Real Journal Entry: Job Update (Spoiler- It's Not Good)
Guys, I think I need a little advice (or maybe just some cheering up & calming down).
I’m having serious doubts about my new job- it was absolutely the right decision to leave the rendering plant (especially seeing as there was a fatal stabbing not three weeks after I’d left) but I don’t think this new job is going to work out for me.
When I interviewed with them, it seemed like a small company, one that made a specialty product (spiral staircases) and was looking to expand. Everyone I talked to seemed friendly, welcoming of someone who could come in and help out with the paperwork.
Then, my first day of work… Oh, my god.
There’s gossip in every office, of course there is, but I have never heard such backstabbing talk, the moment a person was out of the room. For reference, my ‘office’ is about eight foot square and I share it with two other people- see italics above. I’ve always been shy, not totally comfortable with new people or talking to strangers, but it’s never been something I really worried about. I’d get nervous, but be able to give a presentation or sing a solo, or meet new people.
But less than a week at this place and a very polite request (from me) not to have to call customers until I’m more familiar with the company’s policies, and I’m dead-certain I’ve got Social Anxiety Disorder- I’ve never had a panic attack, but the way my heart was going, I think I was pretty close. And my new ‘managers’ continue to claim I’m “refusing to do work”- even though I now know enough to make those phone calls- when they’re feeling bitchy at other stuff (my work has been great, if I have to say so myself) and take it out on me (and remember, I only started in February). KN is the head-bitch (and not in a good way) and I seriously feel like she’ll just have a crappy day sometime and fire me for no reason.
I’m just so frustrated- and I am usually the master of not getting upset by stuff. I can’t stay there, I know that, but it’s going to be hell finding a new job. I just… I’m 28. I worked hard in school, got good grades, graduated college… I was supposed to have a career, nothing fancy, but a real job, where I could do something with my life and have a future. I’m kind of depressed by the idea of having to bounce around to crappy, dead-end jobs for the rest of my life, you know?
The only upside to anything is that, after seven years of contracts, my dad has a real, full-time job! It’s slightly less money than he’d been making, but way more than I do. I’m going to keep working as long as I can put up with it, but it is good to know that if it really, really comes down to it, we could do without my income for a little while.
Current Mood:
frustrated
I’m having serious doubts about my new job- it was absolutely the right decision to leave the rendering plant (especially seeing as there was a fatal stabbing not three weeks after I’d left) but I don’t think this new job is going to work out for me.
When I interviewed with them, it seemed like a small company, one that made a specialty product (spiral staircases) and was looking to expand. Everyone I talked to seemed friendly, welcoming of someone who could come in and help out with the paperwork.
Then, my first day of work… Oh, my god.
There’s gossip in every office, of course there is, but I have never heard such backstabbing talk, the moment a person was out of the room. For reference, my ‘office’ is about eight foot square and I share it with two other people- see italics above. I’ve always been shy, not totally comfortable with new people or talking to strangers, but it’s never been something I really worried about. I’d get nervous, but be able to give a presentation or sing a solo, or meet new people.
But less than a week at this place and a very polite request (from me) not to have to call customers until I’m more familiar with the company’s policies, and I’m dead-certain I’ve got Social Anxiety Disorder- I’ve never had a panic attack, but the way my heart was going, I think I was pretty close. And my new ‘managers’ continue to claim I’m “refusing to do work”- even though I now know enough to make those phone calls- when they’re feeling bitchy at other stuff (my work has been great, if I have to say so myself) and take it out on me (and remember, I only started in February). KN is the head-bitch (and not in a good way) and I seriously feel like she’ll just have a crappy day sometime and fire me for no reason.
I’m just so frustrated- and I am usually the master of not getting upset by stuff. I can’t stay there, I know that, but it’s going to be hell finding a new job. I just… I’m 28. I worked hard in school, got good grades, graduated college… I was supposed to have a career, nothing fancy, but a real job, where I could do something with my life and have a future. I’m kind of depressed by the idea of having to bounce around to crappy, dead-end jobs for the rest of my life, you know?
The only upside to anything is that, after seven years of contracts, my dad has a real, full-time job! It’s slightly less money than he’d been making, but way more than I do. I’m going to keep working as long as I can put up with it, but it is good to know that if it really, really comes down to it, we could do without my income for a little while.
Current Mood:
frustrated