"I ain't sayin' she a golddigger, but she ain't messing with no broke, broke." :)
just when i think things are finally coming through, something happens and i feel like shit. let's start from the beginning.
if you have been keeping up with my journal, i have been struggling to stay in school. well my aunt gave me a call on monday with some possible good news. and anything sounds good these days since i have a deadline coming up sometime next week. she said she found a loan i could apply to that i wouldn't need a co-signer. that sounds good already. so i applied to them yesterday and i was approved. so now i am waiting for the paper work to come in. hopefully i can have that all worked out by the end of next week.
this sunday, i started working the phoneathon here on campus. this is the only job i thought i could work this semester since i do not have a car to get me around. a friend of mine on campus has a parent working in one of the major offices in the administrative center. she just happen to be up there when i was on break and she asked me to meet her family. i met her family and brothers and sisters. then her father started to question me like i was a guy taking his daughter out on a date or something. i answered his questions and then he asked, "are you looking for work?" and i of course answered yes. the next day his daughter tells me that he might have a position in his office open. i got kind of excited. then she texts me later on in the day and tells me that he would like for me to start right away. today i called him to see when i could start. i have a meeting with him tomorrow after my dance class to talk about the position.
things finally seem like they are working out for me when they were really falling apart for me at first. my grandfather and aunt are going to make it possible for me to get some money from the school, i shouldn't be thrown out of school, i am working and making a little money, and i am about to pick up a second job. things are so much better than before. but then today happened.
this is the first day i really didn't have to worry about the financial aid crap and i don't have to work the phoneathon tonight. i had many other things to do in place of it though. and i realized it. suddenly, i couldn't get out of bed. i froze. no matter what i did i couldn't get up. it took me an hour to get of bed and do anything. i had a class 10 that i ended up not going to. i had this sudden anxious feeling and i couldn't breathe or think. for 4 hours i was panicking, but i couldn't panic too much. i had a test at 2 i had to go to. but before then, i couldn't sleep or sit still. i took a shower and still couldn't calm down. i didn't know what to do. so i didn't go to any class today but my art history because i had a test. i was still panicking then and i probably didn't do so well because of it. of course i was having a panic attack.
i'm still kind of anxious right now, but i am much much better. i still have several things that i must do tonight, but everyone is telling me to take a break today. in the words of my friend matt, "this should be a calm down day." they are probably right, but i can't get too behind. i have several things i must do tomorrow so that i can have my official "no study" day on friday. :)
ok so as you might see from the entry- at least i can tell- i am still very anxious and i having a hard time calming down. but i am rambling now so i will update later. bye now. :)
if you have been keeping up with my journal, i have been struggling to stay in school. well my aunt gave me a call on monday with some possible good news. and anything sounds good these days since i have a deadline coming up sometime next week. she said she found a loan i could apply to that i wouldn't need a co-signer. that sounds good already. so i applied to them yesterday and i was approved. so now i am waiting for the paper work to come in. hopefully i can have that all worked out by the end of next week.
this sunday, i started working the phoneathon here on campus. this is the only job i thought i could work this semester since i do not have a car to get me around. a friend of mine on campus has a parent working in one of the major offices in the administrative center. she just happen to be up there when i was on break and she asked me to meet her family. i met her family and brothers and sisters. then her father started to question me like i was a guy taking his daughter out on a date or something. i answered his questions and then he asked, "are you looking for work?" and i of course answered yes. the next day his daughter tells me that he might have a position in his office open. i got kind of excited. then she texts me later on in the day and tells me that he would like for me to start right away. today i called him to see when i could start. i have a meeting with him tomorrow after my dance class to talk about the position.
things finally seem like they are working out for me when they were really falling apart for me at first. my grandfather and aunt are going to make it possible for me to get some money from the school, i shouldn't be thrown out of school, i am working and making a little money, and i am about to pick up a second job. things are so much better than before. but then today happened.
this is the first day i really didn't have to worry about the financial aid crap and i don't have to work the phoneathon tonight. i had many other things to do in place of it though. and i realized it. suddenly, i couldn't get out of bed. i froze. no matter what i did i couldn't get up. it took me an hour to get of bed and do anything. i had a class 10 that i ended up not going to. i had this sudden anxious feeling and i couldn't breathe or think. for 4 hours i was panicking, but i couldn't panic too much. i had a test at 2 i had to go to. but before then, i couldn't sleep or sit still. i took a shower and still couldn't calm down. i didn't know what to do. so i didn't go to any class today but my art history because i had a test. i was still panicking then and i probably didn't do so well because of it. of course i was having a panic attack.
i'm still kind of anxious right now, but i am much much better. i still have several things that i must do tonight, but everyone is telling me to take a break today. in the words of my friend matt, "this should be a calm down day." they are probably right, but i can't get too behind. i have several things i must do tomorrow so that i can have my official "no study" day on friday. :)
ok so as you might see from the entry- at least i can tell- i am still very anxious and i having a hard time calming down. but i am rambling now so i will update later. bye now. :)