(no subject)
from a post I made on another list about 'peaceful parenting'
I just wrote a long enough rant that I figured I should post it here for posterity. (some people were saying how they didn't see anything wrong with giving a kid a cookie after it hit it's mother in the store and was demanding stuff, but then also saying they couldn't understand why their children were so ill behaved)
In our house, we have medium sized living room, 5 children, 2 ICE CHESTS of Lego's and a VERY pregnant momma. Plus a HUGE dog (that can step on Lego's and break them) and a daddy who has been collecting the Lego's since his first child was a bump in the belly, so is very sentimental about them (his dad played Lego's with him and it's about the only good memory he has of him).
So Lego's on the floor means that if you aren't very careful, they could be broken, upsetting daddy, and momma, who has to clean them up. (plus wasting money, we don't have a lot of)
Lego's on the floor mean that momma can't walk around very well, because they are tiny, her belly is huge and they are hard to see, but easy to step on, injure foot, fall over over-correcting etc..
Momma is NOT going to pick them up. I didn't play with them, I didn't leave them out. But it will be *me* injured if they aren't picked up. It will be me fishing tiny pieces out of the vacuum cleaner etc...
So they DO 'have' to be done around here.
Plus with a baby coming along any minute. Best to get in the habit of picking them up quickly and neatly so baby sister isn't trying to eat them!
So it's health, it's safety, it's money, and it's plain responsibility.
Which is something else we haven't brought up in the conversation.
I feel (note the use of the word 'feel') that it is NOT my responsibility to clean up after a child who is perfectly capable of cleaning up after her/his own self.
Being a manager of a couple of different restaurants and having to TEACH a 16-20 year old how to sweep and mop disgusts me. I can assure you, my kids, 8yo and up know how to sweep and mop. They think it's fun, because it's not their responsibility yet, it's mine as their parent. But my 13yo does her own laundry and dishes every other night. I have the laundry for 4 other children, plus myself and bf. Diane does laundry on her days off (3 off, usually 2 days she'll do laundry) All the children put away the laundry that's been washed. The middle kids take turns feeding the animals and cleaning the litter box, and doing the dishes. The younger children take out the bathroom garbages and dirty clothes to the laundry room, plus picking up after themselves. We've all got work to do that makes this house run much smoother and the kids agree that if they do a specific chore every other day or whatever it is, that means I'm not doing it, I'm doing something else, like making cookies, or getting out an art project, or weeding the flower bed. Stuff I wouldn't have time to do if I had to do every single chore around the house. So they are giving me a break, they are learning responsibility (the animals depend on them), they will know how to do this stuff when they get old enough to get jobs, or live on their own.
As an example: My brother didn't have any chores as a child, my sister and I did them all (he's a year younger than me, she's 4 years younger) When he got out on his own, his house was a wreck. He couldn't cook, clean, do laundry, nothing. No girl would date him after she saw his house. My sister and I told him tough, we'd been cleaning up after him all these years and he lorded it over us, he could just figure it out. My mom finally took pity on him and made him a recipe book (after teaching him how to boil water for ramen and eggs) then showed him how to clean. Lucky for him, as he's now got custody of his 3 kids partly because he IS good at that stuff now.
I don't want that sort of thing for my kids. My 13 yo daughter is perfectly capable of doing ALL the household chores. But it's NOT her job, it's mine. Someday it will be her job and she needs to be prepared for that. Same goes for all the other kids. Cleaning isn't a male or female job. It's just every human who lives in the houses responsibility.
Starting with cleaning up your own mess as a very small child only makes sense to me. Teach them small bits of responsibility and empathy for others in the same household (we all live here, we all have to work together to make this a harmonious household) as soon as they are old enough to understand.
THATS most of why they 'have' to pick up the Lego's.
To Me (note the use of ME) it IS needful and necessary. It's not to make life easier on me (well, mostly) but to help them to grow up to be as capable as they CAN be. This to me is part of peaceful parenting. Everyone here knows what their job is, mine is to parent. Not to be their friend. I'm a mentor, a teacher, a comfort object, and most of all I'm an example. The kids job is to grow, and part of what *I'd* (hey, I gave birth to em and kiss their boo-boos, so it's my vision right?) like them to grow up to be is happy people, people who are self-starters and can think for themselves and make up their own minds. People who have empathy. People who have a sense of responsibility and honor. (not morality, that's their job to make up their mind on that, not mine to make it up for them).
Most of the things I do pertaining to house and kids is geared towards this. I mull questions about life stuff over in my head and think about how best to answer them to give the kids enough information as to WHY I came up with this answer, see if they see my point, and steer them in the direction that I think is best for them (that's my job right?). But also to let them know that they are free to disagree with me, but I'm still the final authority, sorry....
I just wrote a long enough rant that I figured I should post it here for posterity. (some people were saying how they didn't see anything wrong with giving a kid a cookie after it hit it's mother in the store and was demanding stuff, but then also saying they couldn't understand why their children were so ill behaved)
In our house, we have medium sized living room, 5 children, 2 ICE CHESTS of Lego's and a VERY pregnant momma. Plus a HUGE dog (that can step on Lego's and break them) and a daddy who has been collecting the Lego's since his first child was a bump in the belly, so is very sentimental about them (his dad played Lego's with him and it's about the only good memory he has of him).
So Lego's on the floor means that if you aren't very careful, they could be broken, upsetting daddy, and momma, who has to clean them up. (plus wasting money, we don't have a lot of)
Lego's on the floor mean that momma can't walk around very well, because they are tiny, her belly is huge and they are hard to see, but easy to step on, injure foot, fall over over-correcting etc..
Momma is NOT going to pick them up. I didn't play with them, I didn't leave them out. But it will be *me* injured if they aren't picked up. It will be me fishing tiny pieces out of the vacuum cleaner etc...
So they DO 'have' to be done around here.
Plus with a baby coming along any minute. Best to get in the habit of picking them up quickly and neatly so baby sister isn't trying to eat them!
So it's health, it's safety, it's money, and it's plain responsibility.
Which is something else we haven't brought up in the conversation.
I feel (note the use of the word 'feel') that it is NOT my responsibility to clean up after a child who is perfectly capable of cleaning up after her/his own self.
Being a manager of a couple of different restaurants and having to TEACH a 16-20 year old how to sweep and mop disgusts me. I can assure you, my kids, 8yo and up know how to sweep and mop. They think it's fun, because it's not their responsibility yet, it's mine as their parent. But my 13yo does her own laundry and dishes every other night. I have the laundry for 4 other children, plus myself and bf. Diane does laundry on her days off (3 off, usually 2 days she'll do laundry) All the children put away the laundry that's been washed. The middle kids take turns feeding the animals and cleaning the litter box, and doing the dishes. The younger children take out the bathroom garbages and dirty clothes to the laundry room, plus picking up after themselves. We've all got work to do that makes this house run much smoother and the kids agree that if they do a specific chore every other day or whatever it is, that means I'm not doing it, I'm doing something else, like making cookies, or getting out an art project, or weeding the flower bed. Stuff I wouldn't have time to do if I had to do every single chore around the house. So they are giving me a break, they are learning responsibility (the animals depend on them), they will know how to do this stuff when they get old enough to get jobs, or live on their own.
As an example: My brother didn't have any chores as a child, my sister and I did them all (he's a year younger than me, she's 4 years younger) When he got out on his own, his house was a wreck. He couldn't cook, clean, do laundry, nothing. No girl would date him after she saw his house. My sister and I told him tough, we'd been cleaning up after him all these years and he lorded it over us, he could just figure it out. My mom finally took pity on him and made him a recipe book (after teaching him how to boil water for ramen and eggs) then showed him how to clean. Lucky for him, as he's now got custody of his 3 kids partly because he IS good at that stuff now.
I don't want that sort of thing for my kids. My 13 yo daughter is perfectly capable of doing ALL the household chores. But it's NOT her job, it's mine. Someday it will be her job and she needs to be prepared for that. Same goes for all the other kids. Cleaning isn't a male or female job. It's just every human who lives in the houses responsibility.
Starting with cleaning up your own mess as a very small child only makes sense to me. Teach them small bits of responsibility and empathy for others in the same household (we all live here, we all have to work together to make this a harmonious household) as soon as they are old enough to understand.
THATS most of why they 'have' to pick up the Lego's.
To Me (note the use of ME) it IS needful and necessary. It's not to make life easier on me (well, mostly) but to help them to grow up to be as capable as they CAN be. This to me is part of peaceful parenting. Everyone here knows what their job is, mine is to parent. Not to be their friend. I'm a mentor, a teacher, a comfort object, and most of all I'm an example. The kids job is to grow, and part of what *I'd* (hey, I gave birth to em and kiss their boo-boos, so it's my vision right?) like them to grow up to be is happy people, people who are self-starters and can think for themselves and make up their own minds. People who have empathy. People who have a sense of responsibility and honor. (not morality, that's their job to make up their mind on that, not mine to make it up for them).
Most of the things I do pertaining to house and kids is geared towards this. I mull questions about life stuff over in my head and think about how best to answer them to give the kids enough information as to WHY I came up with this answer, see if they see my point, and steer them in the direction that I think is best for them (that's my job right?). But also to let them know that they are free to disagree with me, but I'm still the final authority, sorry....