I didn't get it...again
Oh well.
They finally called me in to interview last week, but it wasn't with the regional person like it should have been. It was with the counter manager and one of the artists, not even an assistant. From the start I knew I didn't get it. They kept using verbage like "Even if it's not a fit now, don't stop trying", "there are so many people interviewing, it's ok if you don't get it this time" , "You're so talented and devoted to the company, there are so many opportunities at this counter, we know you'll get in soon" and my personal favorite "Many of us had to try multiple times before becoming permanent"
It was Alex (the ONLY person at the counter who doesn't like me) who called. He acted like such a jerk too. He acted like he didn't know me (we've worked together a lot) he told me some generic bs in a fake tone. I've been turned down by this company 4 times. 4 times.
Why do I even bother? It's obvious they don't want me. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong or what I can do to land a permanent position. I really feel it's about my personal appearance. I know I can apply make-up on myself and on others, and I make my goals always, I'm great in customer service, the only thing left is my look. I'm overweight. I know that. I'm very insecure about it and have been trying for 5 years to drop the weight. Tried every diet, exercised 5 days a week at the gym with a personal trainer, prescription diet pills. The only thing that has remotely worked was pills from a quack doctor that got way too expensive for me, and I didn't even lose that much weight. The doctor has tested my thyroid many times and has determined the cause of my rapid weight gain (went from 147 to 225 in less than 2 years) was from the depression pills I was on at the time (we lost a little girl we were going to adopt to her druggie dad and I got really depressed) so now I'm pretty much screwed. I can't lose weight. I'm even more depressed so I'll probably gain another 30lbs. I'm so fucking sad right now, and I shouldn't be. I shouldn't have cried. I should be used to this. 4 times Amber 4 times. I want to give up. I want to just quit and find a new love. I won't. I hate feeling like this. Feeling like I'm not good enough, like I never will be. I think I may be done. I don't want to try anymore. I want to let them win. I'm too discouraged to even think about it. I keep telling myself it's ok, it's just not my time. I will get it. But when will I get it? When will it finally be MY time? It's been two years. Two years. I'm so frustrated.
I'm going to watch the rest of season 2 of Lost with Chris and my mom. Maybe that'll take my mind off of it. I doubt it. Hey but on the bright side, at least they called. Last time I waited a MONTH and had to call THEM to find out they didn't want me. Why do I do this to myself? I'm so damn sad.
They finally called me in to interview last week, but it wasn't with the regional person like it should have been. It was with the counter manager and one of the artists, not even an assistant. From the start I knew I didn't get it. They kept using verbage like "Even if it's not a fit now, don't stop trying", "there are so many people interviewing, it's ok if you don't get it this time" , "You're so talented and devoted to the company, there are so many opportunities at this counter, we know you'll get in soon" and my personal favorite "Many of us had to try multiple times before becoming permanent"
It was Alex (the ONLY person at the counter who doesn't like me) who called. He acted like such a jerk too. He acted like he didn't know me (we've worked together a lot) he told me some generic bs in a fake tone. I've been turned down by this company 4 times. 4 times.
Why do I even bother? It's obvious they don't want me. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong or what I can do to land a permanent position. I really feel it's about my personal appearance. I know I can apply make-up on myself and on others, and I make my goals always, I'm great in customer service, the only thing left is my look. I'm overweight. I know that. I'm very insecure about it and have been trying for 5 years to drop the weight. Tried every diet, exercised 5 days a week at the gym with a personal trainer, prescription diet pills. The only thing that has remotely worked was pills from a quack doctor that got way too expensive for me, and I didn't even lose that much weight. The doctor has tested my thyroid many times and has determined the cause of my rapid weight gain (went from 147 to 225 in less than 2 years) was from the depression pills I was on at the time (we lost a little girl we were going to adopt to her druggie dad and I got really depressed) so now I'm pretty much screwed. I can't lose weight. I'm even more depressed so I'll probably gain another 30lbs. I'm so fucking sad right now, and I shouldn't be. I shouldn't have cried. I should be used to this. 4 times Amber 4 times. I want to give up. I want to just quit and find a new love. I won't. I hate feeling like this. Feeling like I'm not good enough, like I never will be. I think I may be done. I don't want to try anymore. I want to let them win. I'm too discouraged to even think about it. I keep telling myself it's ok, it's just not my time. I will get it. But when will I get it? When will it finally be MY time? It's been two years. Two years. I'm so frustrated.
I'm going to watch the rest of season 2 of Lost with Chris and my mom. Maybe that'll take my mind off of it. I doubt it. Hey but on the bright side, at least they called. Last time I waited a MONTH and had to call THEM to find out they didn't want me. Why do I do this to myself? I'm so damn sad.