SO WE RETURN

Aug 15, 2015 01:59

The longer the phone rings, the deeper my heart sinks, the harder it beats.

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I am the girl who wanted everything and ended up with nothing.

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Stability is a cliff I approach on an unbroken horse, with a childlike wonder and desire, and at the last second I back away. My goal is to get as close to the edge as possible and dare myself to fall, or dare myself to be pushed over.

I resent the chains of security and certainty for preventing me from simply packing up and traipsing off at a moment's notice. At the same time, the chains keep me on the ground because I'm afraid of floating away and disintegrating into space.

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Everything -- the sun in my eyes and the wind in my hair, my lungs filled with crisp Nordic air.

Everything -- galloping towards a cliff and one day daring to fall or be pushed over.

Everything -- the freedom to walk away and the security of being rooted.

Everything -- the twilight between wakefulness and sleep, clarity and the dream state.

Everything -- a filament so red hot that you hurt yourself, but yet feels so good.

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Nothing. No me, no I, no self, no ego. No matter. No difference. No change, no growth. No point. No way out.
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