21
even i was surprised when i realized na may something weird about this number....
this really isn't my fave number. and it doesn't really hold any significance to me...
that is, before this moment.
alam nio ba na i'm already turning 21 this year? and what's even funnier is that im turning 21 years old in 21 days...hahaha, isn't that nice? ewan ko kung naaliw ka. ako naaliw...angal ka? walang pakialamanan. blog ko toh! (hehehe, defensive...parang baliw lang.)
anyway, dati naisip ko na on my 21st birthday, ako na ang bonggang magpapakaligaya. as many of you know, bisexual ako. when i turned 18 two years ago, pinagbigyan ko ang girly part of me to celebrate. dala ng udyok ng aking nanay, i got manipulated into holding the traditional debut/coming-out/lady like party thing. yes, i went through all the hullaballoo of finding a place, making invitations and planning a program. i even wore makeup and a PINK BALLGOWN...freaky huh?
the only thing that helped me get past all that is the thought na come my 21st birthday, i'd have an entire day to celebrate it the way I WANT IT. parang coming out party ng boy part in me. hehehe...as in no frills and ribbons and definitely NO GOWNS. as in ang gusto ko is videoke for hours at dinner na lamong binata with friends and kada..
then may narealize ako sa 4 na taon kong stay sa nursing...feel ko, i'm slowly becoming straight...hahahaha...feel ko nga, i've been straight all along. (yikes!!!what am i saying/typing?) medyo mas attuned lang ako sa boy part of me dahil sa mga katropa ko since i was a kid (na isang magulong grupo dahil 90% sa kanila ay lalaki...) at dahil super close ako sa tatay ko, sa mga tito ko (dahil love nila ako at talagang bantay sarado sila pagdating sakin) at sa mga pinsan kong kasama kong nanonood ng NBA...
ewan ko lang...nagkaroon ako ng identity crisis nung mapadpad ako sa co-ed na kolehiyo...weird talaga. baliktad. 10 years akong nasa all girl school pero hindi naman ako nagkaproblema sa seksualidad ko. tapos ngaung nasa coed ako, chaka naman ako nalito. pero that's beside the point.
wait what is the point?
...
...
ehr, naputol ung train of thought ko. si oat kasi, bigla akong kinasap.hindi ko na maalala kung anu ung dapat kadugtong nung previous paragraphs ko. hahaha...oh well. since nawala na ung continuity, eh di puputulin ko na lang ito dito. mas pangit ata kung dudugtungan ko pa ng something totally unrelated.
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