I AM SO DEPRESSED! Please read if you care!
Everyone read alex's post on his lj. I mean, it's so true. I posted this in response, and I think it's really true. Partly because I'm really pissed off, but mostly because it's honestly the only thing that people can rely on these days. Conformity killing them. I mean, that's what the problem is in this world. Everyone wants to fit an "ideal". And it's not even possible. You'll never be tall enough, or skinny enough, or smart enough, so I mean, we should all just kill ourselves now, because it really doesn't matter. We'll never be the best at anything, so really all there is to live for is the inescapable attempts to succeed that will always, no matter what, lead to failure. No matter how hard we try. Because the world sucks. And everyone promises to change that. But they can't. Because they, too, are doomed to fail. It's FUTILE to try to succeed, because no one EVER will. You might think you are, only to GET SHUT DOWN BECAUSE YOU SUCK. I MEAN, HONESTLY, CAN ANYONE EVER SAY THEY ARE HAPPY WITH THEIR LIVES? NO! BECAUSE THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU. YOU MIGHT CONFORM TO SOCIETYS STANDARDS AND YOU STILL WONT BE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU WILL STILL STRUGGLE SO HARD TO DO WELL BUT YOU WILL ONLY FAIL. So what's the point of living? Just so you can try , try, try, try and fail? EACH AND EVERY TIME? Just so you can compete with everyone else only to find out that you are so much uglier, and stupider, and fatter, than everyone else that it is so pointless anyway? I mean, we might as well all kill ourselves. It's not like we have ANYTHING to look forward to. You try to be nice, but you end up hurting someone. You try to lose weight but you end up getting fat. You try to study but you end up failing anyway. You try to get friends but people just make fun of you. THE WORLD TOTALLY SUCKS BECAUSE EVERYONE TRIES TO BE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE, AND I WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD! No matter how hard you try, you will fail. It's pointless, it's like one of those "how to keep an idiot busy games". You'll never succeed, so why do you keep trying? It's like when you have to click the button on a website to go to a new page when it doesn't have a link. It's like taking different roads that all lead to the same place. It's like trying to take a step when you are paralyzed. It's like trying to climbing up a ladder only to fall a second before you reach the top. And why? Because of SOCIETY. Because of it's standards. Because if you aren't 30 pounds you are fat. Because if you aren't a whore you aren't socially acceptable. Because if you are smart and try in school you are really stupid because you'll get NOWHERE. It's all shit. And it won't change. Because the only people who can make it change are people like us. And we are doomed to fail. Talk about a catch 22.
Love, Carrie
PS: I am not in any way endorsing suicide. I think that that is a horrible thing to do, so please never ever try to harm yourself. When I say "just go kill yourslef" its only because I'm pissed off. I do not want anyone to hurt themselves. Because you, unlike me, have a chance at life. You all are smart, and amazing people. But I'm not. I'll never amount to anything. Because I'm too concerned with things that shouldn't matter. And I know they shouldn't. But they do, and it's killing me. I wish I could be as smart, or as talented, or as pretty, or as skinny, as all of you. But I'm stupid, fat, and ugly, and I only do well if I kill myself studying. And then people tell me I have an easy life. Go kill yourself. Seriously. The people who tell me I have an easy life, you SHOULD kill yourself. Because you have NO IDEA. You are just some prissy stuck up bitch who wants to make herself feel better for SUCKING. You think the world is out to get you, it's NOT. YOU are out to get the world. YOU THINK everyone hates you because you want an excuse not to try. You want the world to feel bad for you. You judge people without knowing them. You act like the victim. God if you knew half the things that have happened in my life. Oh, I put on a smile and act happy all the time because if you knew what went on in my life you'd throw me in a mental institution. You can't judge people and say they have an easy life. Not unless you ahve their life. Because we don't share everything all the time. The happiest girl in the world on the outside is the saddest girl on the inside. Because, and here's a hint for you all: IF SOMEONE REALLY HAS AN ISSUE, they won't fucking tell you. Because it's not something they are proud of. Unless they tell you in confidence. God...all my close friends know who this is directed to. And I want to thank them (AW, SL, KK, JG, AG, AA, YC, LC, JJ, JL, HY, and everyone else who cares about me) because you all are so helpful and save me from either killing myself or Miss Bitch.
Love, Carrie
PS: I am not in any way endorsing suicide. I think that that is a horrible thing to do, so please never ever try to harm yourself. When I say "just go kill yourslef" its only because I'm pissed off. I do not want anyone to hurt themselves. Because you, unlike me, have a chance at life. You all are smart, and amazing people. But I'm not. I'll never amount to anything. Because I'm too concerned with things that shouldn't matter. And I know they shouldn't. But they do, and it's killing me. I wish I could be as smart, or as talented, or as pretty, or as skinny, as all of you. But I'm stupid, fat, and ugly, and I only do well if I kill myself studying. And then people tell me I have an easy life. Go kill yourself. Seriously. The people who tell me I have an easy life, you SHOULD kill yourself. Because you have NO IDEA. You are just some prissy stuck up bitch who wants to make herself feel better for SUCKING. You think the world is out to get you, it's NOT. YOU are out to get the world. YOU THINK everyone hates you because you want an excuse not to try. You want the world to feel bad for you. You judge people without knowing them. You act like the victim. God if you knew half the things that have happened in my life. Oh, I put on a smile and act happy all the time because if you knew what went on in my life you'd throw me in a mental institution. You can't judge people and say they have an easy life. Not unless you ahve their life. Because we don't share everything all the time. The happiest girl in the world on the outside is the saddest girl on the inside. Because, and here's a hint for you all: IF SOMEONE REALLY HAS AN ISSUE, they won't fucking tell you. Because it's not something they are proud of. Unless they tell you in confidence. God...all my close friends know who this is directed to. And I want to thank them (AW, SL, KK, JG, AG, AA, YC, LC, JJ, JL, HY, and everyone else who cares about me) because you all are so helpful and save me from either killing myself or Miss Bitch.