(no subject)
I'm always on my knees for you
Break me like it's even...
Wow, so I have a killer headache right now. It's lame.
So I'm really bored. There's basically no one on msn, myspace, or nexopia, so I played like 4 games of Spider Solitaire before even THAT got boring. I had a shower (yay for cleanliness AND killing time), and then ate a dilly bar.
It's too fucking easy
Make me skin and bones...
Yeah so I basically have nothing to do...at all. I woke up at 5:13...PM. Yeah. I even surprised myself - that's an all-time record. The latest I slept before was 4:30, and that was when I was sick. Oh well, I had nothing better to do today, and it was great because I FINALLY got a day to sleep in where I didn't have to worry about getting up and running around and picking people up for combo and having practices and then going to Physio. It was nice to just sleep, stress-free for a change.
Man, lately I'm in such a weird state...It's like...loneliness to the tenth power. I'm even jealous of people that I wouldn't think of being with like...ever. Take Rich & Lauren for example...I was talking to Rich the other night, and apparently they like each other (I already knew how much he likes her), and he wants to ask her out. For some reason I was jealous...Don't get me wrong, Rich is a great friend of mine, but I wouldn't go out with him...And I can't even really explain it in a way that makes sense...Even looking at pictures of like Jassen and some random chick makes me sad...I'm weirdly hypersensitive right now. It's so fucked up. And it's making me really miss Jamie...Just having somebody there that I can talk to about stuff.
I can't stop thinking about him lately. I'm not really thinking the same way I used to about him, but he's on my mind nevertheless. Now, it's like I'm torturing myself with these stupid images of him & Sarah all happy together, and me just by myself watching them be the perfect couple, as opposed to thinking about how perfect his hair looked today, or how he winked at me when I saw him at work...I hate it. Why the hell can't I just get over him? I don't get why he still has this intense like ownership of my heart.
Before, I never wanted to get over him...I loved being in love with him, no matter how badly I got hurt. Now, I wish I could get over him, just so I don't have to dwell on not having him anymore. *Sigh*