HOW ARE YOU TODDDAY?
What an interesting past few days. I feel like I haven't slept in ages, like every day has been the weekend.
Wednesday was... wow, Wednesday was great. Friday kind of sucked a little bit but that's only because I started feeling sick and because ALLISON TIBBS had to take up MULTIPLE seats on the couch, that #$)(*#&$(. A bit frustrating. But what can I do?
And now, well, now I'm in Florida! Yay for Destin. It's beautiful down here. Its so warm, inside and out, the water looks and feels fantastic, and I just feel so relaxed and refreshed. It's amazing. No work. No drama. Just a book and the sand and miles and miles of ocean and outlet malls. It's a beautiful place. Also, within the first two hours of being here, I got about forty percent of my body sunburnt. It's highly attractive. I can't wait until it peels.
Now, on to other things:
I can't stop thinking that somehow, I've fucked things up. I don't know. Sometimes, I just feel so insufficient and ridiculous that I wonder if anything I do really affects anyone else. I can't stop thinking that I've fucked things up and I can't stop thinking about how much I would love to have him with me right now. What am I going to do about this mess? And it is a mess, don't say it isn't. I'm trying to put myself forward and I'm trying to hold on to you, but sometimes I can't tell if he even wants to be held. Not to mention, everywhere I look there's someone else watching and bearing down on the situation trying to evaluate every single look and action. It's frightening. It's stupid to feel pressured but I do and I can't help it.
BLECH. Maybe the ocean will drain this out of my system. Maybe some beautiful Andrew Fultz of a man will come riding up in a black Mustang and drive me off into the sunset. Maybe, maybe, maybe.