SO LAST NIGHT.
I was dreaming about something, who the hell knows, and then I woke up from a sound sleep because there was this HORRIBLE STENCH. As Chuck would understand, "a foul and mysterious odor." (Be wary, of very scary, hairy Larry.) I sat bolt upright. I sleep on the second floor with the windows open to the front, and drifting in was the unmistakable smell of skunk.
Now, my parents have a skunk that lives under their porch, a huge ass muther fucker named Enrique Jones who sharpens his claws on the front tree. I live in a fairly rural area, foresty-like, and I see all manner of wild critters. But in the past few months, I have noticed that sometimes the front of the house smells like skunk. I dunno what he does--comes out, fights a cat, sprays all over the area and runs away. I stared out the window for a long time but saw no skunk. Ninja skunk. Honestly, skunks are the drop bears of North America. Or something.
I tried to go back to sleep, but it was so bad, I had to close the window and put menthol under my nose. Then kidlet, whose windows face thE same way, started talking in her sleep, so when I go to her room, sure enough, it's like the harem of Pepe LePeu in there. I close her windows too.
Then I dreamed about skunks. That there was one in the house and I had to leave Viola in the bathroom and go get help, and apparently that was Chuck's friend M and Samuel L Jackson. We rode a car on a blanket very very fast to Home Depot. By the time we got back to the thing, there were FUCKING SKUNKS EVERYWHERE OUTSIDE. And the butler just opened the door and the little shit (HOW DOES SPELLCHECK HAVE "SHIKOKU" IN THE DICTIONARY BUT NOT "SHIT"?) just left the house like, "la la la." WHATEVER. NEVER RELY ON SAMUEL L JACKSON TO GET YOU OUT OF SOMETHING WHEN HIS CAR HAS NO WHEELS.
Then I dreamed about Tianyu, who looked like Abed, but I don't want to get into that.
I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT SKUNKS ALL DAY. SOME DAY I SHALL OPEN MY FRONT DOOR AND SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ONE. THEN I WAS LIKE, "WHAT DO I DO IF I GET SPRAYED? WHAT DO I DO IF VIV IS OUTSIDE AND SHE GETS SPRAYED? HOW DO THEY EVEN SPRAY? ISN'T THIS WHY THEY MAKE WIKIPEDIA?"
Even youtube is against me. I clicked on this because it was labeled "The Funniest prank in the internet" a dubious claim, and while it is funny, IT INVOLVES SKUNKS.
CLEARLY THIS IS A BAD OMEN.
Now, my parents have a skunk that lives under their porch, a huge ass muther fucker named Enrique Jones who sharpens his claws on the front tree. I live in a fairly rural area, foresty-like, and I see all manner of wild critters. But in the past few months, I have noticed that sometimes the front of the house smells like skunk. I dunno what he does--comes out, fights a cat, sprays all over the area and runs away. I stared out the window for a long time but saw no skunk. Ninja skunk. Honestly, skunks are the drop bears of North America. Or something.
I tried to go back to sleep, but it was so bad, I had to close the window and put menthol under my nose. Then kidlet, whose windows face thE same way, started talking in her sleep, so when I go to her room, sure enough, it's like the harem of Pepe LePeu in there. I close her windows too.
Then I dreamed about skunks. That there was one in the house and I had to leave Viola in the bathroom and go get help, and apparently that was Chuck's friend M and Samuel L Jackson. We rode a car on a blanket very very fast to Home Depot. By the time we got back to the thing, there were FUCKING SKUNKS EVERYWHERE OUTSIDE. And the butler just opened the door and the little shit (HOW DOES SPELLCHECK HAVE "SHIKOKU" IN THE DICTIONARY BUT NOT "SHIT"?) just left the house like, "la la la." WHATEVER. NEVER RELY ON SAMUEL L JACKSON TO GET YOU OUT OF SOMETHING WHEN HIS CAR HAS NO WHEELS.
Then I dreamed about Tianyu, who looked like Abed, but I don't want to get into that.
I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT SKUNKS ALL DAY. SOME DAY I SHALL OPEN MY FRONT DOOR AND SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ONE. THEN I WAS LIKE, "WHAT DO I DO IF I GET SPRAYED? WHAT DO I DO IF VIV IS OUTSIDE AND SHE GETS SPRAYED? HOW DO THEY EVEN SPRAY? ISN'T THIS WHY THEY MAKE WIKIPEDIA?"
Even youtube is against me. I clicked on this because it was labeled "The Funniest prank in the internet" a dubious claim, and while it is funny, IT INVOLVES SKUNKS.
Click to viewCLEARLY THIS IS A BAD OMEN.