And my job is to write just what I see, so a visual stenographer's what I be.
BEFORE WE START TODAY:
Yes please.
OKAY THEN.
1. Dear Captain Jack,
Okay. Here we go then. There's this guy, and I like him a lot. I'm not talking like I want to make the beast with two backs or nothing, but he's a nice dude and I value his bon mots, even though we are just online "friends". You couldn't see me make the air quotes, but imagine that I quoted the hell out of the air just then.
There's one problem. He doesn't know my name! I don't mean that he doesn't know who I am, I mean that he keeps getting it wrong! I don't get it. My name is right there in my livejournal replies. When he gets an email notification that I've replied to a comment, my name is right there in the box: "amand-r has replied to a comment in your livejournal entry!"
I've been called many things on the internet, and I understand that in the excitement that is the BLOGOSPHERE, there are bound to be miscommunications. It just makes me a sad panda to see that MY NAME IS REPEATEDLY INCORRECT.
Should I shoot this dude in the face? Or is that too harsh? I was thinking of writing a strongly-worded passive-aggressive email. Or maybe I could go to the secret organization where he works and like, make paper airplanes with the correct spelling of my name and just toss them down into the hole in the ground whenever the "invisible lift" opens. (Wow, I'm really slamming the air quotes today!)
What do you think? Would a fruit basket work? Baked goods? I see that there's a new bakery/delivery service called "Strumpets N' Crumpets." Perhaps he'd be more inclined to listen to me if I sent a stripper armed with traditional British tea fare. Or maybe I should send lube? I hear that lube often takes the friction out of uncomfortable situations.
Love, kisses and paper airplanes (smeared with lube),
Amand-r
2. Furthermore, I have been experimenting with those pen and inkwell contraptions:
Translation:
Dear mom, Camp blows! Pens from Jurassic era! Well, Elizabethan, at least.
This pen makes me want to write poems:
Shall I compare yinz to da Superbowl?
Yinz art more awesome and less of a sausage fest.
Rough winds may freeze us all at Heinz Stadium,
But your splendid ass has a dome cover, so that's cool.
Man, this is hard! How did Shakespeare write all his plays & shit? My hand hurts already.
HRH Amand-R
THAT, smirnoffmule, is an American accent on PAPER.
3. Oh K'naan, I love you and your Somalia video.
3. Yesterday, four separate posts referenced my name. That was bizarro-town, peoples. (AND YOU ALL SPELLED IT RIGHT.)
4. pogrebin's journal title (in French!) is "sous les paves, la plage". That's swell and all, but every time I see it, I am transported back in time to my sophomore year high school musical: The Boy Friend, and its winning number, Sur La Plage. ZE GIRLS! ZEY ARE COMING! (Amand-r assumes the fetal position.)
5. tripperfunster I realised that I owed you a letter about Jimmy/Chazz, and I started it. THE BRUSH HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE IN THE FIRST LINE. I CANNOT AVOID THE BRUSH. I might make it a kink_bingo entry.
6. Mah kid is awesome. MADE OF WIN. That is all.
ETA: OMG CANNOT STOP LISTENING TO MAHALIA JACKSON. Have already been dancing in the kitchen for fifteen minutes. Send a rescue crew.
Yes please.
OKAY THEN.
1. Dear Captain Jack,
Okay. Here we go then. There's this guy, and I like him a lot. I'm not talking like I want to make the beast with two backs or nothing, but he's a nice dude and I value his bon mots, even though we are just online "friends". You couldn't see me make the air quotes, but imagine that I quoted the hell out of the air just then.
There's one problem. He doesn't know my name! I don't mean that he doesn't know who I am, I mean that he keeps getting it wrong! I don't get it. My name is right there in my livejournal replies. When he gets an email notification that I've replied to a comment, my name is right there in the box: "amand-r has replied to a comment in your livejournal entry!"
I've been called many things on the internet, and I understand that in the excitement that is the BLOGOSPHERE, there are bound to be miscommunications. It just makes me a sad panda to see that MY NAME IS REPEATEDLY INCORRECT.
Should I shoot this dude in the face? Or is that too harsh? I was thinking of writing a strongly-worded passive-aggressive email. Or maybe I could go to the secret organization where he works and like, make paper airplanes with the correct spelling of my name and just toss them down into the hole in the ground whenever the "invisible lift" opens. (Wow, I'm really slamming the air quotes today!)
What do you think? Would a fruit basket work? Baked goods? I see that there's a new bakery/delivery service called "Strumpets N' Crumpets." Perhaps he'd be more inclined to listen to me if I sent a stripper armed with traditional British tea fare. Or maybe I should send lube? I hear that lube often takes the friction out of uncomfortable situations.
Love, kisses and paper airplanes (smeared with lube),
Amand-r
2. Furthermore, I have been experimenting with those pen and inkwell contraptions:
Translation:
Dear mom, Camp blows! Pens from Jurassic era! Well, Elizabethan, at least.
This pen makes me want to write poems:
Shall I compare yinz to da Superbowl?
Yinz art more awesome and less of a sausage fest.
Rough winds may freeze us all at Heinz Stadium,
But your splendid ass has a dome cover, so that's cool.
Man, this is hard! How did Shakespeare write all his plays & shit? My hand hurts already.
HRH Amand-R
THAT, smirnoffmule, is an American accent on PAPER.
3. Oh K'naan, I love you and your Somalia video.
3. Yesterday, four separate posts referenced my name. That was bizarro-town, peoples. (AND YOU ALL SPELLED IT RIGHT.)
4. pogrebin's journal title (in French!) is "sous les paves, la plage". That's swell and all, but every time I see it, I am transported back in time to my sophomore year high school musical: The Boy Friend, and its winning number, Sur La Plage. ZE GIRLS! ZEY ARE COMING! (Amand-r assumes the fetal position.)
5. tripperfunster I realised that I owed you a letter about Jimmy/Chazz, and I started it. THE BRUSH HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE IN THE FIRST LINE. I CANNOT AVOID THE BRUSH. I might make it a kink_bingo entry.
6. Mah kid is awesome. MADE OF WIN. That is all.
ETA: OMG CANNOT STOP LISTENING TO MAHALIA JACKSON. Have already been dancing in the kitchen for fifteen minutes. Send a rescue crew.