a return to live journal
i'm here bleeders, once more, ready to slice open that vein of emotional whorish needs and share with you my pains, my joys, my sorrows and ideals.
what's wrong today?
tell me what to do. live my life for me, tell me who to be, how to be, what to be. tell me.
you see there was L. i loved her, she was everything. she was breath, she was being, she was joy, she was light. she was the missing half to me. she was also lies, scorn, anger, hate, rage, hurt, and several years of intermittent losses of emotion and waves of hopelessness.
now, there is T. she's older than me - which is very new for me. she's insightful, interesting, fun in a way i like fun most people don't get (gourmet coffee, intelligent conversation, indian food, and exotic pizza fun). she's also someone i will never be able to have children with, something i yearn for more and more as the years draw on.
so, here is my issue.
L calls. she's getting divorced, she realizes all her mistakes and wants me, she even wants to have children with me. i asked L to not come here and we would talk again if she became divorced - completely. meanwhile T and i have become closer and now she's seeking employment in indianapolis because she misses the city.
oh, it should also be known that i bought a home and i'm under contract at work now so i cannot move.
i'm really drawn, really unhappy, and suddenly very sad. please help if any of you are still around.
what's wrong today?
tell me what to do. live my life for me, tell me who to be, how to be, what to be. tell me.
you see there was L. i loved her, she was everything. she was breath, she was being, she was joy, she was light. she was the missing half to me. she was also lies, scorn, anger, hate, rage, hurt, and several years of intermittent losses of emotion and waves of hopelessness.
now, there is T. she's older than me - which is very new for me. she's insightful, interesting, fun in a way i like fun most people don't get (gourmet coffee, intelligent conversation, indian food, and exotic pizza fun). she's also someone i will never be able to have children with, something i yearn for more and more as the years draw on.
so, here is my issue.
L calls. she's getting divorced, she realizes all her mistakes and wants me, she even wants to have children with me. i asked L to not come here and we would talk again if she became divorced - completely. meanwhile T and i have become closer and now she's seeking employment in indianapolis because she misses the city.
oh, it should also be known that i bought a home and i'm under contract at work now so i cannot move.
i'm really drawn, really unhappy, and suddenly very sad. please help if any of you are still around.