The wonders of the world that is my mind....
Today is one of those days when you realise just how much you've grown recently. You sit and think about all the time that has passed in the near, all the people and events that have happened and how you are better for it. College has changed me immensely. Now rather than being in a college mindset while still in high school, I've completed the circle a little more. I'm able to finally be 100% myself and not be intimidating to all the stupid people around me. Don't get me wrong, there will always be an abundance of morons only now I won't be around quite so many of them. I can finally be responsible for myself and not have anyone try to hold my hand when I need it least. Everything falls on me now and it's never been so good. Andrea helped me more than I even know. Above all people she kept my head level and my brain thinking when I needed it among other things. She alone has exposed me to a life I probably would have found eventually, but with her it is more beautiful than I could have imagined. Not just a life, but a mental state of bliss and wisdom. She opened the door to me, let me wander, but guided me when I needed and thrust me out alone when it was necessary. Not saying she played mom or anything, but I needed her to get me through the first steps of this transition. It's all on me now but if I ever need her, she will be right there. Alan was a large impact as well. As my last entry stated, I knew it was real because I could admit the flaws and the possibility of it not even happening. Only the catch is, it could have. We decided it's right to be with each other, that we fit and balance each other in a way we know is right. We know that he and I together would be an unstoppable force. However, to maintain this we have to wait a while. It's not everyday we run across someone like ourselves and chances of it happening again are slim to none. So in touch we stay, respectfully admiring from a distance the person we may be with someday. There is too much chemistry to walk away cleanly without second guessing the action but there is just too much else counter-acting right now. So the possibility remains possible and the feelings are out in the open but there are no expectations. I like not knowing and I love how it could go anywhere.
So in a nut shell, last year was worth everything that I went through. From cheating boyfriend to bullshit situations to all the stupid fucking things that could have been prevented, I am better for all of it. The 5 virginal days of this year have been spent drinking coffee, having hott sex and sharing those long amazing conversations that seem to take a whole night. Not a bad start to the year of rebirth. This is the year I am going to exercise all I can of myself and better what needs it and leave what must be left. It's time for me to remember who I am and overall push myself to my potential. I've ignored things I shouldn't have and it's time to stop. At least I realise it now. The light on my life is definately shinging brighter than before and it's time for me to leave the past in the past and walk into it. Tomorrow is my birthday and it will be a special one. Not only am I celebrating my 19 years on the earth, but it marks the first day of a new era. January 6 will be the day I'm ready to turn everything around re-take charge. 2006 is the year I am born.
So in a nut shell, last year was worth everything that I went through. From cheating boyfriend to bullshit situations to all the stupid fucking things that could have been prevented, I am better for all of it. The 5 virginal days of this year have been spent drinking coffee, having hott sex and sharing those long amazing conversations that seem to take a whole night. Not a bad start to the year of rebirth. This is the year I am going to exercise all I can of myself and better what needs it and leave what must be left. It's time for me to remember who I am and overall push myself to my potential. I've ignored things I shouldn't have and it's time to stop. At least I realise it now. The light on my life is definately shinging brighter than before and it's time for me to leave the past in the past and walk into it. Tomorrow is my birthday and it will be a special one. Not only am I celebrating my 19 years on the earth, but it marks the first day of a new era. January 6 will be the day I'm ready to turn everything around re-take charge. 2006 is the year I am born.