And that's it.
I was wrong. I'm not going to get gouged on the taillight.
I'm going to lose entire fucking body PARTS.
Explosion in 3...2...1:
I AM SO FUCKED BECAUSE THE TAILLIGHT IS CRACKED AND THERE IS WATER INSIDE THE GODDAMN LENS WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY IT IS OUT AND ALSO THE OTHER TAILLIGHT IS CRACKED AND HAS SOME SMALL CONDENSATION INSIDE OF ITS LENS SO IT WILL PROBABLY GO BAD SOON AS WELL AND THEY HAVE TO REPLACE THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIT BUT THEY DON'T CARRY IT IN STOCK THEY HAVE TO ORDER IT WHICH WILL PROBABLY TAKE ABOUT A WEEK AND IN THE MEANTIME I HAVE TO RISK GETTING A TICKET ALTHOUGH THE GUY DID GIVE ME HIS CARD TO GIVE TO ANY COPS IN CASE I GET PULLED OVER BUT IT IS GOING TO COST $300 PER FUCKING TAILLIGHT TO REPLACE AND THEY ARE GOING TO DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHEN THE SECOND LIGHT WILL BLOW AND I DON'T HAVE $600 FUCKING DOLLARS BECAUSE I AM WORKING FOR MINIMUM WAGE AND WHAT I GET IS ALREADY GOING TOWARDS PAYING OFF MY GODDAMN HOSPITAL BILL FROM DECEMBER OR PAYING FOR MY GROCERIES AND GAS AND WHEN I HAVE TO TELL MY DAD THIS HE IS GOING TO BLOW A FUCKING GASKET AND GET MAD AT ME AND I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT SO I REALLY WANT TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF STRUGGLING ONE PAINFUL STEP FORWARD ONLY TO REPEATEDLY GET KICKED BACK A DOZEN STEPS BACKWARDS EVERY GODDAMN TIME I MANAGE TO MAKE SOME INKLING OF PROGRESS BECAUSE I HAVE JUST FUCKING HAD ENOUGH OF LIFE AND ITS BULLSHIT.
Yeah. I've come up recently with what I call the 5-year plan. I'm 35. If, by the time I'm 40, I have not managed to attain a state with which I am reasonably satisfied - that is, solvent independence - that's it, I'm done. I'm checking out. Permanently. I know exactly how I'll do it, too. I've fucking had enough of this shit. It just keeps cycling back, over and over and I've had it. EVERY goddamn time I make a little headway, something hits me in the face and puts me even further behind than I was. Enough's enough. The older I get, the more of a burden I'm going to be, and I don't care to sink that low. I'm tired of this failure. I'm just tired.
(And no, I'm not going to do anything right away. I've got 5 years.)
I'm going to lose entire fucking body PARTS.
Explosion in 3...2...1:
I AM SO FUCKED BECAUSE THE TAILLIGHT IS CRACKED AND THERE IS WATER INSIDE THE GODDAMN LENS WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY IT IS OUT AND ALSO THE OTHER TAILLIGHT IS CRACKED AND HAS SOME SMALL CONDENSATION INSIDE OF ITS LENS SO IT WILL PROBABLY GO BAD SOON AS WELL AND THEY HAVE TO REPLACE THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIT BUT THEY DON'T CARRY IT IN STOCK THEY HAVE TO ORDER IT WHICH WILL PROBABLY TAKE ABOUT A WEEK AND IN THE MEANTIME I HAVE TO RISK GETTING A TICKET ALTHOUGH THE GUY DID GIVE ME HIS CARD TO GIVE TO ANY COPS IN CASE I GET PULLED OVER BUT IT IS GOING TO COST $300 PER FUCKING TAILLIGHT TO REPLACE AND THEY ARE GOING TO DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHEN THE SECOND LIGHT WILL BLOW AND I DON'T HAVE $600 FUCKING DOLLARS BECAUSE I AM WORKING FOR MINIMUM WAGE AND WHAT I GET IS ALREADY GOING TOWARDS PAYING OFF MY GODDAMN HOSPITAL BILL FROM DECEMBER OR PAYING FOR MY GROCERIES AND GAS AND WHEN I HAVE TO TELL MY DAD THIS HE IS GOING TO BLOW A FUCKING GASKET AND GET MAD AT ME AND I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT SO I REALLY WANT TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF STRUGGLING ONE PAINFUL STEP FORWARD ONLY TO REPEATEDLY GET KICKED BACK A DOZEN STEPS BACKWARDS EVERY GODDAMN TIME I MANAGE TO MAKE SOME INKLING OF PROGRESS BECAUSE I HAVE JUST FUCKING HAD ENOUGH OF LIFE AND ITS BULLSHIT.
Yeah. I've come up recently with what I call the 5-year plan. I'm 35. If, by the time I'm 40, I have not managed to attain a state with which I am reasonably satisfied - that is, solvent independence - that's it, I'm done. I'm checking out. Permanently. I know exactly how I'll do it, too. I've fucking had enough of this shit. It just keeps cycling back, over and over and I've had it. EVERY goddamn time I make a little headway, something hits me in the face and puts me even further behind than I was. Enough's enough. The older I get, the more of a burden I'm going to be, and I don't care to sink that low. I'm tired of this failure. I'm just tired.
(And no, I'm not going to do anything right away. I've got 5 years.)