Sad week
Last Sunday our foster son left us... They are picking up the last of his things at 8am. I cant sleep because Im so upset. I took a pill for nausea, not helping. Im beside myself.
My grandma died last Tuesday after a lengthy battle with Cancer. If I hear one more person say "but she was 90" I might jack them in the jaw.
For some reason I feel like hearing that means "get over it, she was old". NOT cool for someone who just lost their hero. I will become last hateful and angry at people over these words in my own time. I miss her so much it hurts. I KNOW she isnt in pain any more. I KNOW She earned her wings. I KnOw shes with my other grandparents, all of her siblings, my sister, and cousin who died as a baby... so many people... but damn it I MISS HER! Her life ended so miserably.
I do have a heart warming story though. We knew it was the end for a while.... well exactly a week. Before she lost her ability to speak, she whispered "I want to see your boys". Ok Grandma I thought. This was on a Friday. On Monday, when we realized it was really the end, something told me to take Benjamin with me to see her. Iwas with her from 4pm-11pm, with a break for dinner. B was with me too and D came after dinner. Anyway, B announced "you know what Big Grandma needs? She just needs a lullaby". By this point my grnadma had fixated pupils, she could only move a few fingers on each hand, she blinked to answer you or kinda huffed air... her respirations were around 4 a minute. Anyway, crawls up, as close as I could get him while holding him and sung near her face so she could hear. Derek, my dad, mom and I were in tears. Benjamin had the BIGGEST smile. He said "see, you think she cant talk but listen she says huh huh huh... that means "I love you". He simply beamed. No fear. I held her hands. if I moved my hands she would do her best as fragile as she was to hold them...
She was AMAZING. My son is AMAZING. In all the sadness and ugliness...such a tender, perfect couple of moments.
Just wanted to give a brief update as to why Ive been MIA... if anyone even noticed...