What You Can’t Have
Title: What You Can’t Have
Author: amebeam
Pairing: Ted/Barney
Word Count: 925
Rating: PG
Summary: A Twin Beds “missing scene” fic I couldn’t get out of my head.
How’d they get from the couch to the beds? And aren’t they touchy drunks?
Disclaimer: Not mine
AN: inspired late night fic=no beta reader, all mistakes are mine alone so feel free to correct.
Ted woke up on a comfortable couch with a body snuggled comfortably to his side. Comfortable is what he was. Comfortable, and hazy, and drunk. An arm draped across his waist tightened in response to his stirring and Ted saw the suit-clad arm and turned to see the suit-clad body draped over his side. With whatever coordination he had left, he moved to push Barney off him, despite how comfortable he might be.
“Get off,” he mumbled while giving a weak push to Barney’s shoulder.
He only received incoherent muttering in response. It wasn’t until his second attempt, which apparently had much more strength to it, that Barney sat up, hand to where Ted had been abusing, proclaiming “Dude!”
Ted felt no sympathy towards his rival for Robin’s love, despite that fact that they were bros. He was about to get up, practically whispering “Gotta find Robin,” before he was stopped by Barney’s hand gripping his bicep.
“There she is!” he exclaimed drunkenly, pointing to the television. So close, but still across town. Ted’s drunken mind began formulating plans of himself as a surprise guest star, proclaiming his love on live television, in front or dozens of viewers.
His daydreams were interrupted by Barney’s nonstop talking of how Robin would totally chose him, and how there’s no way the Barnacle could lose, and plenty of other things Ted would have drown out even if he wasn’t completely wasted.
But in that moment something in Ted snapped, “You only want her because you can’t have her!”
Barney paused in the middle of whatever long winded declaration he was in the middle of to give Ted a puzzled glare and the convincing comeback of, “Nuh-uh!”
“Yuh-huh! You only want what you can’t have!” Suddenly an alcohol-induced plan came to Ted’s mind. If he could get Barney focused on someone else he couldn’t have, he’d forget all about Robin! “You’d want me if I said you couldn’t have me!”
Barney’s hazy gaze grew sharper with interest. Ted suddenly realized a flaw in his plan; sure, if Barney went after someone else, Ted would be free to pursue Robin without interference, but he realized belatedly it would be hard to do that with Barney still on his trail, though in a new capacity.
“Can I have you?” Barney asked, fairly drunkenly, though with unpredicted interest.
Ted’s brain caught up with him enough to exclaim, “What?! No!” And as quickly as Barney jumped into that chair earlier, he was suddenly two feet closer with his lips pressed firmly against Ted’s.
Barney was kissing him.
He was being kissed by Barney!
It was weird. It was wrong. It was surprisingly awesome.
Things began to get even more awesome as Ted began to respond, parting his lips allowing Barney to deepen the kiss. While Robin was still on the television screen interviewing some local nobody, Ted shifted to a more comfortable position while Barney scooted closer, practically into Ted’s lap. Suddenly hands were everywhere and Ted’s mind couldn’t decipher which moans were who’s but he didn’t care as long as this, whatever it was, didn’t stop.
They broke apart only long enough for Barney to lift Ted’s sweater over his head and throw it on the ground beside them before Barney was slowly kissing his way down Ted’s chest. Barney paused when his journey down bare skin finally hit the fabric of Ted’s jeans.
“Liar,” Barney accused, though there was more smugness than anything else in his voice.
“What?” Ted asked through his haze of passion and alcohol, barely comprehending the word.
“I can totally have you,” Barney smirked, while unbuttoning Ted’s pants and pushing them down.
Before Ted could reconcile the fact that apparently he was a liar and didn’t really care at this point, Barney’s face was in Ted’s crotch, though in no erotic way, he was completely passed out.
Ted groaned in disappointment but as he closed his eyes, he couldn’t fault Barney as much, because he found he couldn’t open his eyes either.
***
As Ted was entering consciousness he found himself being half helped and half dragged away from the couch he had been on previously. He looked to see a suit-clad arm supporting him around his waist. He snuggled closer to the body holding him upright. He was beginning to wonder how Barney had the strength to walk after passing out earlier, let along drag someone else across the apartment. Maybe he was magical; able to overcome alcohol, great distances across apartments and apparently, the ability to be in two places at once, as he came into view on the farther twin bed in the bedroom.
Ted stiffened as he looked up to see that the suit-clad body carrying him had been Don all along.
“Easy there,” Don laughed as he eased Ted onto the closer of the two twin beds. Ted was deciding how to respond, when from seemingly nowhere to a drunk mind, his shirt was dropped onto his chest.
“Don’t want to give Robin an aneurism later when she eventually confronts you guys about your stunt this morning, well your first stunt anyway.” Ted’s drunken confusion must have shown on his face as Don elaborated, “I sure don’t think she’s going to bring up the position we found you in when we got home.”
Ted knew he should have blushed with embarrassment, but he was too drunk to care at the moment. Though he did find it important to mumble, “Still not gay,” into the pillow before he drifted back into unconsciousness.