I wrote a thing. And then I drew a picture to go with it.
First, some notes.
DRUJ is a gay incubus that I've drawn about five billion times before. He's 26 years old in this excerpt.
ZWITTER is Druj's younger sibling. Ze is a true hermaphrodite (two working sets of sex organs, one from each gender). Ze uses third-gender pronouns. I have also drawn zir five billion times before. Ze's 20 years old here.
WENDY is a werewolf, one of Zwitter's friends. She's also a jerk. All the pictures I have of her are really, really, spectacularly old. Wendy herself is 19 in this excerpt.
As of the opening of this story, Zwitter and Wendy (along with several other persons not mentioned here) are living in a house in a small town in New England. Zwitter doesn't get to go outside much, mostly because zir appearance (hermaphrodite with bright red skin, hooves, horns, and a tail) would raise some eyebrows. So Wendy functions as one of Zwitter's links to the outside world when it's not that time of the month.
In Zwitter and Druj's culture, Zwitter's genital status makes zir a revered figure, so ze's used to getting zir way 90% of the time. Also in that culture, clothes are not generally worn unless weather or safety demands it. But Zwitter has developed what zir people would consider a strange obsession with fashion, and that's part of what the following excerpt is about.
---
"I am not doing this."
Druj crossed his arms over his broad chest and glared down at his younger sibling. Zwitter, for zir part, was pouting fit to explode.
"Bitte?" ze begged, holding the t-shirt out again. It was a black men's shirt, sized large, but even so, it would probably be a tight fit on the torso of the massive incubus. Zwitter held the shirt up higher still, so it blocked zir face from zir brother's view. All Druj could see of his sibling were two red hands and the tips of zir horns; the rest was just the Cheshire Cat from "Alice in Wonderland" on a black field.
"Dude," said Wendy, "do you have any idea what we went through to find this?" She was sitting backwards in one of the kitchen chairs, legs splayed to either side of the chair's back, leaning forward so her chin rested on top of it. "I had to go to three different Hot Topics to find even one that still had Alice shit in stock. What Zwitz has in his... her... hands," Wendy fluttered her own hands at the wrists as she struggled with the pronouns, "is the very last Cheshire Cat shirt in the state."
"Why does it have to be mine?" Druj groaned, batting away Zwitter's attempts to shove the shirt in his face.
"Because it's not my size!" Zwitter wailed, pulling the shirt back to crumple it against zir chin. "They didn't have anything in small! It's not fair!"
"Why do you even want it?" said Druj, still struggling to understand. His sibling had been an enigma for many years now, but zir new obsession with clothes was a particularly disturbing turn of events. It wasn't even just clothes, it was the kinds of clothes that ze insisted on wearing. Like this "Cheshire Cat" thing. According to Zwitter, it was from a film that had premiered about a year ago. Why Zwitter was such a huge fan of it remained a mystery.
"One," said Zwitter, "the Cheshire Cat has a beautiful smile, much like myself." Ze demonstrated, letting a feral grin rest on zir lips before ze continued zir argument.
"Two, the color scheme perfectly compliments my skintone." Here Zwitter took a moment to fold the t-shirt over so that the Cat was pressed up against zir cheek, allowing for a color comparison. In zir defense, Druj had to admit that ze was right. Blue and black looked good with Zwitter's natural red.
"Three," said Zwitter, "the Cat's voice is like butter in my ears."
Druj raised an eyebrow, turning to Wendy for an explanation. The werewolf just shrugged.
"So you see," Zwitter concluded, hugging the shirt to zir chest, "it was clearly an item I had to own. Tragically, it does not fit. Something this beautiful cannot be returned, and it cannot go unworn. So, you must wear it." With that, ze held out the shirt once more.
Druj sighed heavily and snatched the offending piece of clothing out of zir hands.
"I am only going to do this once," he said, holding up one finger to emphasize his point. Zwitter responded with another feral grin, ushering him out of the room to change.
Ze was kept waiting for ten minutes. By the time Druj returned, ze was much less cheerful. Wendy, on the other hand, almost fell out of her chair laughing.
"It got caught on my horns," Druj explained with a shrug and an apologetic grimace. The chest and shoulders of the shirt were covered in holes, making red polka-dots wherever Druj's skin peeked through.
Zwitter's mouth hung open as ze gazed at the damage done to zir shirt. Zir tail twitched from side-to-side and zir lower lip trembled as ze struggled to compose zirself, to no avail. It was only seconds before ze blew up.
"Sheißer! You're supposed to hold the neck hole open, get it over your horns before you pull it down!" Ze waved zir arms over zir head in a frantic demonstration of what ze had expected zir brother to do.
"And you," said Zwitter, rounding on Wendy, "stop laughing!"
Wendy gasped for breath, clinging to the back of her chair as though she were drowning. "Sorry, it's just," she cleared her throat twice, to stifle more giggles. "No, really, it looks good. Like grunge."
"Grunge?" said Zwitter. "This is not grunge. Grunge is frayed at the sleeves, maybe small holes at the bottom. This, this is an outrage! This is all your fault!" Ze punctuated these last few points by jabbing zir forefinger at zir brother's chest, poking one-by-one at the holes in the shirt.
Druj could have pointed out that he didn't want to wear the shirt in the first place, and that none of this had been his idea. He could have reminded his sibling that trying to wear clothing vicariously through him was a stupid plan in the first place. But there was a much easier route.
"I'm sorry," said Druj. He meant what he was saying, even beyond its usefulness as a method for putting a cap on Zwitter's rage. He was always sorry when his little sibling was upset.
Zwitter drew breath shakily, biting zir lip as ze glared at the ruined shirt.
"Evka can probably fix it," said Wendy, lifting her head from the back of her chair. "If she uses blue thread, it might even look intentional. Stitches all over, like a zombie shirt."
Zwitter looked to Wendy for a moment before crossing zir arms and turning away. "I still can't wear it. It's way too big."
"Maybe to sleep in?" said Wendy.
Druj couldn't believe what he was hearing. Walking around in clothes was one thing, but sleeping in them? He gaped at his sibling as he waited for zir response. Surely even Zwitter would see the madness of this suggestion.
"To sleep in?" said Zwitter, for once giving the appearance of a rational being.
"Yeah?" said Wendy. "Big t-shirts are for sleeping in. Or wearing to the beach, if you're a fat kid."
Zwitter cocked an eyebrow. "Why would you wear clothes to sleep? No one can see you."
"To keep warm?" said Wendy, shrugging.
"That's what blankets are for," said Zwitter, now with zir whole head cocked to the side. Druj noted nervously that zir horns were coming dangerously close to a framed picture on the wall. If Zwitter wasn't careful when righting zirself, ze'd knock it over.
"Well, yeah, but..." Wendy sighed. "Maybe we could make it into a pillow? Sew all the holes shut and stuff it with batting?"
"...That could work," said Zwitter, righting zir head, mercifully with no damage to the wall.
"Good," said Druj, pulling the shirt over his head and handing it back to Zwitter. He pulled his arms across his chest, stretching out his muscles, trying to get rid of the tight, itchy feeling left by the shirt. How his sibling could wear those things on purpose, he had no idea.
DRUJ is a gay incubus that I've drawn about five billion times before. He's 26 years old in this excerpt.
ZWITTER is Druj's younger sibling. Ze is a true hermaphrodite (two working sets of sex organs, one from each gender). Ze uses third-gender pronouns. I have also drawn zir five billion times before. Ze's 20 years old here.
WENDY is a werewolf, one of Zwitter's friends. She's also a jerk. All the pictures I have of her are really, really, spectacularly old. Wendy herself is 19 in this excerpt.
As of the opening of this story, Zwitter and Wendy (along with several other persons not mentioned here) are living in a house in a small town in New England. Zwitter doesn't get to go outside much, mostly because zir appearance (hermaphrodite with bright red skin, hooves, horns, and a tail) would raise some eyebrows. So Wendy functions as one of Zwitter's links to the outside world when it's not that time of the month.
In Zwitter and Druj's culture, Zwitter's genital status makes zir a revered figure, so ze's used to getting zir way 90% of the time. Also in that culture, clothes are not generally worn unless weather or safety demands it. But Zwitter has developed what zir people would consider a strange obsession with fashion, and that's part of what the following excerpt is about.
---
"I am not doing this."
Druj crossed his arms over his broad chest and glared down at his younger sibling. Zwitter, for zir part, was pouting fit to explode.
"Bitte?" ze begged, holding the t-shirt out again. It was a black men's shirt, sized large, but even so, it would probably be a tight fit on the torso of the massive incubus. Zwitter held the shirt up higher still, so it blocked zir face from zir brother's view. All Druj could see of his sibling were two red hands and the tips of zir horns; the rest was just the Cheshire Cat from "Alice in Wonderland" on a black field.
"Dude," said Wendy, "do you have any idea what we went through to find this?" She was sitting backwards in one of the kitchen chairs, legs splayed to either side of the chair's back, leaning forward so her chin rested on top of it. "I had to go to three different Hot Topics to find even one that still had Alice shit in stock. What Zwitz has in his... her... hands," Wendy fluttered her own hands at the wrists as she struggled with the pronouns, "is the very last Cheshire Cat shirt in the state."
"Why does it have to be mine?" Druj groaned, batting away Zwitter's attempts to shove the shirt in his face.
"Because it's not my size!" Zwitter wailed, pulling the shirt back to crumple it against zir chin. "They didn't have anything in small! It's not fair!"
"Why do you even want it?" said Druj, still struggling to understand. His sibling had been an enigma for many years now, but zir new obsession with clothes was a particularly disturbing turn of events. It wasn't even just clothes, it was the kinds of clothes that ze insisted on wearing. Like this "Cheshire Cat" thing. According to Zwitter, it was from a film that had premiered about a year ago. Why Zwitter was such a huge fan of it remained a mystery.
"One," said Zwitter, "the Cheshire Cat has a beautiful smile, much like myself." Ze demonstrated, letting a feral grin rest on zir lips before ze continued zir argument.
"Two, the color scheme perfectly compliments my skintone." Here Zwitter took a moment to fold the t-shirt over so that the Cat was pressed up against zir cheek, allowing for a color comparison. In zir defense, Druj had to admit that ze was right. Blue and black looked good with Zwitter's natural red.
"Three," said Zwitter, "the Cat's voice is like butter in my ears."
Druj raised an eyebrow, turning to Wendy for an explanation. The werewolf just shrugged.
"So you see," Zwitter concluded, hugging the shirt to zir chest, "it was clearly an item I had to own. Tragically, it does not fit. Something this beautiful cannot be returned, and it cannot go unworn. So, you must wear it." With that, ze held out the shirt once more.
Druj sighed heavily and snatched the offending piece of clothing out of zir hands.
"I am only going to do this once," he said, holding up one finger to emphasize his point. Zwitter responded with another feral grin, ushering him out of the room to change.
Ze was kept waiting for ten minutes. By the time Druj returned, ze was much less cheerful. Wendy, on the other hand, almost fell out of her chair laughing.
"It got caught on my horns," Druj explained with a shrug and an apologetic grimace. The chest and shoulders of the shirt were covered in holes, making red polka-dots wherever Druj's skin peeked through.
Zwitter's mouth hung open as ze gazed at the damage done to zir shirt. Zir tail twitched from side-to-side and zir lower lip trembled as ze struggled to compose zirself, to no avail. It was only seconds before ze blew up.
"Sheißer! You're supposed to hold the neck hole open, get it over your horns before you pull it down!" Ze waved zir arms over zir head in a frantic demonstration of what ze had expected zir brother to do.
"And you," said Zwitter, rounding on Wendy, "stop laughing!"
Wendy gasped for breath, clinging to the back of her chair as though she were drowning. "Sorry, it's just," she cleared her throat twice, to stifle more giggles. "No, really, it looks good. Like grunge."
"Grunge?" said Zwitter. "This is not grunge. Grunge is frayed at the sleeves, maybe small holes at the bottom. This, this is an outrage! This is all your fault!" Ze punctuated these last few points by jabbing zir forefinger at zir brother's chest, poking one-by-one at the holes in the shirt.
Druj could have pointed out that he didn't want to wear the shirt in the first place, and that none of this had been his idea. He could have reminded his sibling that trying to wear clothing vicariously through him was a stupid plan in the first place. But there was a much easier route.
"I'm sorry," said Druj. He meant what he was saying, even beyond its usefulness as a method for putting a cap on Zwitter's rage. He was always sorry when his little sibling was upset.
Zwitter drew breath shakily, biting zir lip as ze glared at the ruined shirt.
"Evka can probably fix it," said Wendy, lifting her head from the back of her chair. "If she uses blue thread, it might even look intentional. Stitches all over, like a zombie shirt."
Zwitter looked to Wendy for a moment before crossing zir arms and turning away. "I still can't wear it. It's way too big."
"Maybe to sleep in?" said Wendy.
Druj couldn't believe what he was hearing. Walking around in clothes was one thing, but sleeping in them? He gaped at his sibling as he waited for zir response. Surely even Zwitter would see the madness of this suggestion.
"To sleep in?" said Zwitter, for once giving the appearance of a rational being.
"Yeah?" said Wendy. "Big t-shirts are for sleeping in. Or wearing to the beach, if you're a fat kid."
Zwitter cocked an eyebrow. "Why would you wear clothes to sleep? No one can see you."
"To keep warm?" said Wendy, shrugging.
"That's what blankets are for," said Zwitter, now with zir whole head cocked to the side. Druj noted nervously that zir horns were coming dangerously close to a framed picture on the wall. If Zwitter wasn't careful when righting zirself, ze'd knock it over.
"Well, yeah, but..." Wendy sighed. "Maybe we could make it into a pillow? Sew all the holes shut and stuff it with batting?"
"...That could work," said Zwitter, righting zir head, mercifully with no damage to the wall.
"Good," said Druj, pulling the shirt over his head and handing it back to Zwitter. He pulled his arms across his chest, stretching out his muscles, trying to get rid of the tight, itchy feeling left by the shirt. How his sibling could wear those things on purpose, he had no idea.