This is why I'm a masochist
I look up old boyfriends on myspace, just to see what they are doing.
Some of them, like the fucker who raped me when I was 16, or the bastard who beat the fuck out of me for six months before that, are in new relationships. They have kids! And I want to believe that as I have grown past the abuse, they have grown out of it and past it, too.
But part of me wants to hack into their accounts and leave a disclaimer: "Just so everyone is aware, when I was 16/17 I raped/beat my girl friend and didn't think there was anything wrong with it."
I guess this is what I get for digging up the past and tearing open old wounds. But it hurts just as bad to look in on the ones that I sort of... hurt. When I left. Whether or not it was my 'fault' is not the point. I just want to say I'm sorry. That I hope they are better, that they had found someone else to make them happy and fulfilled.
Or maybe I just want to call one particular one a douche bag. It's petty, I know. But I can't always be noble.
Some of them, like the fucker who raped me when I was 16, or the bastard who beat the fuck out of me for six months before that, are in new relationships. They have kids! And I want to believe that as I have grown past the abuse, they have grown out of it and past it, too.
But part of me wants to hack into their accounts and leave a disclaimer: "Just so everyone is aware, when I was 16/17 I raped/beat my girl friend and didn't think there was anything wrong with it."
I guess this is what I get for digging up the past and tearing open old wounds. But it hurts just as bad to look in on the ones that I sort of... hurt. When I left. Whether or not it was my 'fault' is not the point. I just want to say I'm sorry. That I hope they are better, that they had found someone else to make them happy and fulfilled.
Or maybe I just want to call one particular one a douche bag. It's petty, I know. But I can't always be noble.