Terror and Tragedy Strikes
Yesterday was a REALLY shitty day. To start off, my mother woke me up to tell me that London had been attacked. I was completely devastated. It was 9/11 all over again. As I watched the news, they were talking about how the Londoners were walking home and how quiet they were... very reminiscent of New York and the 9/11 attacks. It's just so tragic and a grim reminder that we aren't in the clear. Quite the contrary... we are even more in danger because we went to Iraq and created even more animosity.
And yesterday was another hellacious day of dialysis... they took too much fluids off of me, which makes my blood pressure drop. It stinks because I already have to be plugged into the dialysis machine for 4 hours, and then add another hour and 1/2 for the time afterwards, where I wait for my blood pressure to stabilize. I might as well bring a gawddamn cot out and spend the night. I'm sick and tired of that place.
Then my mother drops a bomb on me on the way home from dialysis. She starts off, "Erika, please don't be sad when I tell you this".. she says in Portuguese. And I immediatly thought the worst. She said, "It has nothing to do with me or your dad. We are ok."
At this point, I'm getting frustrated. I'm yelling, "Just tell me already! Don't sugarcoat it."
She said, "Momma is dead." (Momma=Mrs. Creitch)
Momma was an old lady that I became friends with at the dialysis center. She was an Italian lady and would talk to me about when she was young. She was even a Holocaust survivor! At age 11 she was taken away by the Nazis and sent to a concentration camp.
I loved Momma...and Momma loved me. She would talk about me to her daughters and family members. But slowly she started to get sick. The diabetes took her in the end. I'm terribly sad about this. I was sobbing uncontrollably yesterday. It was horrible. I know she was old and sick but I didn't expect this to happen. Two weeks ago, Mr. Tran, another dialysis patient, passed away, too.
I hate being in this vulnerable position. I'm getting too attached to people and now everyone is dying all around me. Again I'm feeling extremely alone. No one understands what it feels like on dialysis unless they are on it, too... and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. But I'm strong. I can handle this. I just need to keep more to myself and not get so attached to others.
Tomorrow I'm going to San Antonio. They have the BEST fajitas there and I love to walk up and down the Riverwalk. It's my first time out of Houston... a LONG OVERDUE mini-vacation. Hopefully I'll have a smooth day at dialysis and have the energy to drive out to San Anton.
Anyway, my thoughts and prayers go out to all the victims and their families of the London attacks.