(no subject)
I have realized recently that I'm way too obsessed with my weight and food. Diet pills, low carb, 1200 calories a day, you name it - I've tried it. People might mistake my constant looking in the mirror as vanity. Rather, it's analyzing my body and pinpointing areas I think I need to tone or tighten. In the mirror, what I always see is someone who could lose a couple pounds. A lovably chubby girl. When I was visiting people who hadn't seen me in a while, they were all "You look better than ever!" etc etc and despite my friends and family's assurance that I am not fat, it is still what I usually see when I look in the mirror. I will never be thin in my thoughts, and I'm way more forgiving of others' physiques than my own.
I think it's because I am absolutely terrified of being overweight. All my life I've seen fat - my dad is overweight, my granddad, various uncles and the like. It scares me to death, the idea of being a slave to food like that and feeling so out of it with my own body. So I obsess, and I project fatness onto myself when it might not even be there.
Believe me, I didn't post this to hear a chorus of reassurances. I'm not a fisher for compliments. I just realized that I have this incredible obsession with weight constantly lurking under the surface. I think about it ALL the time, even when I'm not aware of doing so.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this? Do any of you do this too?
I think it's because I am absolutely terrified of being overweight. All my life I've seen fat - my dad is overweight, my granddad, various uncles and the like. It scares me to death, the idea of being a slave to food like that and feeling so out of it with my own body. So I obsess, and I project fatness onto myself when it might not even be there.
Believe me, I didn't post this to hear a chorus of reassurances. I'm not a fisher for compliments. I just realized that I have this incredible obsession with weight constantly lurking under the surface. I think about it ALL the time, even when I'm not aware of doing so.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this? Do any of you do this too?