OW.
I have been banging my feet and toes into shit all night, more than once one of those stubs where you bang your toe into the concrete and then scrape it along (flip flops want to kill me). It culminated with me tripping on the stairs up the house and dropping all of the food, screaming at the heavens, and kicking a stray pickle. I CANNOT WALK. And now you know.
Friday afternoon my coworker K and I were asking our boss D a question about very important work matters. We stood around D's computer as various invoices and factoids were looked up, just three people being very official and concerned about product shipping. That all unhinged when K asked "Who is the small guy from Lord of the Rings?"
Me: Which small guy?
D: Yeah, there's more than one.
K: The small guy.
Me and D: ....
K: You know, the small guy.
Me: Um, Frodo? One of the hobbits?
K: No, the small one.
D: What did the guy do?
K: He was sad.
Me: Was he obsessed with the ring? Did he have split personality disorder, like talking to himself?
K: I don't know.
D: Did he travel with the Ents?
K: I don't know.
Me: Samwise?
K: No.
Me: Gollum?
K: Yeah! He was funny.
.......
That's all. He was funny. And small. Our clue was that he was small, in a movie FULL OF HOBBITS. NO other identifying characteristics, not even ones pointed out to her, such as an obsession with the ring (granted, not a big clue in that trilogy, but neither is HE WAS SAD) or, say, SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER. All so that, out of left field, K could let us know that he was funny.
But she wasn't done yet.
K: And the other small guy! From Harry Potter!
Me: The house elf?
K: No, the familiar! But not the owl!
(D has washed his hands of the conversation at this point, I am flying this strange terrain solo)
Me: The familiar? I don't think there is a small guy who is a familiar.
K: In the first movie!
Me: Um, was he a professor? Professor Flitwick?
K: No, he was small.
Me: ...Did he hurt himself all the time?
K: Yes!
Me: Dobby!
K: Yes! A lady worked here and I called her Dobby, because her name was Debra. Actually I don't think she ever saw the movies, she probably doesn't know why I called her that.
.........................................wow.
Okay, putting aside that she called a woman named Debra Dobby for (as far as Debra was concerned) NO apparent reason whatsoever, the clues were that the small guy was not a house elf, but a familiar from the first movie. And that he was small. At least Harry Potter isn't overrun by hobbits, but still, there are just SO MANY other clues. I'm giving the abridged version, there were various other questions such as "Well, what did he do? What did he look like?" which she could not answer. I only hope that she is never a key witness in a criminal investigation.
Prosecuting attorney: Please describe the defendent.
K: He was small.
PA: How small?
K: Small.
PA: As in, unusually small, a dwarf?
K: Oh, you know, pretty small.
PA: Did he have any other identifying characteristics?
K: No, not really.
PA: Can you describe anything else you may have noticed about him?
K: Well, he was pretty small.
PA: *points to defendant, Gary Coleman, who has live chickens stapled to his head* Is that the man?
K: Oh, yeah, that's him!
Friday afternoon my coworker K and I were asking our boss D a question about very important work matters. We stood around D's computer as various invoices and factoids were looked up, just three people being very official and concerned about product shipping. That all unhinged when K asked "Who is the small guy from Lord of the Rings?"
Me: Which small guy?
D: Yeah, there's more than one.
K: The small guy.
Me and D: ....
K: You know, the small guy.
Me: Um, Frodo? One of the hobbits?
K: No, the small one.
D: What did the guy do?
K: He was sad.
Me: Was he obsessed with the ring? Did he have split personality disorder, like talking to himself?
K: I don't know.
D: Did he travel with the Ents?
K: I don't know.
Me: Samwise?
K: No.
Me: Gollum?
K: Yeah! He was funny.
.......
That's all. He was funny. And small. Our clue was that he was small, in a movie FULL OF HOBBITS. NO other identifying characteristics, not even ones pointed out to her, such as an obsession with the ring (granted, not a big clue in that trilogy, but neither is HE WAS SAD) or, say, SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER. All so that, out of left field, K could let us know that he was funny.
But she wasn't done yet.
K: And the other small guy! From Harry Potter!
Me: The house elf?
K: No, the familiar! But not the owl!
(D has washed his hands of the conversation at this point, I am flying this strange terrain solo)
Me: The familiar? I don't think there is a small guy who is a familiar.
K: In the first movie!
Me: Um, was he a professor? Professor Flitwick?
K: No, he was small.
Me: ...Did he hurt himself all the time?
K: Yes!
Me: Dobby!
K: Yes! A lady worked here and I called her Dobby, because her name was Debra. Actually I don't think she ever saw the movies, she probably doesn't know why I called her that.
.........................................wow.
Okay, putting aside that she called a woman named Debra Dobby for (as far as Debra was concerned) NO apparent reason whatsoever, the clues were that the small guy was not a house elf, but a familiar from the first movie. And that he was small. At least Harry Potter isn't overrun by hobbits, but still, there are just SO MANY other clues. I'm giving the abridged version, there were various other questions such as "Well, what did he do? What did he look like?" which she could not answer. I only hope that she is never a key witness in a criminal investigation.
Prosecuting attorney: Please describe the defendent.
K: He was small.
PA: How small?
K: Small.
PA: As in, unusually small, a dwarf?
K: Oh, you know, pretty small.
PA: Did he have any other identifying characteristics?
K: No, not really.
PA: Can you describe anything else you may have noticed about him?
K: Well, he was pretty small.
PA: *points to defendant, Gary Coleman, who has live chickens stapled to his head* Is that the man?
K: Oh, yeah, that's him!