That's WOT I like, Mick!
1. THE HERMIONE BIG BANG IS FINISHED. 49,500 WORDS. I REPEAT, EFFING FINISHED. If you guys end up hating it, IT WILL BE ALL TORCHWOOD'S FAULT.
So, here's like…a fannish whoring confession. This fic? I've been working on it for six years and so the first 70 pages or so have been beta read by lots of people, and for that I'm insanely grateful. On the other hand, I am some sort of whore, and so I typed out this paragraph were I explained that I wanted someone to read it all at once in one go (what do we call those? Alpha readers?) to tell me what they think of it when they have a chance to just read it in its entirety from start to finish, and then I realised that the only purpose of that would be so that they could either say "this blows," or "this rocks!" That's such whoredom. I think even mentioning this gets me whoredom.
Do fanfic writers get paid in anything other than feedback and cred, anyway? Self-satisfaction, I guess. I guess I want to get PAID. STAMP PAID, SETHE (I just made a Toni Morrison joke. I get the SPECIAL HELL.) I dunno. I want to show it to the world. I love this fic like a loving thing. That I have to wait is like, a crime or something. I should send myself to jail. But first I'm going to pass go and take $200.
2. How did I not know about writerinadrawer? GAH! But my peeps are in there. LAWSUNTULLE! CRUE! VERA! Fight anonymously FOR MY PLEASURE! (I feel sort of creepily like Ray Fiennes picking up Emily Watson in Red Dragon. Now I need pie.)
I know I could never have done it (also? Every time I'm in an anon fest I AM LIKE THE FIRST PERSON ACCURATELY GUESSED, EVEN WHEN I TRY TO BE DIFFERENT), BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE fifteen million things to be writing (like MANDY fic that ends with Mickey showing Andy the big gun. We'd all read a fic in which the two of them accidentally fall in together and end up stopping a catastrophe through a series of events that no one else ends up knowing about because they're busy elsewhere saving the actual world, right?
I am petulant. But ANTICIPATORY! AND EXCITED ABOUT SHIT AGAIN!
3. I AM MAKING A LIST OF ALL THE FICS I AM WORKING ON RIGHT HERE, AND IF YOU WANT TO STEAL THE IDEAS, WELL, THEN YOU GO ON AHEAD, BUT I HAVE STARTED THEM ALL.
Believe it or not, I actually think I might be doing this because I can't keep them all straight. I have a scribble book, and it's not ordered, and amidst the pages that are Xed out with "DONE" on them and Gatsby quotes and other shit, I don't think I have a consolidated list of all the crap I want to do.
FICS WOT I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF:
1. Jack/Highlander, AKA Jack/everyone
2. BODYSWAP
3. SNARRY GAMES FIC (classified)
FICS WOT I HAVE STARTED:
1. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaandy.
2. SECRET HOPEALICIOUS FIC. (IANTO'S PATRONUS IS JACK-SHAPED LOLOR5.)
FICS WOT I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT:
1. Jack in wartime. Starts simply with, "It required no dressing or temporizing, no lying or waffling; Jack loved guns."
2. Jack steals John's wrist strap for some indecipherable reason and travels back to watch everyone's first times. (thanks, wiredblowfish and 51stcenturyfox!)
4. The silent fic.
5. Possible sequels to fics I have already written (unlikely)
KINKBINGO (That's it. I'm going for the blackout. I have until August 31, right?)
1. Gwen/Ianto cold branding
2. Sheriff Truman/Josie Packard gunplay
3. Trevor/Brian Enter the Haggis RPS confining
4. Samson/Delilah shaving depilation
5. Jimmy/Chazz Blades of Glory spanking (don't judge me!)
6. Bruce/Tim possibly Dick/Tim uniforms
7. Logan/Jubilee dirty talk
8. Ianto/Tosh ageplay (with candy necklaces! Yay! Foxy!)
The ones in bold have been started. The rest have been thought of, and well, that's like half right there if you count WOT I ALREADY DONE.
4. My kid, my kid. So I took her to the park, and we did the slide and the merry-go-round and the swings and then I wanted to kill more time so I took us on a hike up into the uncut fields, following the ATV tracks, and we picked flowers and weeds and shit, and she fussed about turning around, but it was starting to look like Hansel and Gretel town, and the only song I know about Hansel and Gretel is Sophie B. Hawkins's 'Don't Stop Swaying,' and that's just ew. The incest, not the song.
So we turned around and came back, and accosted some tolerant dogs, and then we went to a new set of swings. I put her in one of the swings and then settled in myself for a long…evening's…swing. Sorry, I almost collapsed into "The Night Before Christmas" there. ::smacks self::
This swing? Silent running, just long enough to make the arc bliss. High enough off the ground to make the pull back acceptable. The front mound of woodchips stops before a hill, so that you're invariably swinging out over a cliff. The view? Nothing but trees and a pavilion, but I block out the pavilion.
I found swingvana. Here's a thirty second video in which I try to explain swingvana whilst ON swingvana. At the very least you get to hear me make an ass out of myself. At the most, you might vomit.
5.
Murasaki Shikibu The beer case is hers.
Man Killin' Sasquatch. My foot is in there for scale.
6.
51st Century Fox: I ate free steak.
Amand-r: There ain't nothing wrong with free steak.
51st Century Fox: That's what I said. BRING ME SOME FUCKING FREE STEAK!
Amand-r: THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT JACK WOULD SAY.
51st Century Fox: Also, free WINE!
Amand-r: MAKE SURE THE STEAK IS TASTY!
51st Century Fox: Jack would say:
I
FUCKING
LOVE
FREE
STEAK!
Amand-r: "I ATE THE HELL OUT OF THAT STEAK."
51st Century Fox: Yeeeah baby!
Amand-r: Then he and Ianto would have a fifty comment conversation about how to cook the steak. That would end in giving something steak like to Max-Theresa.
51st Century Fox: Yup!
Amand-r: And Hart would rub raw steak all over himself. And Martha would freak out because Tomb Raider would be licking him.
51st Century Fox: And Gwen would be all... RIGHT. I want TAPAS ANYWAY. So you blokes knock yourselves out!
Amand-r: So they don't even have to post this weekend. We just wrote it right there for them. God, I have to stop reading that thing.
So, here's like…a fannish whoring confession. This fic? I've been working on it for six years and so the first 70 pages or so have been beta read by lots of people, and for that I'm insanely grateful. On the other hand, I am some sort of whore, and so I typed out this paragraph were I explained that I wanted someone to read it all at once in one go (what do we call those? Alpha readers?) to tell me what they think of it when they have a chance to just read it in its entirety from start to finish, and then I realised that the only purpose of that would be so that they could either say "this blows," or "this rocks!" That's such whoredom. I think even mentioning this gets me whoredom.
Do fanfic writers get paid in anything other than feedback and cred, anyway? Self-satisfaction, I guess. I guess I want to get PAID. STAMP PAID, SETHE (I just made a Toni Morrison joke. I get the SPECIAL HELL.) I dunno. I want to show it to the world. I love this fic like a loving thing. That I have to wait is like, a crime or something. I should send myself to jail. But first I'm going to pass go and take $200.
2. How did I not know about writerinadrawer? GAH! But my peeps are in there. LAWSUNTULLE! CRUE! VERA! Fight anonymously FOR MY PLEASURE! (I feel sort of creepily like Ray Fiennes picking up Emily Watson in Red Dragon. Now I need pie.)
I know I could never have done it (also? Every time I'm in an anon fest I AM LIKE THE FIRST PERSON ACCURATELY GUESSED, EVEN WHEN I TRY TO BE DIFFERENT), BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE fifteen million things to be writing (like MANDY fic that ends with Mickey showing Andy the big gun. We'd all read a fic in which the two of them accidentally fall in together and end up stopping a catastrophe through a series of events that no one else ends up knowing about because they're busy elsewhere saving the actual world, right?
I am petulant. But ANTICIPATORY! AND EXCITED ABOUT SHIT AGAIN!
3. I AM MAKING A LIST OF ALL THE FICS I AM WORKING ON RIGHT HERE, AND IF YOU WANT TO STEAL THE IDEAS, WELL, THEN YOU GO ON AHEAD, BUT I HAVE STARTED THEM ALL.
Believe it or not, I actually think I might be doing this because I can't keep them all straight. I have a scribble book, and it's not ordered, and amidst the pages that are Xed out with "DONE" on them and Gatsby quotes and other shit, I don't think I have a consolidated list of all the crap I want to do.
FICS WOT I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF:
1. Jack/Highlander, AKA Jack/everyone
2. BODYSWAP
3. SNARRY GAMES FIC (classified)
FICS WOT I HAVE STARTED:
1. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaandy.
2. SECRET HOPEALICIOUS FIC. (IANTO'S PATRONUS IS JACK-SHAPED LOLOR5.)
FICS WOT I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT:
1. Jack in wartime. Starts simply with, "It required no dressing or temporizing, no lying or waffling; Jack loved guns."
2. Jack steals John's wrist strap for some indecipherable reason and travels back to watch everyone's first times. (thanks, wiredblowfish and 51stcenturyfox!)
4. The silent fic.
5. Possible sequels to fics I have already written (unlikely)
KINKBINGO (That's it. I'm going for the blackout. I have until August 31, right?)
1. Gwen/Ianto cold branding
2. Sheriff Truman/Josie Packard gunplay
3. Trevor/Brian Enter the Haggis RPS confining
4. Samson/Delilah shaving depilation
5. Jimmy/Chazz Blades of Glory spanking (don't judge me!)
6. Bruce/Tim possibly Dick/Tim uniforms
7. Logan/Jubilee dirty talk
8. Ianto/Tosh ageplay (with candy necklaces! Yay! Foxy!)
The ones in bold have been started. The rest have been thought of, and well, that's like half right there if you count WOT I ALREADY DONE.
4. My kid, my kid. So I took her to the park, and we did the slide and the merry-go-round and the swings and then I wanted to kill more time so I took us on a hike up into the uncut fields, following the ATV tracks, and we picked flowers and weeds and shit, and she fussed about turning around, but it was starting to look like Hansel and Gretel town, and the only song I know about Hansel and Gretel is Sophie B. Hawkins's 'Don't Stop Swaying,' and that's just ew. The incest, not the song.
So we turned around and came back, and accosted some tolerant dogs, and then we went to a new set of swings. I put her in one of the swings and then settled in myself for a long…evening's…swing. Sorry, I almost collapsed into "The Night Before Christmas" there. ::smacks self::
This swing? Silent running, just long enough to make the arc bliss. High enough off the ground to make the pull back acceptable. The front mound of woodchips stops before a hill, so that you're invariably swinging out over a cliff. The view? Nothing but trees and a pavilion, but I block out the pavilion.
I found swingvana. Here's a thirty second video in which I try to explain swingvana whilst ON swingvana. At the very least you get to hear me make an ass out of myself. At the most, you might vomit.
5.
Murasaki Shikibu The beer case is hers.
Man Killin' Sasquatch. My foot is in there for scale.
6.
51st Century Fox: I ate free steak.
Amand-r: There ain't nothing wrong with free steak.
51st Century Fox: That's what I said. BRING ME SOME FUCKING FREE STEAK!
Amand-r: THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT JACK WOULD SAY.
51st Century Fox: Also, free WINE!
Amand-r: MAKE SURE THE STEAK IS TASTY!
51st Century Fox: Jack would say:
I
FUCKING
LOVE
FREE
STEAK!
Amand-r: "I ATE THE HELL OUT OF THAT STEAK."
51st Century Fox: Yeeeah baby!
Amand-r: Then he and Ianto would have a fifty comment conversation about how to cook the steak. That would end in giving something steak like to Max-Theresa.
51st Century Fox: Yup!
Amand-r: And Hart would rub raw steak all over himself. And Martha would freak out because Tomb Raider would be licking him.
51st Century Fox: And Gwen would be all... RIGHT. I want TAPAS ANYWAY. So you blokes knock yourselves out!
Amand-r: So they don't even have to post this weekend. We just wrote it right there for them. God, I have to stop reading that thing.