesn’t have to worry that Wooyoung will fall, because he will make sure that he will catch Wooyoung before he hits the ground.
♥
(So they will keep trying, Nichkhun will keep trying to forget Wooyoung and be happy for him. Wooyoung will keep trying to love Taecyeon, even when he knows that Nichkhun’s place in his heart is irreplaceable. Taecyeon will keep trying to turn a blind eye knowing this, and convince himself that this is the best for everyone.
They each know where they stand now, but they don't know what the future brings. No one does. So for now, all three of them are just going to keep trying; keep standing in their respectful place and hope that one day they will have enough courage to walk on forward and never look back.)
♥
A/N: feels weird letting this one go since i've been working on it close to a year. LOL. hope you enjoyed that, thanks for reading and please do tell me what you think :)