Promise Part 1
With quiet steps, Yesung made his way down the hallway that led to the twelfth floor of the building in which he had lived for nearly five years. It was a path that was as familiar to him like the plains of his hands; even if Kyuhyun claimed that he was wrong, insisting that he would get lost along the way. Yesung suspected that his claimed may have had something to do with the fact that he told Kyuhyun that he didn’t have to come with him. Yesung strongly suspected that he was just fishing for an excuse to tag along, unwilling to actually say that he wanted to come along with him. Kyuhyun was always so odd to him. Why couldn’t he just say that he wanted to come? Did he want to come or did he really think Yesung would get lost on the way to the 12th floor. The little brat was always causing him so much stress. He refused to believe that he was unable to get to the 12th, which he was already on mind you, just a few steps to the doorway, so naturally that meant that Kyuhyun was just being a petty brat. He smiled like an idiot to himself. The child was atleast entertaining if nothing else.
He had been sitting in his room trying to ignore a whining Kyuhyun when the call came. Heechul it seems required his presence on the higher dorm. His hyung’s voice was light, but he could tell that he was not being as open as he should have been. Heechul told him to take his time however, informing that he just wanted him to come up for a bit when he could before quite sneakily suggesting that it was okay if he and Kyuhyun were busy…that he should atleast finish…laughed scandalously and then hung up on him mid denial. He was very much clothed and intended to stay that way for quite a while if he had it his way. That was so far out of possibility, yet Heechul always made it his business to allude to things like that, no matter how much Yesung told him that they were not currently in such a position in their relationship. Heechul never listened to him and apparently he couldn’t ever stop blushing like a fool. Heechul left him sputtering like an idiot, making frantic denials, whilst Kyuhyun laughed his head off next to him.
The younger man was never any assistance and in fact he was even a problem. Whilst he was trying to make his denials, Kyuhyun was insinuating that if Heechul knew what they were doing, then he shouldn’t have been disturbing them. Yesung was then left to defend himself from Heechul’s accusatory teasing, whilst at the same time smack Kyuhyun to kingdom come, positive that Heechul heard him, confirmed when Heechul commented that Kyuhyun seemed quite eager, then laughed even more. Yesung was positive that he wanted to kill them both. He didn’t know if to stay and kill Kyuhyun, who was being an absolute pain or to go to the upper dorm and scream at Heechul for saying things that he knew would make him swallow his tongue. In the end he decided that he just needed to clear his head and let his cheeks return to some natural shade, banishing Kyuhyun to his own room as a form of punishment. As usual however, the younger refused to listen to him, instead trying a stupid aeygo act that he fell for hook,line and sinker. He was so mad, especially when he saw the smirk the younger couldn’t conceal. In the end Kyuhyun was left to play his video games on Yesung’s bed, whilst Yesung visited Heechul, Kyuhyun choosing not to admit that he wanted to tag along. It was probably for the best now that Yesung thought about it. Kyuhyun would just be a nuisance, especially if it involved Heechul.
By the time he was at the door, he was actually rather curious as to why he was called to the higher dorm. Heechul seemed weird on the phone despite his teasing. He wondered if something had occurred. As far as he knew everything was fine, but it was odd for him to actually be called to the higher dorms. Whatever it was, he hoped that everything was alright. With a firm hand he punched in the security codes, the door opening with a light touch of his hand, sliding off his slippers, leaving it at the foot of the entrance, not bothering to store it away, positive that he probably wouldn’t be there that long anyway. With easy steps he moved past the foyer, into the hallway, calling out a greeting, which remained unanswered until he talked into the living room, instantly spotting a slumped Leeteuk, sprawled haphazardly on the couch, with Heechul sitting on the coffee table, hands clasp as he spoke to a clearly not all there Leeteuk, though as far as he could tell Heechul looked quite calm. Yesung was concerned instantly, quickening his steps to get to his hyung and leader.
“What’s wrong with Teukie hyung Heebongie? Hyung…are you okay? Leeteuk hyung?” Yesung questioned in a rush by passing Heechul and heading for the couch, sliding in next to Leeteuk, who lifted his head to smile at him, the smell of soju assaulting his nose instantly, strong and pungent, Leeteuk’s cheeks red and flustered, slightly disoriented, though Yesung didn’t think he was drunk exactly, more than likely just tipsy, the older man shifting into a more upright position, pulling his body upwards to rest against the back of the couch, Heechul simply looking on, Yesung extending a hand to help him get into place, Leeteuk smiling at him, his eyes slightly unfocused but clear enough to be aware of his environment, Yesung tugging on his arm, holding on to him, looking more troubled than anyone else in the room. It was the middle of the week. He couldn’t figure out why Leeteuk would go out drinking, especially since he was not very good at it and it made him sick. He looked at the older man with worry, then turned to Heechul.
“Why did you let him drink?” Yesung questioned Heechul with reprimand tainting his voice, his eyes narrowing into accusatory glints, face forming a frown as he looked between his two hyungs. He could see no reason for Leeteuk to go out drinking and he could see even less for Heechul to let it happen. Heechul whether he accepted it or not had a responsibility to take care of Leeteuk. Yesung was slightly disappointed in his hyung. Even if he was busy, he could have atleast prevented Leeteuk from doing something that would hurt him later. Yesung dread the thought of watching over Leeteuk as he emptied his stomach through the night. Atleast Leeteuk didn’t seem to be wasted entirely, yet the outcome would still be against him, Yesung practically glaring at Heechul, as he rubbed a hand on Leeteuk’s forearm.
“Yah Rabid Dog, don’t look at me like that. I found him like that” Heechul defended sincerely, not liking the look in his dongsaengs eyes. He didn’t like the thought that Yesung believed that he would be so selfish as to allow their leader to hurt himself. He knew he had a personality that was temperamental at best and was sometimes ashamed to admit that he was quite selfish as a person, but he always looked after his bandmates, especially Leeteuk. The older man was his only hyung. It was a small ten day difference, but Leeteuk never allowed him to be anything but a dongsaeng that he had to protect. It grated on Heechul’s nerves to be honest. It was ten freaking days, for God’s sake, but Leeteuk still saw him as someone he had to protect. It annoyed him to no end, but with time he had come to respect it as Leeteuk’s way of caring for him. At the heart of it all, he still wanted to take care of him, just as he took care of the others. If nothing else he could appreciate the sentiment, even if he never could acknowledge it verbally. It was rather annoying and maybe if he was willing to admit it, slightly painful that Yesung could think that he would allow someone like Leeteuk to hurt himself. It was a dull ache in his chest at the thought. Yesung was one of the few that always understood him. If Yesung couldn’t see that he would never do something like that, then he was really worried.
“Sorry Heechullie hyung” Yesung apologized with a cute smile, feeling bad for his comment. Honestly he had no real malice behind it. He was just a little mad that Heechul allowed Leeteuk to drink and didn’t think how his accusation would affect Heechul. He felt apologetic for reacting in anger. He knew that Heechul, despite his sometimes uncaring attitude would never let anything happen to Leeteuk in his presence. It was not as if Leeteuk was hurt anyway. The older man was just slightly drunk. Yesung was sorry for his stomach and his sleep, but he would be alright. He would have to deal with a nasty hang over the day after but he should survive, once his schedules didn’t kill him first. It was not fair to blame it on Heechul. He should have considered the other man’s feelings, smiling in apology; Heechul nodding at him before looking away, a small smile on his face, Yesung tempted to say something further to him, but was distracted by a tug on his thigh.
“I am alright Yesung ah. It’s not his fault” Leeteuk explained with a lopsided smile, his breathe heavy with the odour of his drink, pulling himself closer to Yesung, a hand resting on the younger man’s thigh as he tried to explain that he was alright, the concern in his dongsaeng’s voice clear. He didn’t want to upset anyone. He didn’t even want anyone to see him like that. When he returned to the dorm, he had hoped to sneak quietly into his room, but felt sort of wobbly and ended up sitting on the couch. He was tired and was just feeling sort of weak so sat for much longer than he expected, Heechul having returned by that time, the younger man just observing him. He didn’t realize that Yesung was there until he felt him tugging at him. He was alright really. He didn’t want Yesung to be upset or for him to blame Heechul. He was just hoping to reassure him.
“Are you sure you are okay? Why did you go drinking?” Yesung inquired with seriousness, his eyes looking at Leeteuk with concern, his eyebrows furrowed to show his displeasure, though Leeteuk was sure that he didn’t intend for it to be that way, lips drawn into a thin line, the disappointment and worry pouring out of him in waves, Leeteuk closing his eyes, not wanting to see the worry that was surrounding him. He really was alright. He had a lot on his mind and he just wanted to get a bit of clarity. Admittedly drinking might not have been the best idea, judging by the headache that was tugging at the base of his skull, surely to get worst in the coming hours. He really should have left the drinking to people like Heechul and Kyuhyun.
“Yesungie I’m okay. I really am. I just had a lot on my mind, that’s all.” Leeteuk assured, leaning down to rest his head on his loyal dongsaeng’s shoulder, shifting his body comfortably, eyes closed as he got comfortable. So, that was why Kyuhyun liked doing that, he realized. Yesung's shoulders were small and sometimes even looked frail, but they were most definitely strong and even more comfortable. A soft sort of warmth radiating from his skin. Leeteuk liked it quite a lot actually, shifting his body to lean against Yesung, who shifted as well to allow him the opportunity to be comfortable, Leeteuk reaching over to take one of his hands into his own hand, the warmth spreading through him. It was comfortable and he liked it, especially when the younger man reached upwards to stroke his hair with his free hands, Heechul snorting then from his position on the coffee table.
“Well spit it out. You still haven’t told us why you were drinking” Heechul demanded, not having the patience to baby the oldest man like Yesung seemed to have. Yesung was always much too gentle when dealing with the others Heechul thought. He left him to it as Yesung was also very gentle with Leeteuk, but the younger didn’t seem to understand that sometimes a firm hand was required. Leeteuk was sobering up slowly but there must have been a reason he walked in and saw him sniffling, though he immediately tried to conceal it. That was why he called Yesung. He didn’t think he had the right temperament to deal with Leeteuk then, the older man more than likely requiring a gentle touch. He didn’t want Donghae and the younger ones to see Leeteuk looking so depressed so sent for Yesung , who would more than likely be able to assist in that light. He and Leeteuk were close and had a good relationship. It also helped that Yesung had practice babying his band members, so it would be easier if he could take of that for him.
“There is nothing to tell Chullie ah. I just wanted to do something different” Leeteuk explained, only opening his eyes to look at Heechul briefly, not liking the disbelief he saw mirrored back at him, swiftly closing his eyes as a defence mechanism. If he couldn’t see Heechul he could convince himself that Heechul would believe him and then he wouldn’t have to talk about any of it. It was flawed logic obviously, but in his current mental haziness and decidedly less than alert state, he really couldn’t expect much else now could he? He was quite satisfied with his decision, a lopsided grin forming on his face as he made himself more comfortable against Yesung's warm muscular shoulder. He was light or maybe that was the headiness of the alcohol, he wasn’t sure. He was positive however that the bitterness in his throat was not something positive, confirmed when his throat lurched a bit, the bitter bile rising to his mouth, bolting out of his position next to Yesung, trying his hardest to steady his feet, the inertia making it quite difficult, the pounding in his heart strong. Seriously why him? It was just a couple glasses…just a couple? …well maybe more than a couple and that was a few hours ago. Why was his hang out coming on so early?.....try missing more meals…..Fine! He was an idiot! ....but that made his mind a sadistic bastard...so ha! Did it really have to criticize him when he was not only forcing bile down his throat but in the middle of an emotional crisis? His mind really had no sense, which then meant that he had no sense…well that was depressing. Why was he thinking about this again?
He bolted up from the couch startling Yesung, who was holding on to him tenderly, steadying himself on his feet, pushing past Heechul, who was looked ready to yell at him, flying or he hoped he was, to the bathroom at the end of the hallway, feeling rather accomplished that he managed to keep the bitterness confined to his mouth and not spread all over their wooden floors. He was sure Ryeowook would have just liked that! Just thinking about Ryeowook made the bitterness bubble, this time the emotion in his heart burning a lot more than the acidic component of the release held in his throat. He was grateful when the door swung open without much fuss, briefly wondering if he would even make it to the toilet, having no choice but to settle for the sink, bending over the basin just as the bitterness became too much for him, bending his head as he emptied the contents of his stomach, which really only consisted of some of the soju he had drank and bitter acid, maybe the remains of a granola bar he had sometime during the day, he wasn’t sure. He only knew that he felt miserable and his legs were giving out on him pretty soon. His head was spinning and the room was looking really weird. He continued to regurgitate acid and bitterness, reaching a hand out to open the faucet, trying to get of the awful smell away.
He reached blindly for the silver implement but couldn’t seem to find it, feeling frustration. Just as he was about to groan, a cool hand passed over his, the stray droplets of water touched his hands, a gentle hand rubbing against his back, another coming to hold up his waist, his body no longer feeling as weak, the black tresses coming into view, sighing in appreciating as he allowed Yesung to hold his body upwards, lending his support, those small hands of his dongsaeng holding him in place. He wished he could portray a better image for him, he really did. He didn’t want anyone to see him like that. That was why he went drinking by himself. He had hoped to make it to his room unnoticed but the tiredness and the emotional fatigue had caught up with him before he could, passing out on the couch for a bit, before he finally pulled himself up, but by then Heechul was there and then he called Yesung and now Leeteuk felt even more miserable. He supposed it would have been okay if it was just Heechul, but Yesung was a dongsaeng, a real dongsaeng and he despised himself for being weak in front of him. He didn’t have the opportunity to let the self loathing take effect, Yesung cooing comforting words in his ear, his hands not leaving his back. Leeteuk stayed like that for a while, Yesung holding him up as he emptied his stomach completely, sighing in some relieve as he felt the nausea subsiding, the weakness in his feet not going away. He stuck his hands under the water, drawing a handful to his mouth, rinsing it thoroughly, trying to get the bitter aftertaste to go away, Yesung looking at him with sympathetic eyes.
“Shower and change” Heechul’s voice broke the air, the ten day younger man looking annoyed as hell, eyes tainted with something that Leeteuk couldn’t read, standing in the doorway, holding a towel. Yesung looked as if he would say something, more than likely contradictory, but was impeded when Heechul glared at him, a rare occurrence, Yesung nodding his head. He took the towel from Heechul, who looked at the both seriously, eyes lingering on Leeteuk longer than it should have, the eldest man feeling small and childlike, embarrassed. He wanted to look away, feeling too ashamed to face Heechul, but before he could complete the action however, Heechul turned on his heel and left the room, Yesung smiling at him apologetically as he helped him out of his tee-shirt, a clear indication that he was all for following Heechul’s directive, Leeteuk feeling petulant and foolish, but doing as he told, pulling off his clothes. He steadied himself once more, heading for the shower, Yesung walking behind him, a hand on his back in case he needed him, ever the thoughtful dongsaeng…well…atleast thoughtful in things like that, otherwise he was beyond oblivious and that was annoying. Leeteuk smiled at him when he hopped into the shower, Yesung returning the gesture, turning when Leeteuk closed the sliding door, Yesung waiting a couple seconds to see if he needed anything else. When he was sure that Leeteuk was alright he made his exit.
He left with the sound of running water and a tired sigh in air, his own mind running a mile a minute, trying to figure out what was wrong with his hyung and worse yet, trying to find a way to keep Heechul calm. He knew his other hyung was worried about their leader but in true Heechul fashion it just came out as annoyance and frustration. Somehow or the other he would have to find a way to keep Heechul even and not let him express his concern in the way he usually did. With a sigh he continued to look for Heechul. He oddly enough found him in the kitchen, his last location in mind, having spent the previous three minutes searching every other room including Donghae’s. What he saw surprised him yet it didn’t. Heechul was standing over a pot stirring hot chocolate…not the instant type but the one you had to make. Heechul was not the best in the kitchen, but he was willing to go beyond his ability sometimes, seemingly this was one of those occasions, Yesung watching as Heechul stirred with dedication, smiling at the pot after a while, turning to grab three mugs. He glanced at Yesung and nodded, responding to the silent question. He knew and he was sorry, he would try and stay calm, pouring the delightfully dark liquid into three mugs, indicating that the evening was not over for any of them.
“Go get him into his bed. I will be right there” Heechul instructed as he turned to rummage through the cabinets to find those overly cutesy marshmallows that Leeteuk liked, dismissing Yesung to his task. Yesung nodded his reply leaving Heechul to his task. What was he even looking for? Yesung didn’t know but he would follow his orders, leaving his hyung’s presence and returning to the washroom where he last left Leeteuk. As he approached he no longer heard water, fastening his steps afraid that the sickness had returned, pushing open the door, to see the place deserted, the yellow towel hanging on the rack to be dried, sighing in relief.
He left the bathroom then, taking his time as he approached Leeteuk’s bedroom, pushing open the door further to find his hyung pulling on his clothes, his sweat pants already in place, the tee-shirt pulling over his now dark wet hair, looking tired and weary but atleast he was standing mainly upright, turning to smile at Yesung with that patented dimpled smile, pulling his tee-shirt over his head over his toned body. With a shake of the head he turned away, finding a place on his bed, sitting on the edge of the white covered mattress, reaching for the duck plushie that Donghae got him so many years ago that he can’t remember if it was a joke or a real gift, holding it in his arms and trying not to think of Donghae’s smiling face or if were to be honest, trying not to wonder how much tears his precious baby would release when that time came. He felt the lump forming in his throat, his eyes burning, his heart drowning in its own sorrow, still torturing itself by flashing back to the days he would sit on the couch with Donghae’s head on his lap watching random televisions shows , listening to Hae complain about everything and everyone, ending each story with a cute ‘right Hyung-‘ . Thoughts like those where oppressive then, not giving him the joy that they originally did, instead planting a sadness in the pits of his stomach that even drowning himself with soju couldn’t wash away. He held on to his precious plushie and willed the sadness away, or atleast praying that he could swallow the tears prickling at his eyelids.
He didn’t react when Yesung slid into the spot beside him, simply keeping his eyes downwards, more so after he felt Yesung's small hand and arm wrap around his shoulder’s, his dongsaeng wordlessly offering comfort to him, accepting it in the same silence, resting his head once more against the small shoulder, proud that he had willed the tears away, just sitting in the comfortable silence, his thoughts torturing him in sweet joy, flashing before his eyes, all the days he would miss. It showed no kindness, once more returning to show him images of a happy Donghae clinging to him as he jumped about or a scared Ryeowook holding on to him on those tired days, then it was Sungmin sleeping him in arms after a tiring day backstage after some rehearsal or the other or maybe it was scolding Kyuhyun for playing too much and watching the defiance in his eyes give way to understanding, his youngest accepting his care. Sometimes his mind showed him a worried Siwon frantically begging him to assure him that he was liked, remembering trying to swallow his giggles as not to upset the childish man any further, or maybe it was sitting across from Eunhyuk as he ate more than someone his size ever should consume and feeling happy that his dongsaeng was happy or maybe it was those dark days when he and Heechul sat quietly trying to figure out how they would get Super Junior out of those scary moments, how they would pull their precious band out from thin ice. Other times it was standing in the gym with Shindong, trying to encourage him with all his heart, looking at his younger brother’s accomplished face, holding his hands, or it could be coaxing Kangin to join the others, the now nervous man holding on his hand like it was a life rod and then sometimes it was Yesung, looking at him with those sharp eyes, bending into a warm smile as he nagged him or just sat and listened to his stories. His mind didn’t know what empathy was apparently. He chuckled bitterly, a dry humourless sound escaping his lips, his heart feeling heavier than it should have in that moment .He wanted it to go away, wishing that his mind would give him peace, though so far it seemed extremely unlikely. He was tired he decided, leaning more onto Yesung.
“Here drink this” Leeteuk was pulled out of his thoughts with a cup being thrust into his face, the fingers long and delicate, wrapped around the character mug that Donghae had instead that he must have, apparently “Hyung..it’s so cute!”, was a good enough reason to have some monkey shaped mug hanging around. Leeteuk extended his hand without a question, aware that he really didn’t have a choice, not really lifting his head, just wrapping his hand around the cup, the warmth sweeping through him quickly, finding the strength to stretch the other hand out, wrapping both hands around the cup, positive that he would hate the world if the drink strained his white sheets on an accidental spill. Heechul was careful thankfully, only releasing the cup when Leeteuk had both hands on the weird shaped mug. Leeteuk bent his head to sniff at the dark liquid, afraid that Heechul was going to torture him for annoying him by making him drink the herbal medicines that they had in the last cupboard, vaguely hearing Heechul offer the same thing to Yesung. He smiled happily, his trademark dimple peeking out, when his nostrils inhaled the rich chocolate aroma, grinning when he realized it was not the instant type they had on the top self.
“Hot chocolate” Leeteuk sang happily, back to inhaling the dark brew, feeling a little sad that there were no marshmallows. He and Donghae always liked to drink it with marshmallows, but he was still grateful that he had the drink in front of him, blowing into the liquid to cool it, nose close to the cup as he continued to inhale the sweetness.
“Yes hot chocolate, since someone is still too childish to drink coffee” Heechul stated, though Leeteuk knew he was just teasing no matter how strong his voice seemed, Yesung thinking along the same lines as Leeteuk ,chuckling at the exchange, removing his hands to hold on the more normal looking cup, also smiling in appreciation, though still had to comment that he would have preferred coffee, Heechul surprisingly just chuckling, patting his head with a dismissive ‘you would’. Leeteuk wasn’t paying much attention to the two, instead focusing on sipping the rich liquid. His stomach churned after the first sip, despite how wonderful it tasted on his tongue, washing way the bitterness that refused to leave his mouth no matter how he gargled before. The first sip made his stomach protest, unwilling to accept the comfort. He powered through however, unwilling to let Heechul’s effort go to waste, taking a large gulp of the sweet drink, swallowing through the bitterness, his stomach seemingly appreciating his determination, settling to accept the rich drink. It was still somewhat queasy but the urge to pour itself through his mouth and nose had subsided significantly, feeling a lot more balanced, even if his head was pounding.
He took a couple more sips, relishing the warmth, listening to Heechul and Yesung chatter, mainly banter about the virtues of coffee and Leeteuk’s inability to grow up. His head was hurting a bit so he let them be. Before he could really settle into it however, an aspirin appeared before his eyes, small fingers holding on to the pill. Leeteuk looked at his dongsaeng, the younger man nodding at the pill, taking the chocolate away from him to replace it with a glass of water. Leeteuk made no objection, taking the pill with water provided. Before he could ask the chocolate was returned to him, Yesung telling him to drink up. By the time he was nearly finished, Heechul and Yesung were about there as well, both cups placed on his side cabinet, Yesung reaching for his as well, sliding it out of his hands to be placed on the dresser. Leeteuk looked at them both, wondering if that would be it. His question was soon answered however, when Heechul left his standing position and sat next to him, nudging him with his shoulder. Leeteuk held his ground, mainly because he was unsure as to what exactly was expected of him. Heechul rolled his eyes once more before he meanly pushed him to his side, indicating that he wished to sit. Leeteuk grumbled, his head not liking the movement one bit. Heechul did not seem perturbed, not even by Yesung's reprimand, pulling himself onto the bed; Leeteuk forced to reposition himself, pulling his body up until his back hit the headboard, Heechul coming to sit beside him. Yesung grumbled as he was displaced as well, but chose to sit at the side of the bed, next to Heechul, his back hitting his hyung’s legs. Leeteuk looked around and cleared his throat, the new positions decidedly not in his favour. He was too far from Yesung and much too close to Heechul, who was ready looking at him with those damning eyes. He was in for it. There was no escape now.
Part 2
He had been sitting in his room trying to ignore a whining Kyuhyun when the call came. Heechul it seems required his presence on the higher dorm. His hyung’s voice was light, but he could tell that he was not being as open as he should have been. Heechul told him to take his time however, informing that he just wanted him to come up for a bit when he could before quite sneakily suggesting that it was okay if he and Kyuhyun were busy…that he should atleast finish…laughed scandalously and then hung up on him mid denial. He was very much clothed and intended to stay that way for quite a while if he had it his way. That was so far out of possibility, yet Heechul always made it his business to allude to things like that, no matter how much Yesung told him that they were not currently in such a position in their relationship. Heechul never listened to him and apparently he couldn’t ever stop blushing like a fool. Heechul left him sputtering like an idiot, making frantic denials, whilst Kyuhyun laughed his head off next to him.
The younger man was never any assistance and in fact he was even a problem. Whilst he was trying to make his denials, Kyuhyun was insinuating that if Heechul knew what they were doing, then he shouldn’t have been disturbing them. Yesung was then left to defend himself from Heechul’s accusatory teasing, whilst at the same time smack Kyuhyun to kingdom come, positive that Heechul heard him, confirmed when Heechul commented that Kyuhyun seemed quite eager, then laughed even more. Yesung was positive that he wanted to kill them both. He didn’t know if to stay and kill Kyuhyun, who was being an absolute pain or to go to the upper dorm and scream at Heechul for saying things that he knew would make him swallow his tongue. In the end he decided that he just needed to clear his head and let his cheeks return to some natural shade, banishing Kyuhyun to his own room as a form of punishment. As usual however, the younger refused to listen to him, instead trying a stupid aeygo act that he fell for hook,line and sinker. He was so mad, especially when he saw the smirk the younger couldn’t conceal. In the end Kyuhyun was left to play his video games on Yesung’s bed, whilst Yesung visited Heechul, Kyuhyun choosing not to admit that he wanted to tag along. It was probably for the best now that Yesung thought about it. Kyuhyun would just be a nuisance, especially if it involved Heechul.
By the time he was at the door, he was actually rather curious as to why he was called to the higher dorm. Heechul seemed weird on the phone despite his teasing. He wondered if something had occurred. As far as he knew everything was fine, but it was odd for him to actually be called to the higher dorms. Whatever it was, he hoped that everything was alright. With a firm hand he punched in the security codes, the door opening with a light touch of his hand, sliding off his slippers, leaving it at the foot of the entrance, not bothering to store it away, positive that he probably wouldn’t be there that long anyway. With easy steps he moved past the foyer, into the hallway, calling out a greeting, which remained unanswered until he talked into the living room, instantly spotting a slumped Leeteuk, sprawled haphazardly on the couch, with Heechul sitting on the coffee table, hands clasp as he spoke to a clearly not all there Leeteuk, though as far as he could tell Heechul looked quite calm. Yesung was concerned instantly, quickening his steps to get to his hyung and leader.
“What’s wrong with Teukie hyung Heebongie? Hyung…are you okay? Leeteuk hyung?” Yesung questioned in a rush by passing Heechul and heading for the couch, sliding in next to Leeteuk, who lifted his head to smile at him, the smell of soju assaulting his nose instantly, strong and pungent, Leeteuk’s cheeks red and flustered, slightly disoriented, though Yesung didn’t think he was drunk exactly, more than likely just tipsy, the older man shifting into a more upright position, pulling his body upwards to rest against the back of the couch, Heechul simply looking on, Yesung extending a hand to help him get into place, Leeteuk smiling at him, his eyes slightly unfocused but clear enough to be aware of his environment, Yesung tugging on his arm, holding on to him, looking more troubled than anyone else in the room. It was the middle of the week. He couldn’t figure out why Leeteuk would go out drinking, especially since he was not very good at it and it made him sick. He looked at the older man with worry, then turned to Heechul.
“Why did you let him drink?” Yesung questioned Heechul with reprimand tainting his voice, his eyes narrowing into accusatory glints, face forming a frown as he looked between his two hyungs. He could see no reason for Leeteuk to go out drinking and he could see even less for Heechul to let it happen. Heechul whether he accepted it or not had a responsibility to take care of Leeteuk. Yesung was slightly disappointed in his hyung. Even if he was busy, he could have atleast prevented Leeteuk from doing something that would hurt him later. Yesung dread the thought of watching over Leeteuk as he emptied his stomach through the night. Atleast Leeteuk didn’t seem to be wasted entirely, yet the outcome would still be against him, Yesung practically glaring at Heechul, as he rubbed a hand on Leeteuk’s forearm.
“Yah Rabid Dog, don’t look at me like that. I found him like that” Heechul defended sincerely, not liking the look in his dongsaengs eyes. He didn’t like the thought that Yesung believed that he would be so selfish as to allow their leader to hurt himself. He knew he had a personality that was temperamental at best and was sometimes ashamed to admit that he was quite selfish as a person, but he always looked after his bandmates, especially Leeteuk. The older man was his only hyung. It was a small ten day difference, but Leeteuk never allowed him to be anything but a dongsaeng that he had to protect. It grated on Heechul’s nerves to be honest. It was ten freaking days, for God’s sake, but Leeteuk still saw him as someone he had to protect. It annoyed him to no end, but with time he had come to respect it as Leeteuk’s way of caring for him. At the heart of it all, he still wanted to take care of him, just as he took care of the others. If nothing else he could appreciate the sentiment, even if he never could acknowledge it verbally. It was rather annoying and maybe if he was willing to admit it, slightly painful that Yesung could think that he would allow someone like Leeteuk to hurt himself. It was a dull ache in his chest at the thought. Yesung was one of the few that always understood him. If Yesung couldn’t see that he would never do something like that, then he was really worried.
“Sorry Heechullie hyung” Yesung apologized with a cute smile, feeling bad for his comment. Honestly he had no real malice behind it. He was just a little mad that Heechul allowed Leeteuk to drink and didn’t think how his accusation would affect Heechul. He felt apologetic for reacting in anger. He knew that Heechul, despite his sometimes uncaring attitude would never let anything happen to Leeteuk in his presence. It was not as if Leeteuk was hurt anyway. The older man was just slightly drunk. Yesung was sorry for his stomach and his sleep, but he would be alright. He would have to deal with a nasty hang over the day after but he should survive, once his schedules didn’t kill him first. It was not fair to blame it on Heechul. He should have considered the other man’s feelings, smiling in apology; Heechul nodding at him before looking away, a small smile on his face, Yesung tempted to say something further to him, but was distracted by a tug on his thigh.
“I am alright Yesung ah. It’s not his fault” Leeteuk explained with a lopsided smile, his breathe heavy with the odour of his drink, pulling himself closer to Yesung, a hand resting on the younger man’s thigh as he tried to explain that he was alright, the concern in his dongsaeng’s voice clear. He didn’t want to upset anyone. He didn’t even want anyone to see him like that. When he returned to the dorm, he had hoped to sneak quietly into his room, but felt sort of wobbly and ended up sitting on the couch. He was tired and was just feeling sort of weak so sat for much longer than he expected, Heechul having returned by that time, the younger man just observing him. He didn’t realize that Yesung was there until he felt him tugging at him. He was alright really. He didn’t want Yesung to be upset or for him to blame Heechul. He was just hoping to reassure him.
“Are you sure you are okay? Why did you go drinking?” Yesung inquired with seriousness, his eyes looking at Leeteuk with concern, his eyebrows furrowed to show his displeasure, though Leeteuk was sure that he didn’t intend for it to be that way, lips drawn into a thin line, the disappointment and worry pouring out of him in waves, Leeteuk closing his eyes, not wanting to see the worry that was surrounding him. He really was alright. He had a lot on his mind and he just wanted to get a bit of clarity. Admittedly drinking might not have been the best idea, judging by the headache that was tugging at the base of his skull, surely to get worst in the coming hours. He really should have left the drinking to people like Heechul and Kyuhyun.
“Yesungie I’m okay. I really am. I just had a lot on my mind, that’s all.” Leeteuk assured, leaning down to rest his head on his loyal dongsaeng’s shoulder, shifting his body comfortably, eyes closed as he got comfortable. So, that was why Kyuhyun liked doing that, he realized. Yesung's shoulders were small and sometimes even looked frail, but they were most definitely strong and even more comfortable. A soft sort of warmth radiating from his skin. Leeteuk liked it quite a lot actually, shifting his body to lean against Yesung, who shifted as well to allow him the opportunity to be comfortable, Leeteuk reaching over to take one of his hands into his own hand, the warmth spreading through him. It was comfortable and he liked it, especially when the younger man reached upwards to stroke his hair with his free hands, Heechul snorting then from his position on the coffee table.
“Well spit it out. You still haven’t told us why you were drinking” Heechul demanded, not having the patience to baby the oldest man like Yesung seemed to have. Yesung was always much too gentle when dealing with the others Heechul thought. He left him to it as Yesung was also very gentle with Leeteuk, but the younger didn’t seem to understand that sometimes a firm hand was required. Leeteuk was sobering up slowly but there must have been a reason he walked in and saw him sniffling, though he immediately tried to conceal it. That was why he called Yesung. He didn’t think he had the right temperament to deal with Leeteuk then, the older man more than likely requiring a gentle touch. He didn’t want Donghae and the younger ones to see Leeteuk looking so depressed so sent for Yesung , who would more than likely be able to assist in that light. He and Leeteuk were close and had a good relationship. It also helped that Yesung had practice babying his band members, so it would be easier if he could take of that for him.
“There is nothing to tell Chullie ah. I just wanted to do something different” Leeteuk explained, only opening his eyes to look at Heechul briefly, not liking the disbelief he saw mirrored back at him, swiftly closing his eyes as a defence mechanism. If he couldn’t see Heechul he could convince himself that Heechul would believe him and then he wouldn’t have to talk about any of it. It was flawed logic obviously, but in his current mental haziness and decidedly less than alert state, he really couldn’t expect much else now could he? He was quite satisfied with his decision, a lopsided grin forming on his face as he made himself more comfortable against Yesung's warm muscular shoulder. He was light or maybe that was the headiness of the alcohol, he wasn’t sure. He was positive however that the bitterness in his throat was not something positive, confirmed when his throat lurched a bit, the bitter bile rising to his mouth, bolting out of his position next to Yesung, trying his hardest to steady his feet, the inertia making it quite difficult, the pounding in his heart strong. Seriously why him? It was just a couple glasses…just a couple? …well maybe more than a couple and that was a few hours ago. Why was his hang out coming on so early?.....try missing more meals…..Fine! He was an idiot! ....but that made his mind a sadistic bastard...so ha! Did it really have to criticize him when he was not only forcing bile down his throat but in the middle of an emotional crisis? His mind really had no sense, which then meant that he had no sense…well that was depressing. Why was he thinking about this again?
He bolted up from the couch startling Yesung, who was holding on to him tenderly, steadying himself on his feet, pushing past Heechul, who was looked ready to yell at him, flying or he hoped he was, to the bathroom at the end of the hallway, feeling rather accomplished that he managed to keep the bitterness confined to his mouth and not spread all over their wooden floors. He was sure Ryeowook would have just liked that! Just thinking about Ryeowook made the bitterness bubble, this time the emotion in his heart burning a lot more than the acidic component of the release held in his throat. He was grateful when the door swung open without much fuss, briefly wondering if he would even make it to the toilet, having no choice but to settle for the sink, bending over the basin just as the bitterness became too much for him, bending his head as he emptied the contents of his stomach, which really only consisted of some of the soju he had drank and bitter acid, maybe the remains of a granola bar he had sometime during the day, he wasn’t sure. He only knew that he felt miserable and his legs were giving out on him pretty soon. His head was spinning and the room was looking really weird. He continued to regurgitate acid and bitterness, reaching a hand out to open the faucet, trying to get of the awful smell away.
He reached blindly for the silver implement but couldn’t seem to find it, feeling frustration. Just as he was about to groan, a cool hand passed over his, the stray droplets of water touched his hands, a gentle hand rubbing against his back, another coming to hold up his waist, his body no longer feeling as weak, the black tresses coming into view, sighing in appreciating as he allowed Yesung to hold his body upwards, lending his support, those small hands of his dongsaeng holding him in place. He wished he could portray a better image for him, he really did. He didn’t want anyone to see him like that. That was why he went drinking by himself. He had hoped to make it to his room unnoticed but the tiredness and the emotional fatigue had caught up with him before he could, passing out on the couch for a bit, before he finally pulled himself up, but by then Heechul was there and then he called Yesung and now Leeteuk felt even more miserable. He supposed it would have been okay if it was just Heechul, but Yesung was a dongsaeng, a real dongsaeng and he despised himself for being weak in front of him. He didn’t have the opportunity to let the self loathing take effect, Yesung cooing comforting words in his ear, his hands not leaving his back. Leeteuk stayed like that for a while, Yesung holding him up as he emptied his stomach completely, sighing in some relieve as he felt the nausea subsiding, the weakness in his feet not going away. He stuck his hands under the water, drawing a handful to his mouth, rinsing it thoroughly, trying to get the bitter aftertaste to go away, Yesung looking at him with sympathetic eyes.
“Shower and change” Heechul’s voice broke the air, the ten day younger man looking annoyed as hell, eyes tainted with something that Leeteuk couldn’t read, standing in the doorway, holding a towel. Yesung looked as if he would say something, more than likely contradictory, but was impeded when Heechul glared at him, a rare occurrence, Yesung nodding his head. He took the towel from Heechul, who looked at the both seriously, eyes lingering on Leeteuk longer than it should have, the eldest man feeling small and childlike, embarrassed. He wanted to look away, feeling too ashamed to face Heechul, but before he could complete the action however, Heechul turned on his heel and left the room, Yesung smiling at him apologetically as he helped him out of his tee-shirt, a clear indication that he was all for following Heechul’s directive, Leeteuk feeling petulant and foolish, but doing as he told, pulling off his clothes. He steadied himself once more, heading for the shower, Yesung walking behind him, a hand on his back in case he needed him, ever the thoughtful dongsaeng…well…atleast thoughtful in things like that, otherwise he was beyond oblivious and that was annoying. Leeteuk smiled at him when he hopped into the shower, Yesung returning the gesture, turning when Leeteuk closed the sliding door, Yesung waiting a couple seconds to see if he needed anything else. When he was sure that Leeteuk was alright he made his exit.
He left with the sound of running water and a tired sigh in air, his own mind running a mile a minute, trying to figure out what was wrong with his hyung and worse yet, trying to find a way to keep Heechul calm. He knew his other hyung was worried about their leader but in true Heechul fashion it just came out as annoyance and frustration. Somehow or the other he would have to find a way to keep Heechul even and not let him express his concern in the way he usually did. With a sigh he continued to look for Heechul. He oddly enough found him in the kitchen, his last location in mind, having spent the previous three minutes searching every other room including Donghae’s. What he saw surprised him yet it didn’t. Heechul was standing over a pot stirring hot chocolate…not the instant type but the one you had to make. Heechul was not the best in the kitchen, but he was willing to go beyond his ability sometimes, seemingly this was one of those occasions, Yesung watching as Heechul stirred with dedication, smiling at the pot after a while, turning to grab three mugs. He glanced at Yesung and nodded, responding to the silent question. He knew and he was sorry, he would try and stay calm, pouring the delightfully dark liquid into three mugs, indicating that the evening was not over for any of them.
“Go get him into his bed. I will be right there” Heechul instructed as he turned to rummage through the cabinets to find those overly cutesy marshmallows that Leeteuk liked, dismissing Yesung to his task. Yesung nodded his reply leaving Heechul to his task. What was he even looking for? Yesung didn’t know but he would follow his orders, leaving his hyung’s presence and returning to the washroom where he last left Leeteuk. As he approached he no longer heard water, fastening his steps afraid that the sickness had returned, pushing open the door, to see the place deserted, the yellow towel hanging on the rack to be dried, sighing in relief.
He left the bathroom then, taking his time as he approached Leeteuk’s bedroom, pushing open the door further to find his hyung pulling on his clothes, his sweat pants already in place, the tee-shirt pulling over his now dark wet hair, looking tired and weary but atleast he was standing mainly upright, turning to smile at Yesung with that patented dimpled smile, pulling his tee-shirt over his head over his toned body. With a shake of the head he turned away, finding a place on his bed, sitting on the edge of the white covered mattress, reaching for the duck plushie that Donghae got him so many years ago that he can’t remember if it was a joke or a real gift, holding it in his arms and trying not to think of Donghae’s smiling face or if were to be honest, trying not to wonder how much tears his precious baby would release when that time came. He felt the lump forming in his throat, his eyes burning, his heart drowning in its own sorrow, still torturing itself by flashing back to the days he would sit on the couch with Donghae’s head on his lap watching random televisions shows , listening to Hae complain about everything and everyone, ending each story with a cute ‘right Hyung-‘ . Thoughts like those where oppressive then, not giving him the joy that they originally did, instead planting a sadness in the pits of his stomach that even drowning himself with soju couldn’t wash away. He held on to his precious plushie and willed the sadness away, or atleast praying that he could swallow the tears prickling at his eyelids.
He didn’t react when Yesung slid into the spot beside him, simply keeping his eyes downwards, more so after he felt Yesung's small hand and arm wrap around his shoulder’s, his dongsaeng wordlessly offering comfort to him, accepting it in the same silence, resting his head once more against the small shoulder, proud that he had willed the tears away, just sitting in the comfortable silence, his thoughts torturing him in sweet joy, flashing before his eyes, all the days he would miss. It showed no kindness, once more returning to show him images of a happy Donghae clinging to him as he jumped about or a scared Ryeowook holding on to him on those tired days, then it was Sungmin sleeping him in arms after a tiring day backstage after some rehearsal or the other or maybe it was scolding Kyuhyun for playing too much and watching the defiance in his eyes give way to understanding, his youngest accepting his care. Sometimes his mind showed him a worried Siwon frantically begging him to assure him that he was liked, remembering trying to swallow his giggles as not to upset the childish man any further, or maybe it was sitting across from Eunhyuk as he ate more than someone his size ever should consume and feeling happy that his dongsaeng was happy or maybe it was those dark days when he and Heechul sat quietly trying to figure out how they would get Super Junior out of those scary moments, how they would pull their precious band out from thin ice. Other times it was standing in the gym with Shindong, trying to encourage him with all his heart, looking at his younger brother’s accomplished face, holding his hands, or it could be coaxing Kangin to join the others, the now nervous man holding on his hand like it was a life rod and then sometimes it was Yesung, looking at him with those sharp eyes, bending into a warm smile as he nagged him or just sat and listened to his stories. His mind didn’t know what empathy was apparently. He chuckled bitterly, a dry humourless sound escaping his lips, his heart feeling heavier than it should have in that moment .He wanted it to go away, wishing that his mind would give him peace, though so far it seemed extremely unlikely. He was tired he decided, leaning more onto Yesung.
“Here drink this” Leeteuk was pulled out of his thoughts with a cup being thrust into his face, the fingers long and delicate, wrapped around the character mug that Donghae had instead that he must have, apparently “Hyung..it’s so cute!”, was a good enough reason to have some monkey shaped mug hanging around. Leeteuk extended his hand without a question, aware that he really didn’t have a choice, not really lifting his head, just wrapping his hand around the cup, the warmth sweeping through him quickly, finding the strength to stretch the other hand out, wrapping both hands around the cup, positive that he would hate the world if the drink strained his white sheets on an accidental spill. Heechul was careful thankfully, only releasing the cup when Leeteuk had both hands on the weird shaped mug. Leeteuk bent his head to sniff at the dark liquid, afraid that Heechul was going to torture him for annoying him by making him drink the herbal medicines that they had in the last cupboard, vaguely hearing Heechul offer the same thing to Yesung. He smiled happily, his trademark dimple peeking out, when his nostrils inhaled the rich chocolate aroma, grinning when he realized it was not the instant type they had on the top self.
“Hot chocolate” Leeteuk sang happily, back to inhaling the dark brew, feeling a little sad that there were no marshmallows. He and Donghae always liked to drink it with marshmallows, but he was still grateful that he had the drink in front of him, blowing into the liquid to cool it, nose close to the cup as he continued to inhale the sweetness.
“Yes hot chocolate, since someone is still too childish to drink coffee” Heechul stated, though Leeteuk knew he was just teasing no matter how strong his voice seemed, Yesung thinking along the same lines as Leeteuk ,chuckling at the exchange, removing his hands to hold on the more normal looking cup, also smiling in appreciation, though still had to comment that he would have preferred coffee, Heechul surprisingly just chuckling, patting his head with a dismissive ‘you would’. Leeteuk wasn’t paying much attention to the two, instead focusing on sipping the rich liquid. His stomach churned after the first sip, despite how wonderful it tasted on his tongue, washing way the bitterness that refused to leave his mouth no matter how he gargled before. The first sip made his stomach protest, unwilling to accept the comfort. He powered through however, unwilling to let Heechul’s effort go to waste, taking a large gulp of the sweet drink, swallowing through the bitterness, his stomach seemingly appreciating his determination, settling to accept the rich drink. It was still somewhat queasy but the urge to pour itself through his mouth and nose had subsided significantly, feeling a lot more balanced, even if his head was pounding.
He took a couple more sips, relishing the warmth, listening to Heechul and Yesung chatter, mainly banter about the virtues of coffee and Leeteuk’s inability to grow up. His head was hurting a bit so he let them be. Before he could really settle into it however, an aspirin appeared before his eyes, small fingers holding on to the pill. Leeteuk looked at his dongsaeng, the younger man nodding at the pill, taking the chocolate away from him to replace it with a glass of water. Leeteuk made no objection, taking the pill with water provided. Before he could ask the chocolate was returned to him, Yesung telling him to drink up. By the time he was nearly finished, Heechul and Yesung were about there as well, both cups placed on his side cabinet, Yesung reaching for his as well, sliding it out of his hands to be placed on the dresser. Leeteuk looked at them both, wondering if that would be it. His question was soon answered however, when Heechul left his standing position and sat next to him, nudging him with his shoulder. Leeteuk held his ground, mainly because he was unsure as to what exactly was expected of him. Heechul rolled his eyes once more before he meanly pushed him to his side, indicating that he wished to sit. Leeteuk grumbled, his head not liking the movement one bit. Heechul did not seem perturbed, not even by Yesung's reprimand, pulling himself onto the bed; Leeteuk forced to reposition himself, pulling his body up until his back hit the headboard, Heechul coming to sit beside him. Yesung grumbled as he was displaced as well, but chose to sit at the side of the bed, next to Heechul, his back hitting his hyung’s legs. Leeteuk looked around and cleared his throat, the new positions decidedly not in his favour. He was too far from Yesung and much too close to Heechul, who was ready looking at him with those damning eyes. He was in for it. There was no escape now.
Part 2