Rant mode ON
It's a good thing I don't (yet) have the power to make people's heads explode just by thinking it, or there would be some serious mess to clean up in my immediate radius right now.
Bad News #1: We aren't getting internet back. At all. Until we do move out to the Shoebox. Fuck you very much MediaCom for charging out the asshole and ripping us off just to turn the service back on. When you're dealing with a grouch like my dad, forget it. (Mind you, he is right to be pissed about the charge, but he has a tendency to deal with these things by biting off the head of the other person on the line, which of course makes them even less inclined to help ease the sting. It's fucking embarrassing for me to listen to him on the phone sometimes. If you've ever worked in customer service and had to possibly deal with my dad, my sincerest apologies. I feel your pain, believe me.)
So now the only time I'll be able to go online is if I come to the library here, and that's dependent on whether or not I have enough gas to do so. I'm down to my last 3 $2 bills, which I didn't want to spend at all (I collected them over the years), but hey, when you're poor and you need stuff like, oh, personal toiletries and cans of tuna, well...bye bye collection.
Bad News #2: My mom may have messed up her back/knee big time. She's been in bad enough pain these past few days that she went to the doctor this morning, and they think it may be a tear in there somewhere. They're going to try to get her in for an MRI sometime this week to see exactly what it is. Hello, another expensive doctor bill we don't need (and probably can't pay for). Until further notice, she's off work, and although she's using her accumulated vacation time (what meager time it is, since her workplace is such a bastion of douchebaggery towards their employees) so she can collect the pay from that, it's not going to amount to much and will quickly run out (her pay is what goes towards our groceries). She signed up for Social Security, but that doesn't start until the end of March. And something tells me she's in for another extended furlough like when she had her back injury a few years ago - that lasted about 3 months.
I'm about ready to kill/scream/do both here. I fucking hate this shit so much. (And to add insult to injury, when I went down to the (meager) gas station today to check the newspapers, some asshat in front of me won like $40 from scratch tickets or something. Why the fuck can't I win a shitload of cash, huh? It's like the universe enjoys spitting in my face.)
I went out and sort of played in the snow last night for lack of anything better to do. I had a nice peaceful moment when I decided to lie down in the snow and stare up at the sky for a while. It occurred to me that I have come up with the way I'd like to die: I want to do as the animals, go off into a nice wooded spot during winter, preferably while it's snowing heavily, and just lie down in it and never get up again. And frankly, if this shit keeps going on like this, I'd just as soon as get it over with sooner rather than wait till I'm at the lowest possible point, homeless on the street and begging for food. (I'm already obsessed with food as it is. Being poor will do that to you.) I'm sick of trying and getting nowhere. I'm sick of playing a system that's already been rigged against people like me. If it's not going to get any better, if it's just going to keep getting worse, I'd prefer to forfeit and end the damn joke before hitting rock bottom where it really gets ugly. It wouldn't be the first time I left something unfinished.
Bad News #1: We aren't getting internet back. At all. Until we do move out to the Shoebox. Fuck you very much MediaCom for charging out the asshole and ripping us off just to turn the service back on. When you're dealing with a grouch like my dad, forget it. (Mind you, he is right to be pissed about the charge, but he has a tendency to deal with these things by biting off the head of the other person on the line, which of course makes them even less inclined to help ease the sting. It's fucking embarrassing for me to listen to him on the phone sometimes. If you've ever worked in customer service and had to possibly deal with my dad, my sincerest apologies. I feel your pain, believe me.)
So now the only time I'll be able to go online is if I come to the library here, and that's dependent on whether or not I have enough gas to do so. I'm down to my last 3 $2 bills, which I didn't want to spend at all (I collected them over the years), but hey, when you're poor and you need stuff like, oh, personal toiletries and cans of tuna, well...bye bye collection.
Bad News #2: My mom may have messed up her back/knee big time. She's been in bad enough pain these past few days that she went to the doctor this morning, and they think it may be a tear in there somewhere. They're going to try to get her in for an MRI sometime this week to see exactly what it is. Hello, another expensive doctor bill we don't need (and probably can't pay for). Until further notice, she's off work, and although she's using her accumulated vacation time (what meager time it is, since her workplace is such a bastion of douchebaggery towards their employees) so she can collect the pay from that, it's not going to amount to much and will quickly run out (her pay is what goes towards our groceries). She signed up for Social Security, but that doesn't start until the end of March. And something tells me she's in for another extended furlough like when she had her back injury a few years ago - that lasted about 3 months.
I'm about ready to kill/scream/do both here. I fucking hate this shit so much. (And to add insult to injury, when I went down to the (meager) gas station today to check the newspapers, some asshat in front of me won like $40 from scratch tickets or something. Why the fuck can't I win a shitload of cash, huh? It's like the universe enjoys spitting in my face.)
I went out and sort of played in the snow last night for lack of anything better to do. I had a nice peaceful moment when I decided to lie down in the snow and stare up at the sky for a while. It occurred to me that I have come up with the way I'd like to die: I want to do as the animals, go off into a nice wooded spot during winter, preferably while it's snowing heavily, and just lie down in it and never get up again. And frankly, if this shit keeps going on like this, I'd just as soon as get it over with sooner rather than wait till I'm at the lowest possible point, homeless on the street and begging for food. (I'm already obsessed with food as it is. Being poor will do that to you.) I'm sick of trying and getting nowhere. I'm sick of playing a system that's already been rigged against people like me. If it's not going to get any better, if it's just going to keep getting worse, I'd prefer to forfeit and end the damn joke before hitting rock bottom where it really gets ugly. It wouldn't be the first time I left something unfinished.