(no subject)
Yea I haven't updated in a long time
I just haven't felt like it actually, I've thought about updating but then realize if I update I'm just going to complain about how sad I am most of the time.
Honestly, I mean all my days seem to have their ups and downs, I know I should be thankful for everything I have but there are so many things that remind me of stuff that I'm scared of and things I not looking foward to. You may not even realize when you say something, you mgiht mention a snow day, and I turn bitter and sad and don't say much of anything for an hour. It's not that I'm looking to be depressed or anything, trust me I hate crying like this, and I don't look for things to come up that I can be sad about, it just happens sometimes.
So I believe I have already said this, but please don't bring something up that can indirectly be lead to it, I know that asks alot from everyone but I'm sorry, I'm tired of being so sad, I can't remember the last night I actually went to bed happy or woke up and realized that day was going to be completely fun. I wake up in the morning and think, why can't i still be dreaming of the wonderful dreams where everything is perfect and no one is leaving and everyone is safe.
I promise everyone who reads this that I am gonig to fully put an effort forth to try and be happier, not just appear happier, I'm going to try and not let the little things get to me, like the commercials and the comments from people.
I want to feel like I was 15 again, yeah I know everyone reading this is saying, god shes such a drama queen, she was 15, 5 months ago, but think of back to when I just turned 15 and like most of that whole year, the worst and saddest things in life for me were tiny fights with my friends that were over in about 20 minutes. So, yea maybe I sound like a littel self-centered prick saying that I'm sad but knowing what it feels like to be happy almost all the time, I really do miss it and no I'm not saying my life sucks right now because it doesn't. I have great friends that are there for me, the love of my life and I even have a car. And it took me being sad to realize how great my friends were and how much I am in love with Dan, but I'm done with the sad thing now, I want to spend 5 months having a great time.