Promise Part 2

[amiciperpetuum]

Now talk…..and don’t even think about changing the topic” Heechul commanded, looking at him with strong eyes, though he wore soft features, perhaps trying to make his phrasing less rough than it was, body relaxing against the head board, seemingly ready to listen to Leeteuk. He glanced at Yesung, hoping for some support, but Yesung just made himself comfortable as well, turning to face them both, nodding his head to indicate that he was with Heechul on that one and as such expected Leeteuk to answer the question, or deal with Heechul on his own. He tried to pull Yesung into his favour, batting his eyes at his dongsaeng who had a fair control over Heechul, his ten day dongsaeng having a bit of a soft spot for his AB Brother. Leeteuk was hoping that Yesung would use some of that charming Heechul skill to help him out, feeling much too tired and emotional to go into that discussion, but Yesung seemed unwilling to assist, instead turning to face them both completely, sharp eyes looking at Leeteuk, indicating that he was in full support of Heechul’s demands. Leeteuk sighed.

“It’s nothing really. I guess I am just worried and maybe…..maybe a little sad” Leeteuk breathed, his words slow and hesitant, and not the result of his previous alcohol haze, the buzz having worn off for the most part a while ago, only leaving his troubles and a bit of a hangout in its trail. Why did he think that drinking was a good idea again? He was annoyed at himself, but more so because now he had to talk about these things. If he had just made it to his room, he would have been saved. There would be no way Heechul would let him go after seeing him like that. He had hoped to keep his concerns to him, unwilling to worry them with what were essentially his burdens. He had the responsibility to handle those things. He had to be strong for them all, even Heechul. If he let them know that things that plagued his heart, it would also be the things that worried his dongsaengs as well. He had to let it go, but at the same time, despite his strong thoughts and considerations, he was desperate for some assurance, desperate to know that someone would be willing to help him, that he could rely on someone to take care of the things that he couldn’t do anymore.

Those were the conflicting thoughts that led him to that bar in the first place. It was not right for him to place his stress on anyone else, but he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving them behind without someone to take care of them all. Who would listen to Donghae’s stories, or appease Siwon or help Shindong with his diet or keep Kyuhyun from wreaking havoc or help Kangin ease back into the band and always take care of Ryeowook’s feelings? He was weary of the army, but what scared him the most was leaving his dongsaengs behind.  It was that very thought that robbed him of sleep and made every thought about the army seem like a trip to hell. He had his concerns about the army as to be expected, weary that it would hard on him, that his body would be hurt or his safety jeopardized. Something like that was normal he was told. Everyone would wonder about things like that. It was not a detriment to him however. He was willing to serve his country and fulfil his duty as a respectful man of the Korean state. He would do it and do it with pride.

His concerns or rather the thoughts that crippled his mind were more centralized. He feared…yes feared, the position of Super Junior after his departure. He worked…no! They worked too hard to reach that mountain peak for it to all slide away in his absence. He tried to comfort himself with the thought that his dongsaengs and his ELFs loved Super Junior too much to let that happen, desperately wanting to believe it was true. He knew though, deep down that he could trust his dongsaengs, trust in their fans to protect what they had worked so hard to build over the many years. He supposed that it was just human nature to worry in absence. He would never stop worrying about that no matter what happened. He thinks he could live with that, live with wondering if thinks are alright, if they were selling well or having a fun concert series or winning awards. He was worried but in his heart he could find the confidence to trust his members and their fans to keep the promise alive and well, to continue to spread the sapphire sea. He would fret over it, but there was nothing he could do. Things like that were parts of life and he had to accept it.

What was lot harder to accept however, the fact that he would not be there for his dongsaengs was. That was the most painful thought of them all. He could leave the trails of success and failure unattended, or atleast he could survive the separation, he would live through the endless wondering, the hope that they would remain successful, that he would return to a band that once more held the Kpop industry in a strangle hold, to an ocean of sapphire blue. Those would be things that no matter what he did would occupy his mind. It was to be expected and he didn’t fight it. He knew that even if those hopes weren’t met he would be alright, that he would just pick himself up and carry on.

It was much different from the other thoughts that disturbed him however. If his dongsaengs were hurt in his absence, that was something that he wouldn’t be able to just pick himself up after, and it was most definitely not something that he could survive. Heechul would laugh at him no doubt, but they were like his children. He felt like he was abandoning his family and that ripped his insides apart. He just couldn’t leave them, could not bear to wonder if Donghae was sad or if Kyuhyun was sick or if antis were playing with Yesung's mind or if Eunhyuk was suffering on those varieties shows or if Kangin was feeling welcome and settling better within the group, if Sungmin was happy and not feeling left out, if Shindong was managing his schedules well, and not feel sick after. Things like that would suffocate him, especially if he didn’t have the answer. They were his to take care of for so long that he knows he would have to tear piece of his soul out of his body if he wanted to let it all go. It was too hard.  He felt the sadness settling in his chest and no matter what he did he couldn’t get rid of it. He would share that sadness, but was weary of pulling down anyone else with him. He was lost.

“Why are you worried? Everything will be alright” Heechul promised despite himself, trying to sound nonchalant. He didn’t need Leeteuk to spell it out for him to understand what Leeteuk was talking about. Really at that point, was anyone thinking about anything else? One way or the other it was the only thought that occupied everyone’s mind…well even if it was not everyone’s, he was positive it was the only thing he could think about for a while now. He had already experienced the trails of basic training and that shocking moment when he realize you are utterly alone, waiting for each letter as if it were a lifeline, having hours of biting cold against your back as your companion as all you thought about were the things you left behind. He was lucky though. He always knew that he only had to endure for a little while, then he would be back home, back with the people that he had missed more than he thought was possible. It was standing in that cold air, marching through a deserted forest with nothing to do but think that helped him realized just how precious everything he had was to him. He had learnt something valuable that day and for that he was grateful. He however didn’t want Leeteuk to experience something like that.

Whilst it took his departure for him to find appreciation or atleast be willing to admit to his appreciation, Leeteuk already had more love and appreciation for their brothers that he should. Whilst Heechul found enlightenment, the only thing Leeteuk would find would be sadness and for some reason that saddened Heechul more than it should. There was nothing he could do to save Leeteuk from that fate. He knew there was nothing that he could realistically to do but the words were spilling out his mouth before he knew it. He just had to do something to make him feel better. He didn’t like his sadness and he hated that there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Maybe it really would be alright in reality. Maybe Leeteuk would not let the sadness get to him, maybe he would he wouldn’t miss them that much. Who was he kidding? He knew better. Maybe Heechul just wanted it to be alright, not just for Leeteuk but he strongly suspected, for himself.

“Will it?” Leeteuk questioned with a wry smile. Heechul couldn’t know that, though he appreciated the sentiment. It was not in Heechul’s nature to give assurance when he knew otherwise, so he was grateful for his kindness in the matter. It won’t be alright, but maybe it would be tolerable? He had to have some hope to hold on to didn’t he?

“It will be Hyung. You have dealt with Heechul hyung and I for years. The Army would be a walk in the park for you” Yesung chirped from his position, a low chuckle escaping, though his eyes remained worried. He was trying desperately to lighten the mood then. He could feel the sadness dripping from Leeteuk’s voice, the worry etched on his handsome face, which naturally concerned him. He hoped Heechul’s words would help, but that seemed to make it worse, especially since Heechul couldn’t keep the worry from his face either, smiling that fake smile of his, that would be absolutely ineffective against people like Leeteuk, who always knew them best. He hated the mood that was descending upon them.

He knew that there was nothing they could say to make it easier for Leeteuk but he wished that they could help him. He had his own worries about the army and in a way knew exactly what Leeteuk felt. There would be no words that could take the uneasiness away from him; Yesung knew that, the fear of the unknown crippling. What he could do however was encourage Leeteuk. Maybe he was naïve or just childish, but he liked to think his hyung was strong enough to weather any storm. He had known the man for the better part of twelve years and had come to see him as someone infinitely powerful, even when he was helpless. He knew Leeteuk was not a super hero, that he was only human like the rest of them, but he was never able to see his hyung as anything less than invincible. When they were falling apart, burdened by the doubt and the uncertainty, plagued by endless criticism, the ridicule and hatred of others, he was the one that held eleven dongsaengs together with the strength of a demi god. It was hard to see him as anything but super human. His hyung was strong, much too strong to be hurt by the army. He was the fearless leader of Super Junior. He dealt with people like Heechul on a daily basis. There was nothing he couldn’t do. He refused to believe anything else.

“The army would definitely be easier” Leeteuk confirmed with a chuckle, not those dry humourless ones that have been his brand of choice recently, but instead a real honest to god chuckle, filled with mirth, dimple peeking out as his lips upturned, though not reaching that point of his embarrassing laughter. When Yesung put it that way the army really did seem to be a vacation. His dongsaengs were his pride and joy but they would definitely send him to an early grave. Yesung deciding he was in love with the maknae was a clear example of this. He had genuinely dealt with that much, he was starting to think the army would be a vacation…or it would have been if he could stop worrying about the younger ones or anyone for that matter. He still had crippling concerns when it came to Heechul and Yesung, both of whom were free spirited and as such required his constant supervision .Would they behave when he was away? Would Yesung be alright? Would he and Kyuhyun be protected in his absence? The mirth he felt was disappearing quite rapidly, to be once again replaced by his concern for the wellbeing of his dongsaengs.

“Then why are you worried hyung?” Yesung inquired in a small voice, the smile falling from his face rapidly, noting that the slight happiness that had overtaken Leeteuk after his little joke was swiftly disappearing and that bit of panic was settling in his heart. He didn’t think Leeteuk would be completely over the fears he had with regards to the army, positive that the nervousness would remain for a long time, but he thought Leeteuk seemed more settled. This was ruined however when he looked at his hyung slumping against the headboard, weak smile in place, mind far away .What was wrong? What could he do to make him feel better?

“It’s not the army he is worried about Rabid Dog….it’s us” Heechul breathed softly, voice filled with understanding, glancing to his side with knowing eyes, taking in the sight of the man only ten days older than himself, though Heechul always thought he looked older than he should. It was the worries Heechul reckoned, suddenly ashamed that he had made more than his fair share to those worries, feeling regretful for the youth that was lost, the mistakes he couldn’t erase. Leeteuk’s eyes were closed then, though Heechul knew he had heard them and probably felt their eyes on him if nothing else. He nudged him with his shoulder, watching as Yesung got closer, the younger man sitting right next to him then, reaching across his body to hold on to Leeteuk’s hand or at least try to, Leeteuk’s hand being too far away. Heechul looked at him with intensity, ready to rip his head off when he denied the statement. He was ready to deal with Leeteuk’s own ridiculous brand of protectionism, fully intending to pierce his ears with his endless complaining when Leeteuk pretended that he didn’t know what he was talking about. He was left agape and speechless however when Leeteuk fell against his shoulder, not behaving the way he expected at all.

“How can I not worry about you all?” Leeteuk asked with resignation, not even bothering to deny the accusation. He was set to insist that he was fine, but honestly, he was just tired….tired of everything. He didn’t have the strength to go through that much denial and was positive neither Yesung nor Heechul would believe a word of it. He wasn’t surprise that Heechul had happened upon hic concerns. Despite their differences, they always had good understanding of each other and had stood at the frontlines trying to shield everyone from everything. Heechul should understand his concerns. He had done it already, left everything behind, the only difference being that Heechul didn’t have the same responsibilities that he did. It didn’t make sense to pretend that he wasn’t worried, that it was not clawing at him insides. He didn’t want to make his burdens theirs, but maybe he just wanted someone to lean on…just this once. ….just this once maybe he wanted to be comforted.

“You don’t have to Hyung. We will be alright I am sure” Yesung spoke earnestly, smiling warmly at Leeteuk as he nodded his head, his eyes bright and innocent. He honestly believed that Leeteuk had nothing to worry about, or atleast nothing to worry about when it came to their members. Yeah…they were a little crazy, but no one would ever do anything that would jeopardize what they had all worked hard to achieve and there was no way he would let harm come to anyone of his dongsaengs, that was for sure. He was confident that they would be alright, or atleast alright in the matters that Leeteuk was referring to. He left sort of stupid for not realizing that was the major concern that worried his leader. He should have known better. Leeteuk was too courageous to fear the army, but at the same time he was too attached to not fear for their wellbeing. He could kick himself for not seeing that sooner. There would be nothing Leeteuk worried more about than he and his brothers. He wished with his whole heart that he could help with that burden. He was sure though that in true Leeteuk fashion, the older man would still worry endlessly no matter what he said, but if he could ease that burden just a little bit he would be thrilled.

“I know Yesungie, but I can’t help thinking about you all. Who will take care of Hae for me? Or who will make sure you guys don’t get in trouble? I can’t stop thinking about you all” Leeteuk confessed, deciding to finally share his concerns. Maybe it was the warmth from Heechul’s body or the firmness of his shoulder that never sank under his weight or maybe it was the earnest look in Yesung's eyes or the comfort of his small hand holding on to his, but somehow he felt comfortable, he felt protected enough to share his heart. The thoughts were whirling around his head like a tempest, the pounding in his head subsiding a little, which actually gave the thoughts more place to roam around. That was the purpose of the alcohol in the first place, to help keep the thoughts at bay. It didn’t work too well, only leaving him with more worries, concern dongsaengs and more than likely Heechul’s wrath at some point. It also helped however to lower his concentration and weaken his will. The warmth of the bed and the affection of the people around him were making it difficult to keep the walls at full strength, the softness of Yesung's voice luring him into a feeling of comfort, making him weak, the words spilling from his lips from the depths of his heart before he knew what was happening. Somehow he couldn’t seem to care very much, letting it all go.

“Well I am offended” Heechul commented with a lift of his voice, sticking long fingers out to dig into Leeteuk’s side, the older man jumping from the impact, his face pulling into a pout, eyes wide as his head bolted up to look at Heechul looking at him with annoyed eyes and a pull of his pretty face….well it was pretty …why deny it?...rolling his eyes as Leeteuk gapped at him, Yesung chuckling from beside them, using his small hands to pull Heechul’s hand away when it looked likely that he would repeat the action, Leeteuk lifting a hand to rub the side that was just violate, glaring at Heechul who refused to look chastised despite the  fact that he had just injured an ill depressed person, Yesung continuing to chuckle as he pulled Heechul’s long, now dangerous fingers away. Heechul glared at Leeteuk before he turned to tsk at Yesung for stopping him, the younger man’s crescent eyes however making him chuckle, just shaking his head at the turn of events. He had no regret for his actions however and was genuinely offended that Leeteuk could say something like that. Was he for a second doubting Heechul’s capability? He knew he did not possess the sort of maternal genes that Leeteuk often seemed to be drowning in, thank the universe for that, but that did not mean he should have been disregarded just like that. Did Leeteuk really think no one would be there to look after Donghae? That Heechul would not look after the resident baby? He could hit him again just for suggesting something like that. He was going to, but Yesung pulled at his hands, seemingly reading his mind.

“You looked for that Teukie hyung. How could you think we wouldn’t take care of Hae ah? Or everyone else for that matter?” Yesung questioned with a pull of his face, turning into a weak smile, eyes kind even if his words seemed accusatory. He was slightly hurt that Leeteuk could even think for a second that he would not be there to protect their dongsaengs, especially someone like Donghae, who he adorned. Donghae was his jjokeumani. He would always protect him, no matter what happened; only increasing in Leeteuk’s absence. He knew he would never replace Leeteuk in Hae’s heart but he didn’t want to try, he just wanted to protect him. Leeteuk thinking that he wouldn’t do those things was really vexing to himself and he was sure Heechul. He however chose not react like Heechul did.

In a weird way he understood Leeteuk. Just as Leeteuk had been thinking of the army, so was he. He knew what it felt like to know you had to leave something precious behind, to worry if they would be okay or if someone would take care of them. He was positive the others would spoil Kyuhyun rotten in his absence, but that nagging thought that he was the only one that could take care of him the right way refused to leave him. He supposed it was similar for Leeteuk. After being the guardian of Super Junior for so long, after treating Donghae as his own child for so many years, it would be nearly impossible to simply hand over that task to someone else. It would be like hand over piece of his soul. Yesung understood his heart, but at the same time he wanted him to know that he would be there to help him, that he didn’t have to worry too much. He would do whatever it took to take care of the others that he would be their strength or atleast try to be all the things Leeteuk was to them. He wouldn’t ever be as amazing but he would hold on to them, secure them carefully until Leeteuk returned as their guardian once more.

“Cuz he is an idiot” Heechul answered in lieu of Leeteuk, voice annoyed and expression slightly sour, glaring at Leeteuk who sank in his gaze, turning his head away in embarrassment, feeling stupid that he actually had that thought, Heechul making his regret even worse, looking at him with those judgemental eyes of his. He bent his head and felt his cheeks heat up. It was not like he didn’t know that they would be there. He never meant to offend them really.

“I know that..it’s just….anyway I didn’t mean it like that” Leeteuk apologized in a small voice, lifting his head to look at them both sheepishly. He never meant to imply that Yesung and Heechul would abandon the younger ones or that he didn’t trust them .In all honesty, during his wallowing he didn’t even consider it. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that Heechul and Yesung would be there but during his suffering the thought was suspiciously vacant from his mind. It was as if his mind was conspiring to cause him pain. He knew somewhere inside the chaos that he was leaving his precious little brothers in capable hands give or take the normal insanity one could associate with the termed AB Brothers. Heechul was fiercely protective and would let nothing touch them. Yesung was much more controlled but he had an honest caring heart and was someone that all the younger ones had a fondness for. He would reach their hearts and be their counsel. They would be insane and do things in their own unique ways but they would take care of them. He never once doubted their willingness, rather he was just so caught in his own concern that he had allowed himself to forget that his two interesting dongsaengs would still be there to handle things. He trusted them, he really did. He honestly did not mean to suggest that they would not take care of his dongsaengs, especially someone like Donghae, who they both adored. Now that he thought about it, maybe Heechul was right. He was being an idiot.

“I know you didn’t Hyung” Yesung smiled at him, having some understanding of the chaos that was caused by an unruly mind that was forever unwilling to permit the wielder any sort of comfort. He knew Leeteuk would never want to hurt either him or Heechul, so just saw it for what it was. He hoped however that Leeteuk was not aware that he didn’t have to worry so much. They would never be as amazing as he was at taking care of Super Junior but they would try their best to make him proud and to take care of each other. He hoped that Leeteuk would let them share the burden, to lift the weight from his shoulders just that little bit. No matter what they did or said, he knew his hyung would worry about them as to be expected, but atleast he hoped that his presence would help dilute the concern and make it bearable for Leeteuk. He squeezed the older man’s hand, Leeteuk smiling at him with a sheepish smile.

“Now that your sense has returned, will you stop being so ridiculous?” Heechul questioned with that annoying expression of his, where he chastises and encourage all in one breathe. Leeteuk wondered what it would be like to strangle him, especially now that he was wearing that self satisfied half smirk. Leeteuk got it. Heechul had proven his point. He once more proved himself to be an emotional idiot that never thought things though. Really Heechul was not in a better position to judge, but the fact that Heechul was not famous for being a cry baby made it easier for him to get away with it. He would have glared but was still well aware that he had brought it on himself. He had over thought the whole thing and got himself drunk like a fool and still missed a glaring detail. He was still concerned. That would never change, but really he should have considered the effect that Yesung and Heechul would have. Just as he had been comforted [tortured as well, mainly Heechul for that one] by the two and made to feel protected, he was positive that they would do the same for everyone else. He smiled at them both, unable to resist the urge to glare at Heechul though, the marginally younger man just smirking at him.

“I get it. Though it is still hard not to worry about you all” Leeteuk explained, trying to get them to understand that no matter how hard he tried, he would never stop worrying about them. He was positive Heechul would laugh him out of town, but he really felt as if he was leaving behind his own children and it was hard. He was happy that his heart felt a little lighter to know that he was in fact leaving them in save hands and not all by their lonesome as his treacherous mind was trying to portray to him. He was able to feel a little lighter thankfully and for that he was grateful to them both.

“We wouldn’t expect you not to worry. That would be stupid. You are you. All you do is worry. We just want you to understand that you don’t have to drive yourself into an early grave. Rabid Dog and I are here as well. We can take care of it for you….we can probably do a better job. A firmer hand” Heechul ended with a chuckle, nudging Leeteuk with his shoulder and his head, eventually resting it against Leeteuk’s own head in an affectionate gesture, Yesung's laughter bubbling up from beside them, his free small hand smacking Heechul on the thigh for his unique way of expressing his thoughts, Leeteuk laughing along with them. He was grateful that they understood his heart and mind, though he could do without the suggestion that someone would be better than he was. It was one of those silent fears that he kept hidden. He knew that Heechul was just teasing but he wished that he wouldn’t point that fact out. Even so he was feeling much better or atleast not as troubled as before. It was an odd feeling for him, letting others help him, opening his heart for them to take a peek, but he was finally mature enough to understand that sometimes he just couldn’t do it, that the worrying just seem to be part of him. He was hopeful however, wondering if he would be able to survive with their support. He thinks he would.

“Definitely a firmer hand…especially with that rude maknae, right Yesungie?” Heechul teased from his position next to Leeteuk, the eldest man perking up now that the addition was shifted from him, looking at Yesung turn a bright shade of cherry, looking everyway but at him, Heechul chuckling with mirth, eyebrows lifting suggestively, Leeteuk chuckling along with him. Heechul thought the atmosphere was a little too emotional and thought a little teasing was in order. He really couldn’t handle all the emotions if were to be honest. Even if he was wholeheartedly reassuring Leeteuk that it would be alright he had his own concerns. He was never very good at taking care of other people and he was ashamed to admit that he was not always the very best hyung to most of them either. He and Sungmin were still strained and he and Kyuhyun argued more than they should. Even Eunhyuk was still a little weary of him. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to do the things he was promising Leeteuk, that bit of uncertainty plaguing his own mind.  He was unwillingly to let it defeat him however. The simple fact that he was assuring Leeteuk meant he had to do it well. He refused to let Leeteuk or the others down and in an odd way being next to Yesung gave him strength. He was not alone, Yesung was next to him, he would help him. Together they would make Jungsu proud and be people that their dongsaengs could rely on. He really didn’t want to let anyone down. He was not so deluded to think it was his area of expertise.

It was not to say that he was uncaring, just that he didn’t have that natural maternal caring feeling that Leeteuk seemed to exude. Even then when he was supposed to be comforting his leader, just being next to Leeteuk made him think he was capable, that everything would be alright, that they would protect Super Junior. He knew that would never be him, but he was more than willing to try, not just for himself but for his band mates, his brothers. He smiled at Leeteuk, observing the older man, watching his face pull and dimple peek out, promising that he would make him proud, turning to smirk at Yesung, who was looking everywhere else but at him.

“Why are you involving me?” Yesung eventually managed to stutter out with some coherence, his face a cherry red trying his hardest to give off an air of nonchalance. If Heechul wanted to tease he was so not interested in going there. He thought Heechul would focus on the factors at hand rather than go there. Heechul knew he didn’t like talking about his relationship with Kyuhyun, so deliberately mentioned his BabyKyu whenever possible. Even then he was smirking and Yesung was determined not to go down that line of conversation with someone like Heechul.

“Anyway Teukie hyung are you feeling better?” Yesung questioned quick, trying to change the direction of the conversation after from him and Kyuhyun, taking pre-emptive action, rushing to address Leeteuk before Heechul could get his next sentence out, Yesung staring at Leeteuk intently, begging him with his eyes to help  him out, to permit the change in the conversation. Heechul chuckled at the action, looking at Yesung forcing his eyes to stay on Leeteuk, his face still red, wondering if he should still proceed in tormenting his special dongsaeng. It would be entertain for sure, but maybe it was really better to settle things with Leeteuk, Yesung spared for the time being.

“I am Yesungie. Thank you” Leeteuk responded with a warm smile, shaking his head to indicate that he was indeed feeling much better then. He would not be free from his concerns obviously, but atleast now they were qualified and addressed, not permitted to run rampant around his head causing heartache. He could always say to himself that Heechul would be there or Yesung would protect Donghae and Kyuhyun and it would be easier. It was better than letting his mind create some scene of heartbreak and tears continuously, instead he was trying to actively picture Yesung babying Donghae or coaxing Kyuhyun into taking his medicine or helping Eunhyuk with his singing or making Ryeowook feed his pets…well maybe he would have to talk to Yesung about that and he thought he could see Heechul keeping some order, settling disputes….Okay…he definitely had to talk to Heechul about that…his thoughts had somehow morphed into Heechul wearing a Hitler get up having the others on their knees pledging allegiance to his army for world dominance….he shivered.

“We have to talk about some things though” Leeteuk jumped right into it, his mind still clouded with thoughts of Heechul strapping uniforms on his children, Kyuhyun standing by his side with a smirk, Yesung trying to convince them to stop, the others looking miserable, smiling like fools when Heechul looked at him, all getting more worrisome and ridiculous as the seconds flew by. Leeteuk hoped that it was the after effects of the hang over that were creating those images and Heechul was nowhere close to that….was he? He needed to stop, it was getting crazy in his mind then. Maybe it was best if he tried not to think how close his crazy imagination was to the reality. Like any good leader however, he was proactive, indicating that there may be some things he needed to discuss.

“What?” Heechul made a quick inquiry, his head falling away from Leeteuk when he tried to be more mobile, sliding upwards with more energy than he should have had, Heechul resisting the eye roll when Leeteuk face pulled and a long sensual hand reached outwards to steady him,  his hand at his temple, Heechul biting back the comment as his delicate fingers rested against Leeteuk’s arm, steadying the older man, tugging on it lightly to pull him back to the headboard or himself but really he was aiming for the headboard…..really.

“You guys have to promise to behave okay. No craziness. No torturing my dongsaengs, no making them dress as your favourite cartoon characters or threatening their porn stash or making him swear allegiance to you when you take over the world” Leeteuk listed all the ills that popped into his mind that he wanted Heechul to avoid. He knew some were plainly ridiculous but with Heechul it was better to cover every possible angle. He continued to examine the possibilities, the list growing longer.

“You can’t get them drunk and take weird picture sand stop making Hyukkie cry and what else? I feel like there is a mountain I am forgetting…just don’t do anything…well you know…anything you want to do” Leeteuk listed, ending with a wry smile, positive that he would never end if he listed all the things that he should have Heechul avoiding. Maybe he should make a list for him? That seemed like a good idea, if he was not positive that Heechul would tear it up and scatter it in his room just to irk him. He was actually sort of amused by the look Heechul was giving him, until he felt a strong shoulder nudging him, Heechul’s face pulling instantly.

“Hey! I am not that bad!....though I like that allegiance thing” Heechul complained, nudging Leeteuk with his shoulder, pushing the older man off balance as he glared at him, pretty face pulled as he contested the claimed, though seemingly getting bored with the whole thing, deciding that he liked the army idea .What would be like to hear “Hail Heechul’? He could live with that. He was annoyed that Leeteuk was addressing him as such but at the same time he was aware that Leeteuk was just worried about the younger ones and Leeteuk had enough experience to be aware that Heechul had unique ideas. He didn’t see it as Leeteuk reprimanding him or distrusting him, rather just Leeteuk trying to prevent Heechul from having too much fun with the younger ones. Leeteuk normally was the one that decided that they should avoid Heechul and all his crazy thoughts. Now however he had to leave them in his care. Heechul could see why Leeteuk would be concerned really, though he still did not think Leeteuk really had to act as if he was going to cause that much craziness. Did he really think he would do all of that? He was in no way that bad. Yesung seemed to think so however, laughing quite animatedly, whilst Heechul glared at him and Leeteuk.

“Why are you laughing? You aren’t much better. Who suddenly decided that they are in love with a man, not even all men like a normal person, but just a snarky maknae that is too spoilt…then starts a relationship and blushes for everything? Really! I must be insane to leave my dongsaengs to you two!” Leeteuk commented, throwing his hands up and shaking his head, ensuring that all knew that he was already having doubts about those two, not even laughing when Yesung started chocking, Heechul dying laughing beside him, Leeteuk pulling Yesung closer to him to ensure that the younger man did not die of shock, pulling him over his body to sit in the space between him and the wall, Yesung coughing animatedly but followed the action, Heechul clutching at his stomach in mirth, though Yesung was the one looking more likely ready to die in the situation, though managed to pull himself to lean against the wall, legs resting on Leeteuk’s legs.

“Hyu-ng..hyung-its..don’t” Yesung stuttered trying to put forth some sort of response, still undecided if he was denying or accepting, not even sure what has he wanted to do. It was not as if it wasn’t true, but it was just really hard to actually hear, and the possibility that it can be referred to in such a manner. He wanted the earth to swallow him, drowning Heechul in the sea at the same time, the bastard wouldn’t stop laughing.

“Talking about that…. you better take care of the brat well  and don’t let him bully you…and if you two get caught or cause a scandal I would really kill you..like rip you to shreds sort of thing. Do you hear me?” Leeteuk warned, slipping into his role as leader as if it were his second skin, eyes trained on Yesung's still red face, the younger’s eyes wide and nervous, probably embarrassed as well, stupidly nodding along to whatever Leeteuk was saying, a habit cultivated with time, engrossed with his leaders words, amazing at how easy it was for him to command his attention, Heechul looking on in a similar vein, both in awe. There was no doubt in Heechul’s mind that Leeteuk was always meant to be their leader, the troubles from earlier seeming to fall away as he did what he did best, marshalling Super Junior and giving them their instructions. Heechul would be sad when he left, and thrilled when he returned he decided. It was not a unique feeling, all the others in a similar place, but it was something else for him to admit to himself. Even if he was not exactly one of those dependent dongsaengs, Leeteuk was still his hyung, his leader. He would miss his guiding hand as well.

“Hyunggggg stop….I promise we will be careful” Yesung vowed with that touch of cuteness, trying to convince Leeteuk that he had nothing to worry about. He was happy to see that glint in Leeteuk’s eyes as he warned him about the future, only reminding him that, yes! He was there leader, though it saddened him later when he realized that it would just be something that everyone, including Leeteuk would miss. He was meant to be there, to lead them, to help him, to protect him. It was who he was, who Yesung would miss. He didn’t want Leeteuk to worry about him, or to be worried about him and Kyuhyun. He would protect what Leeteuk protected; he would ensure that their secret did not jeopardize Super Junior’s position. He was just then grateful to have his leader’s guiding hand, his heart swelling with emotion.

“Hyung I’ll miss you” Yesung confessed, throwing himself at Leeteuk, a few tear drops begging to be released, though he refused. His pride was hurt enough when he left his position to attach himself to his hyung’s side, holding on to Leeteuk’s arm, attaching himself in a tight hug. He was being rather childish, he knew that, but in that second he was just very hyper aware what he would be losing when Leeteuk left. The man was his shield, his shoulder; he was Atlas that held all of their worlds on his shoulder. What would he do without Leeteuk’s advice, or warm smiles or toothless threats? Who would be there to fix his mistakes and to look over him? He knew that he still had Kyuhyun and Heechul and everyone else, but they would never be the same. Leeteuk was Leeteuk, just as his name indicated. He was special and irreplaceable. Just the thought of two long years without his words and smiles had his stomach in knots. They had talked about it at length and he really thought that he would be able to deal with it a lot better, but it was only now that it seemed real. Leeteuk had mere days left and he didn’t know what he would do without him. He had regrets as well, regretful that he had not shown Leeteuk more appreciation before, that he never told his hyung how grateful he was to have met him, to have spent his youth under his care, for working so hard for all their success. So much gratitude and love he had for the older man that he thought his heart would combust. He knew that Leeteuk would be back soon, but it was nearly 12 years since he had been with him by his side in some way or the other. He didn’t know what it was like without Leeteuk anymore. He wanted to hold on to his hyung and never let him go, enhanced when Leeteuk ran a hand on his back, a soft voice whispering comforts to  him, Leeteuk once more being his leader. He would never be able to express the gratitude he felt for him then, Leeteuk smiling at him in that comforting way, tears flowing from his eyes. Yesung did not mean to make him cry, feeling bad for ruining the moment, though was comforted by the watery smile that Leeteuk was flashing him, Yesung reaching up to wipe his tears, smiling weakly at him, pulling his weight from Leeteuk’s  body, sitting beside him, restraining his own tears.

“You two are embarrassing saps” Heechul commented as he reached across to pull both into a hug. It was an awkward action, but somehow they made it work, Leeteuk continuing to cry in his sadness, over the fears that plagued him, the loneliness he would face without his dongsaengs, even for the happiness he felt to be with such an amazing man, to have the love and respect of one of his precious dongsaengs. H

eechul was sickened by the scene. Not because it was a scene and things like that annoyed, simply due to the effect it had on him. He felt those tears as if they were his own, his spirit wishing to comfort Leeteuk. He had the experience of leaving and all that before, but he knew the sort of sadness Leeteuk would feel and his heart ached for his sorrow. He hoped that it would be resolved quickly, but then Leeteuk had tears in his eyes and then it was all hopeless, Yesung clinging on to Leeteuk, his own heart twisted at the sight. He would laugh at it all, but then fully understood the emotion, having no choice but to hold on the two as his own heart processed it all. Leeteuk pressed against his chest, Yesung's small hand holding his arms, holding on tightly to  Yesung's small waist, comforting them both and who knows,  maybe he was comforting himself. He suffered the same lose that Yesung did and had his own sadness associated with it. He couldn’t believe that it was actually happening then, his own enlistment not being so stressful, in this case everyone wondering if he would be able to see them at all. It was all very disheartening but at that point, Heechul was going to have a positive spirit. It would be much too hard to let him go if they worried about things like that then. Heechul not looking forward to that time, wanting to cry just at the state that Donghae would be in, especially since Yesung was so weepy as well. It would be a rough couple of days ahead for everyone.

“We promise we will take care of everything…right Heebongie hyung?” Yesung tried to get the reaffirmation from Heechul as he pulled out of the hug, looking at them both earnestly, a child like expression as he insisted that they would take care of everything, that he would be what Leeteuk needed, shaking his head at Leeteuk’s tears, reaching for them, impeded by Heechul however, who dabbed a tissue  at his face, rolling his eyes in annoyance , though there was some sort of gentleness to the action, the tears subsiding on their own from that point of time thereafter, Leeteuk smiling warmly at them all.

“Of course Rabid Dog” Heechul confirmed the promise, trying to return that he gesture of the air threading around them, smiling a little lopsidedly, the end result was the three of them oddly connected, though not embracing, smiling at each other, Leeteuk wiping his face clean and looking a bit sheepish, a better atmosphere created, Yesung smiling blindingly at both himself and Leeteuk, swinging his hand joined with the older man. In a way they had settled everything and were naturally pleased.

“Don’t be such a cry baby in the army though” Heechul teased after a few minutes of them acting like idiots, shaking his head to indicate that it was not a good idea at all, Yesung giggling at the other side as Leeteuk looked affronted by the comment, clearly insulted that Heechul thought he would cry a lot in the army, but perhaps more affronted by the fact that Heechul was rather dismissive of his concerns, laughing at his own comment, seemingly unwilling to accept Leeteuk’s disagreement or give it much credence, he and Yesung just laughing at him. Leeteuk glared a bit but was too comfortable to really be angry, so ended up laughing with them.

It was in such a manner that the three spent the majority of the night, somehow or the other all three cuddling up on the small bed as they talked about the various things that needed to be sorted out, Leeteuk insisting on giving all his warnings, making sure to point out that if they fought at all while he was away he would be rather upset, Heechul snorting and asking if they were robots. Of course they would fight, making Leeteuk roll his eyes. It was clear that he was not referring to that sort of fighting, just the bigger and more hurtful sort of fighting. He asked Yesung to ensure that the others got along and mediate all disputes on his behalf, pointing out that Kangin could help if it became absolutely necessary. Yesung was more than willing to assist, always being one that the younger ones would accept in such a role, immediately warning Heechul that he was supposed to be on his best behaviour. Heechul was naturally rather dismissive, only saying that Yesung just wanted to protect ‘BabyKyu’. The lead vocalist turned reed again and insisted that it was everyone, especially Hyuk he was trying to protect and had nothing to do with Kyuhyun. Heechul however, was unwilling to accept that point, kindly informing Leeteuk that they had interrupted something really interesting when he called him up. Yesung stuttered and insisted that it was never anything like that, Leeteuk and Heechul teasing mercilessly, both deciding that they would entertain themselves at his expense. Heechul had extensive plans but Yesung acted cute and they all fell away, taken by the batting eyelashes more than he would ever admit.

They spent the time thereafter speaking of their memories and their hopes, Leeteuk asking them to guide Eunhyuk who wanted to be the new ‘leader’, causing both to laugh now and then volunteering his concerns or offering ideas, all three settling comfortably together, Yesung on Leeteuk’s other side, snuggled to his side, a tight fit but he wanted to be close, Heechul in his position, Leeteuk chatting with them amiably, though by then he was rather tired. They continued with the mild teasing and the happy conversations, all aware that they wouldn’t have the opportunity to do so for a while to come, happy that they were with each other. It was rare that they all had the time to be together, so were more than willing to make the most of it, Yesung thrilled to receive his hyung’s counsel for the last time.

After three hours Kyuhyun unfortunately became very aware that he was now sitting on a cold bed by himself, only made so due to a certain hyung’s absence. Kyuhyun would like to claim that he had been there waiting for Yesung or conscious of his absence, but that couldn’t be claimed in entirety. He had fortunately or unfortunately, depends on how you look at it, been quite involved with his game and had been practically dead to the world. It was only at around 2 in the morning when he yawned like a hippo, did he realize that there was no annoying loveable adorable Yesung pulling at him to sleep, or even near him. Where did his hyung go anyway? Oh right…he remembered. Yesung had abandoned him when Heechul had called earlier. He wondered if Heechul had his hyung captive. Why hadn’t come back to him yet? Kyuhyun being the patient person that he was, waiting all of five minutes before he left their room with a grumble, going in search of his missing beloved. He hoped Yesung was somewhere around the lower dorm just so that he could drag him back to bed and punish him for leaving him alone for so long, obviously withholding that he had only recently realised the length of time. He was disappointed however when he did not see him anywhere, even popping into Eunhyuk’s room to check, the older man asleep haphazardly on his bed, leg thrown over the edge, mouth agape. He really was just begging for a prank, but luckily Kyuhyun was more concerned with the fact that Yesung was not there for him to sleep with. With slight regret he turned away to continue his search, wondering if Yesung was still at the higher dorm. It wouldn’t hurt to check, slipping past the door in his pyjama pants, he made the short trip to the 12th floor, punching in the code that would let him in. He was annoyed when he did not find Yesung or anyone else for that matter in the living room, the place deserted. It meant naturally that Yesung was probably in one of the rooms, which annoyed Kyuhyun. Why didn’t he just come back to his room? This guy really!

Kyuhyun continued his search, pushing past the door to Heechul’s room, wondering if Yesung was still with the older man that called his presence, eyebrows lifting when he found it empty, now more annoyed than curious, wondering if Heechul had coaxed his Yesung hyung into leaving the dorm. That could be dangerous. He knew Yesung was always better off with him. He just wished that Yesung would understand that as well, but that was something else. He pushed past Donghae’s door, seeing the older man curled up in a ball hugging a nemo plushie, looking rather adorable, though he would keep that bit to himself, eyeing the room for the presence of Yesung, aware that Yesung in his infinite uniqueness would be prevailed upon to possibly  stare at his cute dongsaeng. It was an odd habit and Kyuhyun would have liked him to stop or maybe just stare at him…yeah…it was that bad. He was disappointed to find the room empty as well, wondering where on earth Yesung could have gotten to. With his annoyance building rapidly he walked to Leeteuk’s room, about ready to kill Yesung for causing him such stress, quite intent to punish him. He grumpily pushed the door open, undecided if the sight before his eyes were of the nature to have him in a rage or if he could find it cute.

He was positive that Heechul’s hand on his Yesung hyung’s waist was in no way cute, but the fact that the three were all cuddled up asleep may have some claim in that aspect. It was not pleasurable to his eyes to see his precious hyung asleep attached to someone else’s arm but he couldn’t really hate it, though that hand on the small waist somehow kept drawing his attention, glaring at it endlessly, wondering if he incinerated Heechul’s hand if he would feel better. The only thing that stopped him from flying into the room and saving his hyung form roaming hands was the fact that Leeteuk was caught in the middle, asleep against the pillow, his head buried somewhere near Yesung's  blond locks, Heechul’s hand thrown over him as well, their legs tangled a bit, thankfully for Kyuhyun’s self control, Yesung seemed to be thankfully excluded from that scenario, occupying a mainly neutral stance, just pressed against Leeteuk’s side, looking rather comfortable, along with the other two who were more wrapped up with each other. In all honesty Kyuhyun thought it quite strange to find all three of them in such a situation, especially Heechul. He couldn’t see any reason  for his eldest hyungdeul to be together and especially not in such a position, and it was not even his possessiveness talking, though he could feel it bubbling just beneath the surface, especially with his continuous inability to understand how Yesung could think it was ever a good idea to leave him in the first place, and not just leave him but stay away from him, spending the night sleeping with other people, granting them his endless warmth, in the process depriving Kyuhyun of his comfort and he was sure his sleep.

All those musings aside, Kyuhyun was actually rather surprised to see the three of them in such positions, wondering what on earth could have happened to get all three of them in such a situation. He was aware that they were all close, as to be expected of all Super Junior members, bonded especially as they for a long time had been together, forming the backbone of the band itself, providing endless comfort and guidance to them all. Despite all of that, it was rare that they would have the opportunity to be together like that, Kyuhyun contributing greatly to occupying most of Yesung’s time, and well, the Leeteuk was just too busy. Now that he thought about it however, he supposed that it would not be so strange for them to wish to speak to each other then, especially with the enlistment only days away. They already had the farewell bit and all that, but it only recently sank in that their eternal leader would be leaving them. He supposed that in such a situation there would be a very serious need for conversation between the three. They may all playfully talk about leading and so on, but in Leeteuk’s absence the two eldest hyungdeul left would be tasked with a lot more of his responsibilities. He supposed it would be something that warranted discussion, perhaps leading them to their current get up? He wasn’t sure but it seemed likely, given the situation. He just wished that they did those things earlier when Kyuhyun was busy so that he could have his hyung to himself. No one ever considers his convenience he thought, completely ignoring that critical voice that just loved to whisper how selfish he was when it came to Yesung.

Kyuhyun however had a choice to make. He could either properly enter the room, wake everyone up and save his Yesung hyung from Heechul’s dirty clutches and be granted peaceful sleep with the person he loved in his arms in quiet contentment or he could allow Heechul to dirty his most prized property, leaving the person he loved to sleep with not just one but two other men, whilst he lunged away sadly all by his lonesome trying to force sleep to come to him, unaccustomed and maybe just unwilling to attempt to sleep by himself.  By such a description it would be clear that he should have just marched right in and wake Yesung up, pry Heechul’s dirty hand away and take what was his, returning Yesung to his rightful position. It was clear but it was not the course that he could reasonably pursue however. He was positive Yesung would not appreciate him making a scene and was sure Heechul would not be happy if he was awoken at that time, plus that small part of him had to admit that they all looked a bit too cute and too comfortable to be awoken. It was the one and only time he was going to be willing to make the sacrifice. He would permit Yesung to be away from him only then, smiling at the men on the bed. Plus he could see it bringing him long term benefit, wondering just exactly how he would use the fact that Yesung abandoned him to sleep with two other guys to him benefit...definitely seeing some appeasing kisses in his future. With one last look, an a mournful rue of the fact that he did not have his camera to take incriminating pictures of Heechul snuggled against Leeteuk, definite teasing material, he flicked the light switch off, pulling in the door behind him, wishing them all a good night, a special thought to the youngest of three, wishing that he remembered that Kyuhyun was the only one he liked sleeping with.

With that settled, Kyuhyun made the trek back down to his room, looking around the area, spotting Sungmin curled up comfortably in his own bed, before he shook his head, exiting the room with purpose, heading straight for the room he had left earlier, smiling at the red comforter, slipping past the covers, emerging himself in their folds, reaching for the turtle plushie nearby, wrapping it in his arms as he would another person or rather one person in particular, snuggling into the bed, burying his nose into the fabric that smelt like Yesung, feeling comfortable and warm, the coffee and cinnamon sparing him some salvation. A stray banished thought wondered if he would have to spend the days of Yesung’s own enlistment in such a manner, destroying it before it could go any further, replaced swiftly with thoughts of stolen morning kisses. With that settled, Kyuhyun went to sleep, ensuring that all the members present of the illustrious boyband were finally at rest.

A/N: First Post to LJ.