It's a Bit Hard Letting Them In
I often wonder about the way my life has turned out. Why have I met the people that I've met, why have I experienced the things that I have experienced? I am happy yet sad about the things that have happened to me in my life. Happy...yet sad that I've met the people that I have met. I don't like meeting new people...actually, scratch that. I don't like making new friends because they always end up hurting me in the end. I guess that's why I became anti-social fall quarter, I didn't want to hope that this time it'd be different, only be hurt. Stephani has been a good friend, we've been in at least one class together since fall quarter '07, so there's something going on there, friendship-wise. But loathe that I admit it, sometimes I wonder if she considers me to be a good friend. I hate doing that, but with the few good friends that I have, I still wonder.
The only good friend(s) I have is one that I've never seen with my own two eyes. It's kind of sad when you have to go long distance for friends. Not that I'm complaining, I love my long distance friends. But I wish I had a friend that lived closer so I could run to them whenever I needed it. Trust is a big issue, if you haven't noticed.
I've been thinking about Zach and Adam a lot lately, particularly at night (the place where I usually do my thinking, thus causing sleep issues) and then it leads to thoughts of Jon, which hasn't really occurred with as much force until now. And then the tears start flowing. I have never cried for Jon, really, which would probably come as a surprise. But I have been doing so as well as for Zach and Adam. For my own naivete that I could ever be with them, friendship or otherwise.
I want to be in love. I can no longer deny it as I've been doing since August. I want to be in love. But that still doesn't stop me from doubting that I will ever do so.
But I just wish I had one good friend that lived near me. That will probably never happen, though. We shall see.
Ali will be in my linguistics class. Whoop-de-doo. I haven't seen her in over a year. Haven't been in a class with her for two years. I don't know if this will be a good thing. God help me through it. And let things stay in the past.
I just don't like being this low.
Beauty and the Mess
blue waters blue eyes color me
if any could come this close I'd let them see
get it out again and play 'em one more song
it's all they really want and who's to say that's wrong
ain't that what you want them to know?
all they get of you is what they get out of the show
the rest is mine, I guess, the beauty and the mess
to hide
I pull myself under and down I go again
it's just a little bit hard letting them in
looking at the world through elusive eyes
I hide in the spotlight it's a great disguise
ain't that what you want them to know?
all they all they get of you is what they get out of the show
the rest is mine, I guess, the beauty and the mess
to hide
behind the melody the words don't mean a thing
but every tone I play would give whatever I've not said away
behind the melody the words don't mean a thing
but every tone I play would give whatever I've not said away
behind the melody the words don't mean a thing
but every tone I play would give whatever I've not said away
ain't that what you want them to know?
all they all they get of you is all they get of you is what they get out of the
show
the rest is mine I guess the beauty and the mess...
ain't that what you want them to know?
all they get of you is what they get out of the show
the rest is mine I guess the beauty and the mess
the rest the rest is mine I guess the beauty and the mess the rest the rest is
mine I guess I guess the beauty and the mess: to hide
The only good friend(s) I have is one that I've never seen with my own two eyes. It's kind of sad when you have to go long distance for friends. Not that I'm complaining, I love my long distance friends. But I wish I had a friend that lived closer so I could run to them whenever I needed it. Trust is a big issue, if you haven't noticed.
I've been thinking about Zach and Adam a lot lately, particularly at night (the place where I usually do my thinking, thus causing sleep issues) and then it leads to thoughts of Jon, which hasn't really occurred with as much force until now. And then the tears start flowing. I have never cried for Jon, really, which would probably come as a surprise. But I have been doing so as well as for Zach and Adam. For my own naivete that I could ever be with them, friendship or otherwise.
I want to be in love. I can no longer deny it as I've been doing since August. I want to be in love. But that still doesn't stop me from doubting that I will ever do so.
But I just wish I had one good friend that lived near me. That will probably never happen, though. We shall see.
Ali will be in my linguistics class. Whoop-de-doo. I haven't seen her in over a year. Haven't been in a class with her for two years. I don't know if this will be a good thing. God help me through it. And let things stay in the past.
I just don't like being this low.
Beauty and the Mess
blue waters blue eyes color me
if any could come this close I'd let them see
get it out again and play 'em one more song
it's all they really want and who's to say that's wrong
ain't that what you want them to know?
all they get of you is what they get out of the show
the rest is mine, I guess, the beauty and the mess
to hide
I pull myself under and down I go again
it's just a little bit hard letting them in
looking at the world through elusive eyes
I hide in the spotlight it's a great disguise
ain't that what you want them to know?
all they all they get of you is what they get out of the show
the rest is mine, I guess, the beauty and the mess
to hide
behind the melody the words don't mean a thing
but every tone I play would give whatever I've not said away
behind the melody the words don't mean a thing
but every tone I play would give whatever I've not said away
behind the melody the words don't mean a thing
but every tone I play would give whatever I've not said away
ain't that what you want them to know?
all they all they get of you is all they get of you is what they get out of the
show
the rest is mine I guess the beauty and the mess...
ain't that what you want them to know?
all they get of you is what they get out of the show
the rest is mine I guess the beauty and the mess
the rest the rest is mine I guess the beauty and the mess the rest the rest is
mine I guess I guess the beauty and the mess: to hide