you go forwards and i'll go backwards, we'll meet somewhere in the middle
okay so i'm really torn on what to do. i know no one can really help me with this decision, it's one i have to make for myself.
i want to stay here. soo badly. but everything is difficult (yes, i know, i'm a fucking baby). it's like one problem just brings 3 more problems with it. it would be 20 million times easier to get shit done if i weren't already illegal here. i have so many people trying to help me stay here. so many people want me to stay. they seem to have a solution to just about every problem that comes up. however it doesn't make it any less difficult. the perks are, i am staying with a nice family that won't let me mope around. they buy me clothes here and there and ice cream and are generally just wonderful. they keep finding job possibilites for me. the biggest issue is that i need a job to hire me for the paperwork and i need the paperwork for a job to want to hire me.
i really just want to give up and head home for a few months and try this again in October. however i feel like it would be stupid of me to admit defeat and head home. also, if i head home there's the possibility i won't make it back. then again, if i want something bad enough i will do anything i can to get it, right?
contradictions, contradictions. i know this is scrambled. i can't even make sense of it in my head to be honest.
i want to stay here. soo badly. but everything is difficult (yes, i know, i'm a fucking baby). it's like one problem just brings 3 more problems with it. it would be 20 million times easier to get shit done if i weren't already illegal here. i have so many people trying to help me stay here. so many people want me to stay. they seem to have a solution to just about every problem that comes up. however it doesn't make it any less difficult. the perks are, i am staying with a nice family that won't let me mope around. they buy me clothes here and there and ice cream and are generally just wonderful. they keep finding job possibilites for me. the biggest issue is that i need a job to hire me for the paperwork and i need the paperwork for a job to want to hire me.
i really just want to give up and head home for a few months and try this again in October. however i feel like it would be stupid of me to admit defeat and head home. also, if i head home there's the possibility i won't make it back. then again, if i want something bad enough i will do anything i can to get it, right?
contradictions, contradictions. i know this is scrambled. i can't even make sense of it in my head to be honest.