Emma Helen Pelsor- picture heavy
I wanted to journal about my Grandma. She is fighting *and losing* colon cancer. In MArch, they removed a huge tumor and said it was at stage 3. They gave her 6mths tops to live. No one thought she;d make her 90th birthday, but she did... She turned 90 on Sept. 5th.
To boil it all down, she is in incredible pain all the time. The cancer is in her bones and muscle in her hip. They coudnt get it all. They did a hysterectomy becuase she also had uterine cancer. She is to the point she is on liquid morphine ever 2hrs. She has yanked her feeding tube so they left it out and she refuses her Ensure. She is passing tary black stools and we know its the end.
Today I had the chance to go see her. I was expecting the grumpy, pus you away, say mean things becuase she hurts grandma... I was expecting the mad grandma, I was expecting the woman who has become overtaken by this dreadful dehabilitating disease... I Was expecting to once again be thrown out by her at the 30 minute mark...
What I got was a gift from God. My grandma looke BEAUTIFUL. her hair was freshly washed... so naturaly curly and cute. She had a glowing smile when I woke her. She said my grandpa *dead since Jan. 81* and her brother Cliff had been there *Dead since who knows when* I said "oh really..."
Normally shes pretty lucid... We talked about my boys, derek, my dad and siblings. We talked about her favorite recipes and "tricks" on how to make things taste like she use to make them *bacon fat..hehe* We talked about Christmas, and the depression she says we are headed for... we talked about a lot.
she let me give her a head and hand massage. This is major. shes hated being touched and I hadnt seen her hands in months. I LOVE hands. They are like pictures i my mind. I can still remember my grandma Billys hands and he died when I Was 5.5. I can remmeber my Grandma Butchie's hands and he died when I was 10. I take mental snapshots of hands... I was sooo glad I got to hold hers again.
I loved playing with her hair. Mandy and I use to do that a lot when we were younger... Mandy more than I. Grandma didnt care if her hair was out of place...that was half the fun....
Grandma LAUGHED today. I mean belly, genuinely laughed. GOD IT WAS AWESOME! I kissed her nose, and her forehead and her cheeks and her chin... I gave her hugs... I just felt so close to her. I wanted to crawl in her skin.
We talked about how she wnts to pass.. *I know this* I asked her to give me a sign when she gets there... to dance a dance, to play some tunes, to have FUN. TO give my sister the biggest hug from me... to tell her how much we miss her... but mostly that I want a sign when she gets there...
She gave me some parenting advice.... she did just a weee bit of crying *which lately shes been water works*...
Mostly it was an amazing hour long visit...
I feel sooooooo thankful to have had the time. I think it was Gods Christmas gift to me because Id been asking to see MY grandma one last time, not the shel she has become.. ths angry woman I dont know... no one blames her, its stil hard...
Anyway, I thought Id close with a few pictures from gmas 90th Bday ... Pictures of MY hero!
This is 6 days after we got Ty. Benjamin and his tap shoes that he was glued to for a while and my mom.
Grandmas hair was just growing back in in this picture. Those are the roses my mom got her. You cant see the baloons the boys and I brought.... because Benjamin said "everyone needs balloons" and insisted we bring some!
I wont post pics of what she looks like now... I prefer to remember her no "worse" off than this... oh Ill post a pic of us a few years ago...
this was like her signature shirt!
here is a picture with her and Benjamin....
man I love this woman.....................................