I'm Right Here In Front Of You, And I Can't Stop Shaking

[americanaffair]

I have a million things to say and no one really listens anymore, so I'll spew it out here to make me feel less alone.

Forever is not forever. I was under an allusion that it was, but now I see. Forever is just awhile. Forever is just a fancy word to make someone feel bubbles in their chest and make happy bubble chemicals gush their stupid happy veins. Slash the wrists, taste reality as the air mixes with cooper undertones.

People keep telling me I've given up.

I've fallen apart.

I've lost myself.

I've gone mad.

The actuality is that I'm surviving every fucking day by not giving up.

Just because it looks dead doesn't mean there's no pulse.

Just because it's broken doesn't mean it's done for.

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

You said you loved me. You don't love me. If you loved me, you'd bother with me.

Fuck, I think I miss you.

Selfish, intolerant bastard. Emotional demon. Liar. Coward. All around asshole.

You know what sucks?

I can tell you every reason why and explain it.

I can tell you why I fear what I do.

I can tell you why I say the things I do.

I can tell you why I am who I am.

I can't tell anyone why you did these things to me.

I can't put my finger on a motive, explain what could be going through your mind.

I can't.

I can't.

I want to, but I fucking can't.

Personal torment is Hell on earth.