(no subject)
my eyes were heavily watering a few minutes ago... and i'm feeling the need to just bawl at the moment... i was just watching some lifetime movie with my mom... about a 15 year old boy who got a girl pregnant, and did everything he could to make sure things happened right, and ended up keeping the baby... that stuff didn't make me wanna cry really...
but... i started thinking about stuff... i thought about how the boy in the movie was being completely responsible for himself for the first time.... and thinking about how for the first time... i'm being completely responsible for myself... i'm doing everything in my power to make sure everything works out... and i'm proud of myself for it..... i'm also thinking about how i'll be leaving so much behind.... i can't help but think of giving my parents a hug and saying goodbye... i'm looking forward to being away from them... but it's all i know.... i've spent my entire life with them... and i'm gonna be so far from them... i know it will be a very long time from when i leave that i get to see them again... probably years.... and my brother too... i love them all so much... and have wanted to get away from them for so long... and i still do.... but now i'm starting to see that i will miss them... very much at that.... and in the months leading up to me leaving... i'm going to be spending little time with them... i'm going to be working (maybe 2 jobs)... and then i'm gonna be really busy preparing.... i'm leaving everything behind for what has been my dream.... that is what makes it all worthwhile....
i'm not quite sure where i'm going with this at this point.... and i'm not sure what i intended to state in this post... what i do know.... is that i have had tears streaming down my face while writing this... don't get me wrong... i'm not really sad... it's more that i'm proud of myself...
i just know that i won't really have a chance to really enjoy the last leg of my life with my family... and that means all of my family.... all of my family is on the east coast... and i'm going to be beyond the west coast... way beyond it.... i'll make the best of what little time i have left here.... when i'm not working, sleeping, or getting ready....
but ya... i think the point is that i'm proud of myself because i think what i'm so determined to do now, is the most responsible thing (and probably one of the more difficult things) that i have ever done... and i like to think that my parents are seeing for once.... that this is truly the thing that makes me happy.... and they are proud of me for my determination to make it work.....
*steps away with tears dripping off his face*
but... i started thinking about stuff... i thought about how the boy in the movie was being completely responsible for himself for the first time.... and thinking about how for the first time... i'm being completely responsible for myself... i'm doing everything in my power to make sure everything works out... and i'm proud of myself for it..... i'm also thinking about how i'll be leaving so much behind.... i can't help but think of giving my parents a hug and saying goodbye... i'm looking forward to being away from them... but it's all i know.... i've spent my entire life with them... and i'm gonna be so far from them... i know it will be a very long time from when i leave that i get to see them again... probably years.... and my brother too... i love them all so much... and have wanted to get away from them for so long... and i still do.... but now i'm starting to see that i will miss them... very much at that.... and in the months leading up to me leaving... i'm going to be spending little time with them... i'm going to be working (maybe 2 jobs)... and then i'm gonna be really busy preparing.... i'm leaving everything behind for what has been my dream.... that is what makes it all worthwhile....
i'm not quite sure where i'm going with this at this point.... and i'm not sure what i intended to state in this post... what i do know.... is that i have had tears streaming down my face while writing this... don't get me wrong... i'm not really sad... it's more that i'm proud of myself...
i just know that i won't really have a chance to really enjoy the last leg of my life with my family... and that means all of my family.... all of my family is on the east coast... and i'm going to be beyond the west coast... way beyond it.... i'll make the best of what little time i have left here.... when i'm not working, sleeping, or getting ready....
but ya... i think the point is that i'm proud of myself because i think what i'm so determined to do now, is the most responsible thing (and probably one of the more difficult things) that i have ever done... and i like to think that my parents are seeing for once.... that this is truly the thing that makes me happy.... and they are proud of me for my determination to make it work.....
*steps away with tears dripping off his face*