T minus 24 hours...
I’m sitting in Panera St. Louis Bread Company. It’s 2:25 PM. I’ve been here since 10:45 AM. I’m on my third (medium) cup of coffee. I have no cigarettes, as I smoked them all last night, and I will not have any until Andy picks me up around 5:00. Until about ten minutes ago, I’ve been pretty productive, but I kind of feel like I’m at my wit’s end.
- I hate my parents. This is all their fault. This is the last time I ever try to live out one of my parents’ dreams. Why didn't my mother aspire to be a socialite instead of marrying my dad? I could have handled being a socialite.
- I think I’m going to run away and write a novel. I think everyone has at least one good novel in them, and hell, I’m smarter than most people, so... yeah. That’s a good idea.
- My nutrition lately has been total crap. I’ve been subsisting on coffee and refined carbohydrates almost exclusively. I cannot remember the last time I’ve eaten fresh fruits or vegetables. That’s it: tonight I’m eating organic vegetarian chili and salad. High protein, high fiber, lots of vitamins. Wait a minute: that stuff wreaks havoc on your digestive system. Maybe that’s not such a good idea after all. My motto for that used to be Save It For The Weekends. You know what guarantees you'll do extra-well on a final? Intestinal distress! Well... at least if my stomach is making funny gurgling sounds, it will distract everyone around me. Maybe it will give me an edge!
- I wonder if there’s a new Lost on tonight. Even if there is, I shouldn’t watch it, but given my past behavior, I will anyway.
- Why do random nutjobs always try to talk to me when I’m in the middle of studying? Apparently I just appear very, very friendly. I can’t imagine how friendly I look with a perma-frown and my nasty old sweatshirt and my extra fifteen pounds because it’s too cold to run and my incoherent mumbling to myself. Maybe these people feel a bond. I need to work on that. No more bonds. I can’t take it anymore.
- Related: I need a day job. People with day jobs don’t hang out at Panera St. Louis Bread Company. Why do I even come here? Unlimited coffee refills and very sporadic WiFi access do not make up for gross food and bad muzak playing all the time and way, WAY too many yuppie moms with their obnoxious, future-eating-disordered-slash-cocaine-addict toddlers who are screaming and running around and totally harshing my buzz. Although: I think I've seriously pissed off a manager-looking guy because twice now I've gotten coffee, set it down next to me while I work, and sort of forgotten about it. Then it gets cold, and I have to pour it in the trash and go get more. I feel like a bit of a jerk, but I'm a paying customer and I always flush the toilet in the restroom and I don't yell at random customers. There. He should be grateful. Ingrate.
- I have no idea why I didn’t consider obtaining decent drug connections a higher priority in law school. Not that I’m even really into recreational drugs, but some uppers and downers would be really, really useful right now.
- I’m a total asshole for not returning phone calls. I still have phone calls to return from my birthday almost a month ago. Stupid. Bad lady. No one likes you.
- Why the hell didn’t I become a teacher? I’m a good teacher. I’ve TA’d, taught swimming lessons, coached, etc. I liked it. And you didn’t ever have to learn about life estates. Or what about being a book editor? I like to read, just not about torts. And I’m really, really good at catching other people’s spelling/grammar mistakes.
- There is not one single hot guy in this place. This is profoundly depressing to me. Why the hell did I move here? If I’m going to study, I NEED eye candy. This is non-negotiable.
- Yesterday, I spent approximately seven hours not studying and not sleeping. I went to the mall with Andy, ate at the Cheesecake Factory, came home, watched Law and Order, and then went to Blueberry Hill with Amy and Chris. That was fucking stupid. No one else in my class did that. They were all studying all day and all night and they’re going to kick my ass on this exam. Never mind that two of those hours were spent at a bar with two law school classmates. However, despite the fact that I only had three drinks, I was very slightly hungover this morning. I’m turning into a goddamn lightweight.
- Dinner last night took far, far longer than we had anticipated (between waiting half an hour for a table and our waiter being a moron), and around the time we sat down, I began to flip out that I wasn’t studying. So I then proceeded to tell Andy everything I knew about property. And then he started asking questions. And then I got agitated. Our waiter looked a bit nervous. Good. It’s a good thing they don’t give you a steak knife with pasta. Hahaha.
- I miss Eat N Park. I don't know of anywhere near my house or school that's open 24 hours and serves unlimited coffee AND (not unlimited but still delicious) gravy fries. I actually got a ton of work done at that place in grad school.
- Amy suggested last night that we go to Morocco for Spring Break. That could be cool. Fuck Spring Break. I want to go to Morocco NOW. And Spain. And Stockholm. Yeah. Right now. Too bad I’m flat broke.
- In typing "St. Louis Bread Company", I accidentally typed "St. Louis Breach Company." Twice. Shows you where my mind is. No, this will not be amusing to you unless you've been to law school.
- I consider it a major victory that I have not once left the house without pants on this week. That tells you something, hmm?
- I am so incredibly desperate for human contact right now. Just not from the weirdo who keeps mumbling to himself over there. I’m afraid to call my law school friends just in case I’m disrupting a particularly productive bout of studying. Because then I’d be an asshole.
- I am so going to die.
- Don’t ever go to law school.
- I hate my parents. This is all their fault. This is the last time I ever try to live out one of my parents’ dreams. Why didn't my mother aspire to be a socialite instead of marrying my dad? I could have handled being a socialite.
- I think I’m going to run away and write a novel. I think everyone has at least one good novel in them, and hell, I’m smarter than most people, so... yeah. That’s a good idea.
- My nutrition lately has been total crap. I’ve been subsisting on coffee and refined carbohydrates almost exclusively. I cannot remember the last time I’ve eaten fresh fruits or vegetables. That’s it: tonight I’m eating organic vegetarian chili and salad. High protein, high fiber, lots of vitamins. Wait a minute: that stuff wreaks havoc on your digestive system. Maybe that’s not such a good idea after all. My motto for that used to be Save It For The Weekends. You know what guarantees you'll do extra-well on a final? Intestinal distress! Well... at least if my stomach is making funny gurgling sounds, it will distract everyone around me. Maybe it will give me an edge!
- I wonder if there’s a new Lost on tonight. Even if there is, I shouldn’t watch it, but given my past behavior, I will anyway.
- Why do random nutjobs always try to talk to me when I’m in the middle of studying? Apparently I just appear very, very friendly. I can’t imagine how friendly I look with a perma-frown and my nasty old sweatshirt and my extra fifteen pounds because it’s too cold to run and my incoherent mumbling to myself. Maybe these people feel a bond. I need to work on that. No more bonds. I can’t take it anymore.
- Related: I need a day job. People with day jobs don’t hang out at Panera St. Louis Bread Company. Why do I even come here? Unlimited coffee refills and very sporadic WiFi access do not make up for gross food and bad muzak playing all the time and way, WAY too many yuppie moms with their obnoxious, future-eating-disordered-slash-cocaine-addict toddlers who are screaming and running around and totally harshing my buzz. Although: I think I've seriously pissed off a manager-looking guy because twice now I've gotten coffee, set it down next to me while I work, and sort of forgotten about it. Then it gets cold, and I have to pour it in the trash and go get more. I feel like a bit of a jerk, but I'm a paying customer and I always flush the toilet in the restroom and I don't yell at random customers. There. He should be grateful. Ingrate.
- I have no idea why I didn’t consider obtaining decent drug connections a higher priority in law school. Not that I’m even really into recreational drugs, but some uppers and downers would be really, really useful right now.
- I’m a total asshole for not returning phone calls. I still have phone calls to return from my birthday almost a month ago. Stupid. Bad lady. No one likes you.
- Why the hell didn’t I become a teacher? I’m a good teacher. I’ve TA’d, taught swimming lessons, coached, etc. I liked it. And you didn’t ever have to learn about life estates. Or what about being a book editor? I like to read, just not about torts. And I’m really, really good at catching other people’s spelling/grammar mistakes.
- There is not one single hot guy in this place. This is profoundly depressing to me. Why the hell did I move here? If I’m going to study, I NEED eye candy. This is non-negotiable.
- Yesterday, I spent approximately seven hours not studying and not sleeping. I went to the mall with Andy, ate at the Cheesecake Factory, came home, watched Law and Order, and then went to Blueberry Hill with Amy and Chris. That was fucking stupid. No one else in my class did that. They were all studying all day and all night and they’re going to kick my ass on this exam. Never mind that two of those hours were spent at a bar with two law school classmates. However, despite the fact that I only had three drinks, I was very slightly hungover this morning. I’m turning into a goddamn lightweight.
- Dinner last night took far, far longer than we had anticipated (between waiting half an hour for a table and our waiter being a moron), and around the time we sat down, I began to flip out that I wasn’t studying. So I then proceeded to tell Andy everything I knew about property. And then he started asking questions. And then I got agitated. Our waiter looked a bit nervous. Good. It’s a good thing they don’t give you a steak knife with pasta. Hahaha.
- I miss Eat N Park. I don't know of anywhere near my house or school that's open 24 hours and serves unlimited coffee AND (not unlimited but still delicious) gravy fries. I actually got a ton of work done at that place in grad school.
- Amy suggested last night that we go to Morocco for Spring Break. That could be cool. Fuck Spring Break. I want to go to Morocco NOW. And Spain. And Stockholm. Yeah. Right now. Too bad I’m flat broke.
- In typing "St. Louis Bread Company", I accidentally typed "St. Louis Breach Company." Twice. Shows you where my mind is. No, this will not be amusing to you unless you've been to law school.
- I consider it a major victory that I have not once left the house without pants on this week. That tells you something, hmm?
- I am so incredibly desperate for human contact right now. Just not from the weirdo who keeps mumbling to himself over there. I’m afraid to call my law school friends just in case I’m disrupting a particularly productive bout of studying. Because then I’d be an asshole.
- I am so going to die.
- Don’t ever go to law school.