(Untitled)
Oh lamentable life, why do you cling to me. I feel as though me and my tiny boy are all alone on an island. Perhaps my husband is there, he is sometimes. Unfortunately he can't handle my depression. It's not exactly support if it makes me feel worse. I don't blame him, I understand it's hard to be cheerful if your spouse is sad. It causes me to
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The whole deal with the non-profit really messed with my head. I was more worried about taking care of legal issues than the girl who runs it was. I was filling out all the forms, getting quotes on any insurances I might need- you know a parent can sue an organization [that tells children about options if they are being abused] if the child calls. Whether the accusation turns out to be true or not. Anyhow, we go out to California for background checks and all that, and she was so awesome I could die. I figure I really have found the sort of person I can feel comfortable with. I let my guard down too much. It's because we sometimes smoke weed that she ran off to her lawyer to "ask about it" crap we just wanted some during our tiny vacation in California (lol)...she didn't talk to us, hell we could have said we'd quit (not do it of course ;D). She went behind our backs and screwed everything up. I was so good at at of it too. I had donations waiting on the chapter to be official, I had forced some of my friends to volunteer by offering bribes (lol), I had rented a mailbox for the "organization's" adress, I was even managing all the paperwork and 'business-y' stuff well. I was shocked at that, but, I think I've always known that if I care I can be the best. That's part of why I hate waiting so long for the correct pieces of paper to get respect! ;) I mean, I don't mind the thought of being 30, 40, whatever when I get an advanced degree so much; I think the problem is it seems more like "if" than "when". Money pisses me off you know? But back to the story, I was pretty shocked when I found out we couldn't do it. For some reason I thought she would only be worried about the kids here in Florida.
I think there's just been too many smacks in the face in a small amount of time. I'm sort of crazy right now :) Truth be known, I'm incredibly lucky to have my son, there's no way I could think he has ulterior motives or would 'betray me' after all. At least not for 11,12 years or so ;) I mean, I have proof that it's not hopeless. I just get so confused by this world and the people in it! *hug* Thank you for being here, you are pretty good proof yourself :)
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