(no subject)
That feeling when you realize that therapist you're seeing can't actually help you and has blinders on that inhibits their ability to create a secure relationship.
Back to square one. Having to find someone new.
Also, thanks to reddit, I found what I wish I'd had as a statement to say to her when I brought up that I think I might be on the spectrum: "Ok can I come back and talk about this when it’s no longer trendy?"
Her perspective was that labels restrict people.
Unfortunately, I was so unprepared to make a case for myself--I just couldn't find the right words--and I ended up reinforcing her belief in the way I presented my thoughts to her.
Additionally, she implied I did my research on TikTok by literally saying "everyone's diagnosing themselves on TikTok these days," practically rolling her eyes, and I found this to be supremely unprofessional. Not once did I bring up social media; in fact, I began seeing this therapist because I was struggling as a new mom, and over time, when my partner and I were concerned about my son displaying autistic traits, my research into actual scientific studies led me to realize that maybe I'M the one on the spectrum.
I don't want to be diagnosed because it's trendy or to make myself "special." I was in that room with her, talking one-on-one with a therapist, because I want someone to hear me, see me, and help me find ways to face the challenges I've been experiencing my entire fucking life, and I was trying to begin that conversation (which was challenging in and of itself because I struggle even figuring out how to ask for help, where to even begin this conversation, or when I do need help navigating my feelings in life). I know that childhood emotional trauma could have played a role, but sometimes she leans into this so hard, I think she wants this to be the principal factor with no other co-occurring concerns like autism.
I knew as soon as she began reacting to my words that she could not see beyond her own perceptions and beliefs already formed, and that trying to change her viewpoint just so I could receive support would be a waste of effort, which was depressing, lonely, and broke my trust in her.
What's even more ridiculous is that she kept referring to her other psychologist friend who was "diagnosing ADHD left and right because she received that diagnosis herself" not realizing that her very dismissal of this person is the exact same issue but it's opposite: e.g. unwilling to even consider the possibility versus only seeing it.
What I think she probably could have said was, "I'm not qualified to diagnose autism or provide support on autism, but if it helps you to discuss it, I'm here, and if you think there are supports you need, then I recommend finding someone who has the qualifications. If you need help doing this, I'll see what I can offer."