(no subject)
so its been a while since i wrote in here.... well two months actually. Things are going great at work. its the perfect job for me and they are fine with the fact that im pregnant... IM actually thinking of taking leah there when shes born.
school is going ok. Ive been able to keep B's in all my classes which i must say i am pretty proud of. It can be hard though as well... ive lost a lot of friends and stuff which is kinda hard but what can ya do. I still have friends that are really close to me and thats all i need. Ive surprised myself with school this year, usually i cant stand it and i procrastinate about doing everything but its like once i get an assignment i need to finish it that day... maybe im just a dork.. go figure i start liking school when its my last year... then again that could also be the reason too.
Things with the pregnancy are going smoothly... im 6 and a half months now so im movin right along... i feel like ive been pregnant forever though its crazy. My dads side of the family has had a lot of trouble accepting me which i dont understand... its like they look at me like i commited some serious crime... this is a baby people not cancer. what makes it more pitiful is that they make it seem like im keeping it this huge secret... My older cousin melissa wont even tell her daughter victoria who is 11 that im pregnant because she doesnt know how to explain it to her..... so when victoria sees me next time carrying a baby around what is melissa gunna tell her? that i found it? Im only going to have my first baby once and this is it. MY grandmother always asks me if my father has approved of me having this baby... since when did i need approval from anyone? this is a decision that is going to be life changing for me the most if ne one needs to approve of it its me... and i do.. and my dad is excited for being a grandfather... for the most part.
MY dad and i have been having a lot of trouble getting along lately... He gets aggrivated at me a lot for all these different reasons. With stuff like me barely being able to afford the car chris gave me. MY brother isnt paying a dime of Insurance for his car and while im making the effort to pay as much as i can i still get blammed for it... and then things with the cell phone.. i got yelled at for the bills on that and chris bought me a cell phone so my dad doesnt have to worry about paying it ne more... its just really hard even to ask him for lunch money without getting yelled at. Im trying to make things easier for him but with the aggrivation i get back from him its like why bother. I dont work that many hours at the doctors office so all my money i get is just enough to pay the car insurance..... my car is 6,000 miles over geting an oil change and the brakes arent working good and i cant even afford to fix them... i cant even go to a dunkin donuts to get something for myself and its discouraging for when i do get asked to go to the movies or something and i cant even afford that. And now in health occ were doing a thing to bring in ten bucks to get a girl presents for christmas and while people in my class are pulling out 20's i wont even be able to bring in money for that.
Me and chris are doing pretty ok as far as i know. We have been arguing a lot lately about many different things. I love him to death and it just sucks that were always fighting..... he has done so much for me with the car and the cell phone and repairs and stuff and i am grateful believe me. I dont show as much affection to him as i should be and i feel so bad for that. I dont know if its because of the pregnancy or what and he doesnt deserve to have me keep pushing him away when he is the closest thing to me right now. I couldnt be more happy for him that he got a job and i cant wait to get out of school and start my life with him. People look at us like were crazy for what were doing and i dont know why they care so much.. My dad has been making chris feel discouraged a lot and i know it bothers the heck out of him. I dont know why my dad acts that way with all the things chris has done for me.
I feel bad a lot of times like im taking chris's life away from him by having this baby. He could easily just up and leave whenever he gets sick of it and i realize that.. Why stick around when im grouchy and have a baby to take care of when he could be out with friends partying and all that stuff i am going to miss out on. It scares me that its that easy for him to leave and i think thats why i push him away a lot. I love him more than anything and i pray that will never happen but at the same time i wouldnt blame him for wanting to leave and not have the responsibilities of taking care of a kid.
Thats all i really have to say for now
school is going ok. Ive been able to keep B's in all my classes which i must say i am pretty proud of. It can be hard though as well... ive lost a lot of friends and stuff which is kinda hard but what can ya do. I still have friends that are really close to me and thats all i need. Ive surprised myself with school this year, usually i cant stand it and i procrastinate about doing everything but its like once i get an assignment i need to finish it that day... maybe im just a dork.. go figure i start liking school when its my last year... then again that could also be the reason too.
Things with the pregnancy are going smoothly... im 6 and a half months now so im movin right along... i feel like ive been pregnant forever though its crazy. My dads side of the family has had a lot of trouble accepting me which i dont understand... its like they look at me like i commited some serious crime... this is a baby people not cancer. what makes it more pitiful is that they make it seem like im keeping it this huge secret... My older cousin melissa wont even tell her daughter victoria who is 11 that im pregnant because she doesnt know how to explain it to her..... so when victoria sees me next time carrying a baby around what is melissa gunna tell her? that i found it? Im only going to have my first baby once and this is it. MY grandmother always asks me if my father has approved of me having this baby... since when did i need approval from anyone? this is a decision that is going to be life changing for me the most if ne one needs to approve of it its me... and i do.. and my dad is excited for being a grandfather... for the most part.
MY dad and i have been having a lot of trouble getting along lately... He gets aggrivated at me a lot for all these different reasons. With stuff like me barely being able to afford the car chris gave me. MY brother isnt paying a dime of Insurance for his car and while im making the effort to pay as much as i can i still get blammed for it... and then things with the cell phone.. i got yelled at for the bills on that and chris bought me a cell phone so my dad doesnt have to worry about paying it ne more... its just really hard even to ask him for lunch money without getting yelled at. Im trying to make things easier for him but with the aggrivation i get back from him its like why bother. I dont work that many hours at the doctors office so all my money i get is just enough to pay the car insurance..... my car is 6,000 miles over geting an oil change and the brakes arent working good and i cant even afford to fix them... i cant even go to a dunkin donuts to get something for myself and its discouraging for when i do get asked to go to the movies or something and i cant even afford that. And now in health occ were doing a thing to bring in ten bucks to get a girl presents for christmas and while people in my class are pulling out 20's i wont even be able to bring in money for that.
Me and chris are doing pretty ok as far as i know. We have been arguing a lot lately about many different things. I love him to death and it just sucks that were always fighting..... he has done so much for me with the car and the cell phone and repairs and stuff and i am grateful believe me. I dont show as much affection to him as i should be and i feel so bad for that. I dont know if its because of the pregnancy or what and he doesnt deserve to have me keep pushing him away when he is the closest thing to me right now. I couldnt be more happy for him that he got a job and i cant wait to get out of school and start my life with him. People look at us like were crazy for what were doing and i dont know why they care so much.. My dad has been making chris feel discouraged a lot and i know it bothers the heck out of him. I dont know why my dad acts that way with all the things chris has done for me.
I feel bad a lot of times like im taking chris's life away from him by having this baby. He could easily just up and leave whenever he gets sick of it and i realize that.. Why stick around when im grouchy and have a baby to take care of when he could be out with friends partying and all that stuff i am going to miss out on. It scares me that its that easy for him to leave and i think thats why i push him away a lot. I love him more than anything and i pray that will never happen but at the same time i wouldnt blame him for wanting to leave and not have the responsibilities of taking care of a kid.
Thats all i really have to say for now