"it feels like losing a best friend"

[amenaspointyhat]

And that's exactly what it is. I lost my best friend last night. We both worried and acted crazy that we were going to lose each other, one way or another, but were more comfortable just dealing with letting us fade than to extinguish our light. The decision had to be made, though. We weren't getting anywhere. We weren't doing things right. I feel that I was very hard on him in that I would leave us behind because of stupid disagreements, but I didn't see any other way for those disagreements to stop. I hate closing the door on someone but it's had to happen and luckily, it or a window eventually reopened. He says that if too much time passes, he may not reopen any windows, doors, cat doors, fire escapes..haha. I don't know. I know what I feel and what I've been feeling and much like our breakup, it was a truth that we kept trying to escape. I didn't like any of it; not our break up and not ending our friendship. Especially when I was reminded last night why we ever were such good friends- but I was also reminded that he can frustrate me terribly and I had to leave to spare him of me being mean to him. He's not a child, but he was always going to feel like it as long as I was around. Even if I didn't do anything to make him feel like it. He's never gotten over anything that I've done. Time is the only way for him to. Y esta cambiando, y va a volar mas alto sin mi.

"And so it is just like you said it would be life goes easy on me, most of the time"