The Continuing Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs: Valentine's Day Edition!
[Sesshomaru, Legolas, and Lucius Malfoy are sitting on a park bench watching humans (or in Lucius's case, "Muggles," pass them by.]
Legolas: So fellas, today's Valentine's Day. We should really do something for all our fangirls, if you know what I mean.
Lucius: *sigh* Oh all right... [Lucius starts taking off his pants--]
Sesshomaru: Valentine's Day? What's that?
Legolas: For crying out loud, Lucius, keep your pants on! That's not what I meant.
Sesshomaru: Valentine's Day? What's that?
Lucius: Well, geez, Legs, how was I supposed to know? The way you said it...you elves are such poncy buggers anyway.
Sesshomaru: Hello? Are you listening to me?
Legolas: You know, Lucius, that is so like you. Always ready to take your pants off at a moment's notice...
Sesshomaru: You two are starting to piss me off.
Lucius: Legs, is this about your birthday party 200 years ago? Because I swear I was drunk. Come on. Put it in the past already.
Sesshomaru: *sigh* You bastards leave me no choice... [Sesshomaru pulls out Tokijin and whacks them across the head with the blunt part of the blade.]
Legolas: OWW!
Lucius: BLOODY HELL! What the hell was that for?
Sesshomaru: I've been asking for the past 5 minutes what Valentine's Day is. I don't think we had such a thing in Feudal Japan.
Lucius: Geez, no need to get all buggered about it. You tell him, Legs.
Legolas: Stopcallingmethat. Ok, Valentine's Day. Right. Well, forget its origins. Nowadays, Valentine's Day is about an expression of love.
Sesshomaru: An expression of love?
Lucius: Exactly. You're supposed to give your sweetie a Valentine.
Sesshomaru: What's a Valentine?
Lucius: Hm, it's kind of hard to explain if you haven't seen one.
Legolas: It's a small token of one's affection. A gift from the heart, you might say.
Lucius: A heart! That's it. A Valentine is a heart.
Sesshomaru: Ohhh! I get it!
Legolas: Yeah, and like I was saying, I think we should give all our appreciative fangirls a Valentine today. You know, to show them how much we love the money that they end up spending on our trademarked merchandise.
Lucius: Exactly. But where are we going to get a Valentine?
Sesshomaru: Heh, that's no problem. Leave it to me.
[A man is walking by the park bench. Promptly, Sesshomaru reaches over with his claws out and pulls out his heart.]
Legolas: EWWWWWWW!!!
Lucius: BLOODY HELL!!!
Sesshomaru: What? Whaaaat? What'd I do?
Legolas: *sigh* Oy guvolt. We better wrap this up.
Lucius: So from all of us to all of you...
Sesshomaru, Legolas, Lucius: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
[Sesshomaru holds out the heart, blood dripping down his hand.]
Lucius: Uhhhh, you better get rid of that thing, mate.
Legolas: Oh, he we go. [He takes the heart and throws it in a park garbage can.]
Lucius: Cheers.
Legolas: So fellas, today's Valentine's Day. We should really do something for all our fangirls, if you know what I mean.
Lucius: *sigh* Oh all right... [Lucius starts taking off his pants--]
Sesshomaru: Valentine's Day? What's that?
Legolas: For crying out loud, Lucius, keep your pants on! That's not what I meant.
Sesshomaru: Valentine's Day? What's that?
Lucius: Well, geez, Legs, how was I supposed to know? The way you said it...you elves are such poncy buggers anyway.
Sesshomaru: Hello? Are you listening to me?
Legolas: You know, Lucius, that is so like you. Always ready to take your pants off at a moment's notice...
Sesshomaru: You two are starting to piss me off.
Lucius: Legs, is this about your birthday party 200 years ago? Because I swear I was drunk. Come on. Put it in the past already.
Sesshomaru: *sigh* You bastards leave me no choice... [Sesshomaru pulls out Tokijin and whacks them across the head with the blunt part of the blade.]
Legolas: OWW!
Lucius: BLOODY HELL! What the hell was that for?
Sesshomaru: I've been asking for the past 5 minutes what Valentine's Day is. I don't think we had such a thing in Feudal Japan.
Lucius: Geez, no need to get all buggered about it. You tell him, Legs.
Legolas: Stopcallingmethat. Ok, Valentine's Day. Right. Well, forget its origins. Nowadays, Valentine's Day is about an expression of love.
Sesshomaru: An expression of love?
Lucius: Exactly. You're supposed to give your sweetie a Valentine.
Sesshomaru: What's a Valentine?
Lucius: Hm, it's kind of hard to explain if you haven't seen one.
Legolas: It's a small token of one's affection. A gift from the heart, you might say.
Lucius: A heart! That's it. A Valentine is a heart.
Sesshomaru: Ohhh! I get it!
Legolas: Yeah, and like I was saying, I think we should give all our appreciative fangirls a Valentine today. You know, to show them how much we love the money that they end up spending on our trademarked merchandise.
Lucius: Exactly. But where are we going to get a Valentine?
Sesshomaru: Heh, that's no problem. Leave it to me.
[A man is walking by the park bench. Promptly, Sesshomaru reaches over with his claws out and pulls out his heart.]
Legolas: EWWWWWWW!!!
Lucius: BLOODY HELL!!!
Sesshomaru: What? Whaaaat? What'd I do?
Legolas: *sigh* Oy guvolt. We better wrap this up.
Lucius: So from all of us to all of you...
Sesshomaru, Legolas, Lucius: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
[Sesshomaru holds out the heart, blood dripping down his hand.]
Lucius: Uhhhh, you better get rid of that thing, mate.
Legolas: Oh, he we go. [He takes the heart and throws it in a park garbage can.]
Lucius: Cheers.