a melancholy pursuit
Is it the New Year, the lack of light, a convergence of events, hormonal issues? Along with the economy, have I been forced to retract - drawing back within myself? Is it mid-life crisis? Whatever the source, I find I'm confronted with my past, having to peer into a mirror of ages. It's a melancholy pursuit.
The year end celebrations dredge up the past along with the trove of decorations. My parents' anniversary was New Year's Eve - there's a tough date to forget - they're inextricably tied to the yule. We lost three family members this year - one was my godmother, my touchstone since my mother passed. Out of twenty aunts and uncles, now only two remain. The large family gatherings have dwindled to nothing. My cousin Pam, whom I was closest with, moved out of state in June. She's sorely missed. A friend who was younger than I died this year :( And now the last of the year is brushed away. The room seems so empty after the Christmas tree is taken down.
My sister called about a letter she's gotten from mom's life insurance company. Four years on, we find the idiot lawyer only closed out one account of the two! I wouldn't mind, but I handed him all necessary info on a silver platter - all he had to do was file court papers for the probate. So I'm back to digging thru paperwork, death certificates - plagued with the past :( Why on earth do they need an estimate of the last day mom worked?? I should have claimed she was a homemaker -- but that's not what's on the death certificate :s Organize all the info and send emails to my siblings so that each claim matches up. My sister may be the "executor", but she's out of state, so I get the leg work. The bright spot? I feel like the money coming is a belated Christmas present from mom :)
Called my uncle in tracking down an estimate of the last day mom worked. He lived with my parents for a while after a divorce when I was little. He then married my mom's best friend and bought a house in the same town. I think he might miss them as much as I do - "There's a guy I see at the supermarket who looks just like your dad from the back". Thankfully, I don't live near there, or I might be as haunted as my uncle.
Ghosts of Christmas past - is that what these are? Because I'm beginning to face my own mortality? My best friends where I live now are Casey and her mom, Bebe. I see my own relationship with my mom mirrored in theirs. Though there is love, I know there's also stress in the position of caretaker. From years of caring for my mom, I have an affinity for Bebe's difficulties, too. So when Bebe sent an email about joining her on Facebook, though I've ignored others, I signed on.
I should have known better! Because we all turned 50 this year, my high school friends started a Google group. It made planning for our get together, our mutual birthday party, easier. They've been chatting @ FB - what fun to connect with old classmates. Geez, emphasis on old. I was shocked... shocked in going thru the pictures on FB! I never would have recognized one of my best friends from college. Maybe it's that my core group of high school & college friends are particularly well preserved... or that we've stayed in contact over the years. These other people? "Who the hell are all these old sods?" LOL.
Oooh! I almost missed it! Happy Birthday, laurelinofwotr!
The year end celebrations dredge up the past along with the trove of decorations. My parents' anniversary was New Year's Eve - there's a tough date to forget - they're inextricably tied to the yule. We lost three family members this year - one was my godmother, my touchstone since my mother passed. Out of twenty aunts and uncles, now only two remain. The large family gatherings have dwindled to nothing. My cousin Pam, whom I was closest with, moved out of state in June. She's sorely missed. A friend who was younger than I died this year :( And now the last of the year is brushed away. The room seems so empty after the Christmas tree is taken down.
My sister called about a letter she's gotten from mom's life insurance company. Four years on, we find the idiot lawyer only closed out one account of the two! I wouldn't mind, but I handed him all necessary info on a silver platter - all he had to do was file court papers for the probate. So I'm back to digging thru paperwork, death certificates - plagued with the past :( Why on earth do they need an estimate of the last day mom worked?? I should have claimed she was a homemaker -- but that's not what's on the death certificate :s Organize all the info and send emails to my siblings so that each claim matches up. My sister may be the "executor", but she's out of state, so I get the leg work. The bright spot? I feel like the money coming is a belated Christmas present from mom :)
Called my uncle in tracking down an estimate of the last day mom worked. He lived with my parents for a while after a divorce when I was little. He then married my mom's best friend and bought a house in the same town. I think he might miss them as much as I do - "There's a guy I see at the supermarket who looks just like your dad from the back". Thankfully, I don't live near there, or I might be as haunted as my uncle.
Ghosts of Christmas past - is that what these are? Because I'm beginning to face my own mortality? My best friends where I live now are Casey and her mom, Bebe. I see my own relationship with my mom mirrored in theirs. Though there is love, I know there's also stress in the position of caretaker. From years of caring for my mom, I have an affinity for Bebe's difficulties, too. So when Bebe sent an email about joining her on Facebook, though I've ignored others, I signed on.
I should have known better! Because we all turned 50 this year, my high school friends started a Google group. It made planning for our get together, our mutual birthday party, easier. They've been chatting @ FB - what fun to connect with old classmates. Geez, emphasis on old. I was shocked... shocked in going thru the pictures on FB! I never would have recognized one of my best friends from college. Maybe it's that my core group of high school & college friends are particularly well preserved... or that we've stayed in contact over the years. These other people? "Who the hell are all these old sods?" LOL.
Oooh! I almost missed it! Happy Birthday, laurelinofwotr!